Garfield's Creed III: Last Memories
by Jack Spheniscidae Enterprises
Summary: Abstergo has come to take over the world and Garfield must relive the greatest Assassin's memories to find the Lasagna of Eden in order to stop them! Multi-part series spanning epic!
1. Chapter 1

Garfield's Creed III

A climatic tale of passion, friendship, assassination, and ultimate destiny!

It was day of relaxation as Garfield and Jon Arbuckle were at home playing video games when suddenly game was interrupted by buzzing static on TV screen and burst of annoying dubstep music which was suddenly replaced by the laughing evil laugh of bearded old man in lab coat surrounded by cronies.

"Ha ha ha ha Garfield! I am Doctor Warren Vidic and we are Abstergo and we have come to taking over your world by launching our mega satellite which will rain annihilations upon America with space laser cannon!" Said Doctor Warren Vidic as he doled out his evil plan to Garfield.

"NONSENSE! How many more of you evil doers of the Assassin and Templar creed shall it be dead by my hands before you realize the futility of destroying America when it is under my defense?" Roared Garfield with rage. "And since you ruined my game now IT IS PERSONAL"

"We will be seeing each other soon Garfield!" Laughed Doctor Warren Vidic with tauntings as Garfield angrily put a fist of the vengeance of justice through the TV screen deatomizing it with his sheer rage.

"Oh no Garfield that was our only TV and those nefarious Abstergoes destroyed it!" Said Jon Arbuckle with sorrow. "What will we do?"

"Do not cry like little baby girl over spilled warm milk Jon Arbuckle. I will find Abstergo and with my VENGEANCE and JUSTICE I shall make them buy me new TV with their dying breaths." Garfield said as he clenched his fists, channeling inner energy.

But before Garfield could embark on journey to find Abstergo he heard the roaring whirl of Blackhawk helicopter with skyhook attached as it ripped off the rooftop of Garfield's mansion. Then Abstergo Black Ops led by Otso Berg descended on ropes and surrounded Garfield with automatic rifles.

"Not if we come to you first Garfield! Now it shall be you that pays for your own stinking television after we perform the experimentations on you!" Laughed Otso Berg with desire to capture as Blackhawk helicopter unleashed tranquilizer bullets upon Garfield. But to Blackhawk helicopters horror Garfield casted energy shield in time to block all of the bullets.

"Capture this instead!" Said Garfield as he grabbed a large wrecking ball he used to weights and threw it at the Blackhawk helicopter.

"Oh no I have been downed!" The Blackhawk helicopter realized with horrifying last moment as it exploded.

Garfield then leapt into the air as the Blackhawk helicopter wreckage fell from the skies and with quick reflexes he grabbed the rotor blades and attached them to his legs and with upside down spinning Garfield kick he unleashed cyclic fury upon the Abstergo Black Ops!

"Oh no team He is far too man than I had anticipated switch to level 11 priority threat response!" Screamed Otso Berg with fear as he misfired all his bullets in gun as his legs quivered like crippled child at track meet

"Here is the circle of life as I slice it from you like carving knife in lasagna!" Said Garfield as he spun into all of the Abstergo mercenaries and sliced all of them into bloody bits and pieces.

Garfield wiped his hands of blood and dust as he settled down. But then he felt cheap trick from behind as Otso Berg tried to stab him with machete only for the machete to crumple up like melted butterstick upon Garfield's steel back muscles!

"Garfield you have slain all my friends and men under my motherly command! Now you shall perish like honorless mutt with might of my backstab fueled by sorrow and desires of revenge!" Otso Berg said with tears running in voice of battle-broken scarred veteran.

"Two can play that game!" Said Jon Arbuckle with interception as he merrily stabbed Otso Berg through the back of his head with his golden revolver's barrel.

"Thank you Jon Arbuckle for the save but I had him." Said Garfield as he crushed head of Otso Berg like squishy ravioli in hands.

"Garfield how could the Assassins and Templars have being resurrected if you had slain them all in prior adventures?" Said Jon Arbuckle with confusion.

"Only one thing must be certain. After destroying Haytham and Binky the Clown I mustve reset all of reality bringing them all back to life to begin their wicked ways anew." Said Garfield with multiversal concepts of relativity.

"Garfield let us hunt them together!" Said Jon Arbuckle with proposal of team-up as he whirled golden revolvers with his fingers.

"I am sorry Jon Arbuckle but for Abstergo has made this too personal for you to come along so I must hunt them to ends of all by my own!" Said Garfield with solitary intends as he and Jon Arbuckle walked to his arsenal.

"Then Garfield what will I do?" Asked Jon Arbuckle with lost questionings.

Garfield shook his head with much disdain at the question. "Jon Arbuckle are you not my manliest disciple or are you instead really foolish crying baby lost in toy store?"

"Forgive me Garfield for it is the first time any of us have been faced with such a personal threat and I am feeling the pressure of much!" Jon Arbuckle said with respect as he fell to his knees and bowed before Garfield.

"Jon Arbuckle if I do not return at a leisurely pace be sure to assemble the Powerful Ally Welfare Syndicate whom I have assembled for you to lead to defend world in my absence." Said Garfield with orders as he handed list to Jon Arbuckle with names on it.

"Yes Garfield I will be sure to not let you down!" Said Jon Arbuckle with affirmations before Garfield opened up the Garage door and hopped in his All-American classic 1960s Muscle car blaring heavy rock and roll before speeding off at maximum speed.

Meanwhile at a secret warehouse base Rebecca Crane and Lucy Stillman were trying to find the secret hidden in past to save the world to no avail as they shifted through Desmond Miles memories.

"Oh no this is hopeless the memories of Ezio Auditore are completely useless for saving the world!" Said Rebecca Crane with frustration as she ripped Desmond out of the Animus and slapped him for uselessness.

"I am sorry for being sheer dead weight!" Weeped Desmond Miles with ineptitude like crying girl slapped by daddy as Rebecca continued to kick him with anger.

"If Desmonds memories are useless for he is not the real chosen one how are we to find the pieces of the Lasagna of Eden in time before Abstergo does? Is there any man in here man enough with lineage to save the world?" Said Lucy with panic.

"Ahem. I believe that it is finally my time to shine in the spotlight." Said Shaun Hastings as he stepped out of the shadows with voice of greedy self-interest and ego wearing malicious glasses.

Desmond Miles hid behind Lucy and Rebecca with cowardice like beaten child behind mothers legs as Shaun approached them with darkness swirling in his wake.

"You have no more other options than to try with me!" Said Shaun Hastings as cackling as he stood before them.

"Oh no Shaun you are far too wicked to be put in Animus!" Said Rebecca with stern refusal. "Your memories will only lead us to destruction!"

"Then I shall make you put me in!" Said Shaun Hastings as he charged up his nega-chi and exploded dark tentacle demon tendrils from his back with intentions of fist but before Shaun could act there was sudden explosion as Garfields Muscle car exploded through the windows to hard rocking hype pumping heavy metal music.

"My quest for JUSTICE and VENGEANCE has brought me to this seemingly insignificant warehouse!" Said Garfield with detective work. "What have we got here – none other than a nefarious Abstergo agent undermining the forces of good!"

"Kill Lucy for she is the traitor!" Said Shaun Hasting with lies of covering own weaselish back.

"LIES for no honest good man would dare to hit a woman to force her to see his way!" Said Garfield with true gallantry with the song "You Got Another Thing Comin" playing as he strolled up to Shaun. "And now you shall know the toll price of deceit at the gates of judgment!"

Shaun then tried to flee like scampering mouse but Garfield leapt out in front of him blocking path knocking Shaun down and with fury fists he smashed all of Shauns ribs in before he grabbed Shaun by the legs before tearing him in half like paper doll.

"And you see here this is the Abstergo camera he was using to relay information to the enemy with!" Said Garfield with confirmation as he reached into the mutilated corpse of Shaun and ripped out enemy device.

"Impossible? One of us, working for Abstergo! How could it be?" Said Lucy Stillman in great shock.

"I should've known it for he was true pitiful minnow under sheets." Rebecca mumbled in shamed hindsight.

"What will we do now?" Said Desmond Miles with needing of guidance.

"I am your new leader!" Said Garfield as he took charge. "What have you been doing here?"

"Garfield we have been scanning the memories of Desmond Miles ancestry with the Animus for it is being foretold that his ancestors all came across fragments of fabled Lasagna of Eden which we can use to stop the Abstergo plot of doom!" Lucy told Garfield with catch-up speed. "But all hope is seeming to be lost as his memories are only being dead-ends!"

"Hope is never lost as long as one brave soldier maintains his post upon the battlefield!" Said Garfield with inspirational speech. "I shall use your machine to travel back in time to confront Desmond Miles ancestors in person and if they do not relinquish their fragments to me I shall pry it from their cold selfish hands."

"But Garfield Animus is not a time machine it is merely simulation device!" Said Rebecca with technological know-how.

"Your ANIMUCK may be useless now but not after it has been rebooted with my hands!" Said Garfield as he ripped the Animus apart and began to retype code into machine and in two minutes had turned the Animus into a time machine.

"Wow Garfield how could you have done that! I have tried the same thing but I always lack the knowledge of singularity and quantum physics to complete the process!" Rebecca Crane awed with heavy wonder as Lucy and Desmond gasp at marvel of Garfield's time machine.

"Oh ladies spend a night with me and I shall disperse to you all the secrets of my knowledge." Said Garfield with saucy offer.

"Oh Garfield you are a true romantic!" Said Rebecca Crane with fawning eyes as she leapt into Garfield's open arms and felt his muscle bulging as he flexed.

"What about me? I am wishing I am to join festivities but it is true tragedy for I am Desmond's girlfriend." Said Lucy with monogamy.

"Lucy do not fear to go for I realize that Garfield with far greater man than I am for it is honor for him to do the act of romantics with you!" Said Desmond with smart realizations as he handed Lucy to Garfield.

"Pay close attention Desmond Miles and in time you may learn from me to become real man instead of useless tumor you are upon these ladies." Said Garfield with sternness of wise master as he scooped up the babes with his arms tightly.

"I cannot wait for that!" Said Desmond Miles as his eyes sparkled bubbly like sycophantic puppy dog.

"But before I am to embark on my ultimate journey through time I shall spend a night getting to know you two." Said Garfield with wink as he took Lucy and Rebecca to their private chambers as soulful music of the 60s 70s and 80s played to begin a night of wild passionate romance as lineages of years flowed in fluid and became one under sheets.

To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2

Garfield's Creed III episode II - Crusading the Crusaders

By the next day of sunrise birds were chirping and the air was crisp with smell of fresh morning dew upon the blades of grass.

Garfield yawned as he stretched out his arms, sniffing in the lingering remnants of the romances of the previous night in the air as Rebecca and Lucy began to stir.

"Garfield please can you not stay with us for a few minutes more? The morning is still young and the fleeting fragments of the beckon of night hang." Said Lucy as she rubbed her eyes.

"Yes Garfield may you not honor our requests for one night of romance is not adequately enough to satisfy my libido." Rebecca said with desire for more as she slid shirt over nude form.

"I am sorry ladies but saving the world must no longer be delayed in favor of bedtime." Said Garfield with professional interests in best as he stepped towards the time machine.

"Where are you going today?" Asked Desmond Miles with interest as he turned on time machine for Garfield.

"I have heard legends of the original Assassins Lasagna Fortress of Masyaf so without a doubt the Lasagna of Eden fragment I am looking for is there!" Said Garfield with keen insight as Rebecca punched in coordinates which opened glowing electric time vortex.

Garfield then leapt into the time portal while the three Assassins of Modern Day wished him good luck.

When Garfield came to he felt the heat of the desert sun bearing upon him and as his vision cleared he found that he was in Jerusalem in the year 10XX as the Templars and Assassins battled for control of Holy Land!

"Halt! Who art thou that mysteriously materializes in the midst of our thin air!" Said the daft Templar Knight with great disturbance as he strolled towards Garfield with companion guards.

"Surely he must be a devious warlock with intents of malice of stopping our conquering of the Holy Land!" Said a stupid guard with superstitions.

"I have no time for silly diddle-daddle. Step aside or you shall know the wrath of the ultimate man - GARFIELD." Garfield said to the Templar knight and his minions with feline warning.

"There is no ultimate man but our lord the Father of Understanding!" Said the stupid Templar Knight as he withdrew his sword with his minions. "For this blasphemy you will perish!"

"Then you dour trespassing poosaders shall know the wrath of the border patrol!" Said Garfield with quip and political relevance as he whipped out a Desert Eagle and shot the stupid Templar Knight through the head blowing him up.

"Aiee he has felled our master! Surely if we flee this skilled combatant shall show us mercy!" Said the stupid guards as they scattered.

"The time for mercy has passed. You have all been naughty so Now it is the time FOR DISCIPLINE." Said Garfield with just deliverance as he gun spanked all the stupid guards with pinpoint shots from his duel Desert Eagles.

"OWIE ZOWIE!" Cried all of the guards as they writhed around on the grounds bemoaning the loss of potty breaks in grueling work day.

Garfield then walked away professionally from the beaten Templars but he did not get far before suddenly he was accosted by the beggars.

"We have seen from fight that you are clearly reputable man of much wealth! Dispense upon us deposits of your great capital!" Groveled all the beggars as they crowded around Garfield.

Garfield was disgusted by the social decay in front of him and with great social reform he scooped up all the beggars with his large masculine arms and then proceeded to piledrive them into the Earths crust!

"No successful man ever got to anywhere in life by whining for handouts like spoiled rich child waiting for ice cream truck money. GET A JOB you wretched excuse for men." Said Garfield as he proceeded to clothesline the beggars.

"Yes Garfield you are right the only people who we have to blame for our hardships is us." Said the beggars with realizations as they crawled away with their broken bodies to get jobs.

"Wow that was very impressive I do not know why I never tried that before!" Said a new voice.

Garfield looked towards the new voice and he saw that it was a hooded figure in white armed with hidden blade.

"Then you clearly do not think like a man." Said Garfield with disdain.

"Hello who are you? I am Altair Ibn-La'ahad!" Said Altair with introductions.

"I am Garfield and I do not have time for small chitter chatter!" Garfield said with urgency. "I am looking for the Fabled piece of the Lasagna of Eden that the Assassins possess!"

"Garfield if you may lend me assistance in my great quest of redemption I shall lead you to Masyaf where we the Assassins hold all our lasagna!" Said Altair with trading.

"Very well what is your quest then?" Garfield accepted as he cracked his knuckles with readying for skull cracking.

"My mentor Al Muslim has stripped me of my status in Great Assassin Brotherhood for failing on mission so he has sent me on perilous journey to assassinate Nine Templars in order to redeem myself." Said Altair with painful as he remembered memories. "But I fear I have hitting the dead end for I have tracked the Final Templar with no avail!"

"Self-pity will get you nowhere!" Said Garfield with slap of sense across Altair's face. "Action is the only means which you can solve your dilemma!"

"You are right! But that means I have to work by climbing that tall important looking building to see entire city in viewpoint but it is too hard and it gives my hands blisters which really hurts!" Whined Altair like petulant child.

"THEN LET ME LEND A HELPING FIST!" Roared Garfield with ire at weakness as he uppercutted Altair high into the stratosphere and from there Altair saw the entire city and instantly located the informant who had everything he needed. Then he landed in pile of hay so he did not perishing form the fell.

"Garfield!" Screamed Altair with gratitude as he stumbled out of the hay pile. "That was a brilliant move! No longer am I crippled by my own self-doubts You have taught me with leap of faith how to become man!"

Garfield and Altair then walked towards the location of the informant.

"Informant I have come to pry from you the vital information of the Templars!" Said Altair with interrogation.

"Not if you cannot catch me first!" Said the Informant as his eyes bulged wide open with fresh fear at the sight of oncoming Garfield.

It then began high intensity chase through the market street of Jerusalem.

"Take to the rooftops Altair we shall head him off at the pass!" Said Garfield with orders.

"Garfield that is a brilliant plan!" Said Altair with approval as he commenced freerunning parkour.

The informant laughed nefariously as he tossed down money causing great congregation of beggars to swarm over it while knocking down fruit stands to create tripping obstacles in chase path! But Garfield plowed through the obstacles like superspeed tank.

"Your petty parlor tricks are no match for a champion!" Said Garfield as he easily caught up to the informant.

"Garfield how can you have caught up to me? I am by far the fastest runner in all of Great Palestine!" The Informant blubbered with flabbergasting.

"I beg to differ!" Said Garfield as he grabbed the Informant and then began to accelerate his legs to hyperspeed. The informant screamed as the friction of heat around them began to overwhelm his pathetic wimpy body and within seconds all of his skin and flesh had been fractioned off leaving behind just a charbroiled skeleton.

"Garfield that was an impressive display of agility but I have feared you have killed our only informant!" Said Altair with sorrow as he caught up to Garfield.

"NONSENSE." Garfield said as he pointed to his cranium. "Everything we've always needed is in here!"

Garfield then walked over to the splattered brain remains of the Informant and stuck his finger in it before taking a lick. "MMMM just like tomato sauce!"

"Where does his brain say my target is?" Asked Altair with impatience.

"He is in no other place than MASYAF partying with Al Muslim!" Said Garfield with sudden revelation.

"Gasp!" Said Altair with shock. "But that is the Assassin stronghold! Why would enemy Templar be in Masyaf partying with my master!"

"Only one way to find out and that is the way of CONFRONTATION!" Said Garfield as he whistled bringing aflame horses of war to Altair and Garfield.

Garfield and Altair then took off with maximum speed towards Masyaf

"Oh no it is coming invaders we must stop them!" Said Templar Knights at the gates of Masyaf as Garfield and Altair rushed into sight.

"These must be the vile enemies of Assassins and by impeding my quest they are also vile enemies of AMERICA!" Said Garfield with analysis.

"Drop the oil!" Said the Templar Knight commander as the Templars dropped oceans full of oil upon Garfield and Altair.

"Fools it only reinforces the burning might of HORSEPOWER!" Garfield said as the oil added to the fire horse causing extreme flame that melted all the Templars to death.

"NOOOOO we were fools how could we have forgotten simple chemistry?" Wailed all the stupid Templars as they died.

"I am the peacemaker! With my fists I write the treaty to your wretched fool man's conflict!" Quipped Garfield as he leapt through the air and annihilated Assassin and Templar alike with his punches ending their war.

Altair and Garfield then came to a door.

"This is where we keep all our lasagna as well as the Sauce of Eden!" Said Altair with information.

"My manly feline senses detect great evil ahead." Garfield hissed as he eyed the door. "We must not tread lightly toward whatever lays ahead!"

Garfield than with heavy force kicked open the doors splintering them from their foundations. With great shock in front of the massive lasagna hordes were none other than Al Muslim and the Grand Master Templar Robert de Sable.

"What is this?" Shouted the Robert de Sable with mortifications. "Al Muslim you have promised me the end of Assassins trying fighting me!"

"I am no Assassin and I will never stop fighting until all evil has been pounded FLATTER THAN PIZZA CRUST!" Said Garfield as he rolled up sleeves to display grand muscular physicue.

"Then you shall perish by these words!" Robert de Sable angrily swore as he withdrew his sword.

As lighting crackled with thunder boom in background in stormy castle Robert de Sable swung at Garfield repeatedly with his mighty sword strikes but each time Garfield skillfully blocked each of his strikes with merely his fists.

"Blast you heretic cat! Why do you not perish?" Screamed Robert de Sable as Garfield caught the tip of his blade with his two fingers.

"Your blade lacks polish fortunately I am here to help sharpen!" Garfield said as he scratched the steel of Robert de Sable's blade with his claws creating field of static electricity and then with push he shoved the sword through Robert de Sable's chest electrocuting him.

"GGGGGPZPZPZZPBTZTZZT!" Robert de Sable stuttered before he was electrocuted to a pile of ashes.

"That was a very impressive maneuver." Said Al Muslim with scorning praise. "But lets see what happens when someone uses your own toys against you!"

Al Muslim than let loose a wicked laugh as he unleashed steady stream of lighting from fingertips onto Garfield!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO he is my friend you cannot do this!" Altair screamed with anger of true friend.

"Altair you must do this for the future of the Assassin Brotherhood. I am our leader and you must do what I say!" Al Muslim laughed evilly as he continued to blast Garfield with his lightning.

"Our Creed say that Nothing is True and Everything is Permitted!" Said Altair with defiance as he grabbed Al Muslim. "So I must defy you to save our future!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGH!" Altair screamed but he did not give up as Al Muslim started to blast him with lightning and then he slammed Al Muslim face-first into the lasagna!

"OH NO MY EVIL MAKES ME ALLERGIC TO LASAGNA!" Said Al Muslim with severe allergic reaction as his tomato sauce and ricotta covered head swelled like balloon and then blew up.

"I appreciate that save but it was ultimately futile." Said Garfield as he walked up to Altair very unharmed.

"Garfield you are not toasted!" Wondered Altair. "How is this possible?"

"I am a cat as well as a man. Electricity has no effect on me." Garfield said with science.

"Wow Garfield I am surprised I did not thinkings of that before!" Said Altair with incredulence of self.

"It is a learners mistake. It is separates the men from novices." Garfield said as he strolled up lasagna steps to glowing treasure chest.

Garfield proceeded to open up the treasure chest and with high strung motion he got the Sauce of Eden! With main objective complete time began to warp around Garfield.

"Bye Garfield I hope I see you again one day!" Said Altair with farewells, grateful for the many lessons learned from the mysterious orange super man known only as Garfield on this day!

Garfield then reappeared in Home Base, carrying the Sauce of Eden.

"Oh boy Garfield what awesome adventures did you have today?" Said Desmond with toadying. "Can I play with you now kitty cat?"

"I have little time to rest my legs especially for you. The hunt must continue!" Garfield said as he handed the Sauce of Eden to Lucy as Rebecca prepared to type in new coordinates.

"Where to next Garfield?" Rebecca said as she awaited new orders.

"Where else but the birthplace of lasagna itself… RENAISSANCE ITALY." Garfield used his logic to explain. Then as familiar beats of family tune begin to play in background, Garfield then stepped into the glowing time portal.

As Garfield emerged on the other side he found himself standing atop the dome of Famous Italian Landmark in Famous Italian City. The moon was high in the sky bright and woman with choir angel voice sang as Garfield looked around and synchronized his view of the city.

"It is lasagna season and the whole country is my playground." Said Garfield as he sniffed in, sensing wonderful lasagna baking in ovens all over Italy.

Garfield then clasped his hands together and prayed to the spirits of lasagna.

"Oh great Lasagna God grant me your power in this barbaric renaissance world so that I may save the babes of the future with it!" Garfield demanded as his eyes looked over all of Italy.

Lasagna from every inch of Italy then burst out from their ovens and flew into Garfield's mouth powering up his body, and he created grand Garfield lights that shined over all of Italy as he spewed fireworks of great satisfaction from mouth.

"No one shall expect the Garfield inquisition!" Garfield said as he continued hunt for fragment of the Lasagna of Eden in Italy by leaping down from the tall building and words appeared in the sky as he did to swell of great emotional iconic music

Ubisoft Presents

Garfield's Creed III: Last Memories

To be continued...


	3. Chapter 3

Garfield's Creed III episode 3 – The Assassin Lord of Time

It was a sunlit day in the Italian Famous City of Florence as crowds of Italian people strolled down the streets.

Suddenly the tranquil of the calm was broken by the sudden arrival of brash and arrogant youths spreading terror!

"We are the Florentine Fops and terrorism is the greatest thrill of all!" Laughed Skinhead Youth gang as they ran through streets terrorizing the people in market square.

"Ooh have you ever seen such cruelty?" Pleaded helpless old woman as the Skinhead Youth gang beat her up to great bloodflow in extremities. "Where is end to this madness?"

"This is wonderful life we live. May it never change or change us!" Said the eyepatch-wearing monocle-clad Leader of the Skinhead Youth gang as he shanked the helpless old woman in side causing flow of blood like rapid creek trickle.

Suddenly there was the motion of earthquake as market square was torn asunder by ground-quaking steps of a MAN. Garfield stepped onto the scene and instantly he was disgusted by the display of extreme cruelty.

"I am change and I have plenty to spare." Quipped Garfield as he rolled up sleeves to show muscles ready for fighting like bursting supervolcano.

"Who are you, to think that you can stop us, the fantabulous Florentine Fops?" Sneered the foolish Leader of the Skinhead Youth gang like ignorant man blinded by the darkness.

"The only thing I hate more than TERRORISTS are RACIST TERRORISTS." Garfield said as he grabbed two of the Skinheads and slammed their heads together crushing them like watermelon under monster truck compacter.

"You have just signed your death warrant! And we shall keep the change!" Tried to quip the leader of the Skinheads as he and his minions surrounded at Garfield.

"Your quips are like your life. Wasted and pathetic." Said Garfield as he beckoned to the skinheads to take the first strike.

"You orange fiend I shall prove the superiority of the white man!" Said one skinhead minion as he tried to stiletto Garfield but Garfield with ease snapped him back with flick of finger into paint stall.

"You are blinded with hate by the love of one color aboverest… so TASTE THE RAINBOW!" Garfield quipped with ingenuity as the skinhead minion was coated in paint colors and died of lead poisoning.

Garfield then sensed another skinhead coming in front behind with large axe of chopping with intents to chop. With no worries Garfield did backflip double kick and grabbed the skinhead from the ground.

"You mustn't be so ignorant. You must try WARMING up to new ideas!" Garfield said as he tossed the skinhead into the blacksmiths store's furnace.

"Spare me I surrender! I promise I will stop being a racist terrorist!" Pleaded the final skinhead minion with sycophantic baby weeping.

"I've got a fishy feeling about your surrender. So my mercy shall GO FISH!" Garfield said as he threw the minion over to the fish stand of the market where he was promptly impaled through the mouth on a swordfish.

"What… what are you?" Screamed the Leader of the Skinheads as he fired his gun futilely in the fear of the approaching Garfield missing every shot like Chicago Cubs at the Super Bowl.

"I am the architect of the American Dream. Liberty and justice flow in my blood. I am the living vessel of the great will of Lasagna. I am the shepherd of equality. I am the fires that keep the light of civilization burning even in the darkest hours of human corruption. I am the pinnacle of all that was ever great and the aspiration to all that will be. I. AM. GARFIELD!" Garfield said as he towered over the weaselish skinhead like shining star on Christmas tree.

"Please spare me Garfield!" Pleaded the Leader Skinhead as he bowed before Garfield in awe of his might and manliness.

"It is too late for that for the blind eye of racists cannot be opened!" Said Garfield with justice as he grabbed the Leader Skinhead by the neck and ripped out his remaining eye. "You racists are living insult to the pride of the American dream. You impede the ultimization, the perfection of human potential, with your backwoods hatreds! I WILL AMEND YOU!"

Garfield then threw the Leader Skinhead high into the sky and then he leaned back and charged his fist. When the Leader Skinhead returned to Earth Garfield unleashed colossal roar of

"SHORYUKEN!" Garfield then hit the Leader Skinhead with the mighty flaming uppercut of AMERICAN JUSTICE overwhelming his body with RED WHITE AND BLUE impact force sending him into atmosphere.

"Halt! What has happened here!" Said Lorenzo Medici as he walked into the remains of Market place with contingent of guards.

"Justice happened." Garfield said as he turned to face the new arrivals.

"No man dispenses justice in my city of Firenze without my permission. This is treason by hanging!" Said Lorenzo Medici with tyranny.

"Then why have you not taken care of racist terrorists taunting the name of justice before?" Said Garfield with inquiries of suspicion.

"You FOOL! Skinhead gangs are as vital to European life as football and alcohol!" Said Lorenzo Medici with puny flimsy justifications.

"You are nothing but mere coward hiding behind mother's skirt. You are no man and your stature shall reflect it!" Garfield said with dead-eye of punishment as he unholstered his Desert Eagle and rectified Lorenzo Medici.

"You stronzo you are breaking the law I will have you hung like no cat has been hung before!" Cried Lorenzo Medici with much pain as he clutched at missing parts.

"Law?" Asked Garfield while Judas Priests "Breaking the Law" played for all to hear. "I AM THE LAW."

Garfield then turned to the guards and pointed to his chest with thumb. "I AM GARFIELD! I AM YOUR NEW LEADER! FROM THIS DAY FORCE YOU SHALL NO LONGER BE HIRED THUGS OF MANIACAL NOBLEMEN. FROM NOW ON, YOU ARE THE DISPENSERS OF JUSTICE! YOU ARE THE PUBLIC PROTECTORS AND THE SPIRIT OF THE GOOD OF THE PEOPLE! HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR?"

"Yes Garfield!" Saluted all the guards as they reformed themselves from feudal Medici corruption and became dispensers of democratic American justice.

"Now…" Garfield said with interrogation as he walked over to Lorenzo Medici who was crying out his eyes like melted ice cream. "Give me answers and I'll make it quick."

"You must find Ezio for answers now please release me you said it would be quick." Said Lorenzo Medici with answering.

"As you wish!" Garfield said with express speed as he grabbed Lorenzo Medici by the head before gouging out his eyes and ripping his skull in two with efficient speed.

Later at the town of Monteriggioni Ezio Auditore the Assassin and Leonardo da Vinci and other Assassins of Italy were trying to find out secret of the Apple of Eden to defeat the Templars.

"This is hopeless! These relics are mere bafflement of forgotten age!" Leonardo da Vinci said with frustration as he tugged at his beard while looking over the Apple.

"I should've known better than to trust a barmy fruit like you for answers!" Ezio Auditore mocked with homophobia as he smacked Leonardo da Vinci across the face with hate. "How will I complete my glorious final solution to Templar problem now without Apple power! When I do you gays shall join the Templars in my camps of concentration!"

"Dear brother Ezio do you think that you are not being tad bit unreasonable?" Said Claudia Auditore with sisterly concern as she walked in with Rosa and Catarina Sforza. "To fight enemy is one thing but to kill them in all in indiscriminate masses seems unreasonable bloodshed!"

Ezio then angrily slapped his sister across the face with punishing hand of authority. "QUIET YOUR MOUTH YOU FOOL WOMAN? DO YOU DARE QUESTION THE WORD OF I, THE ULTIMATE MAN? I AM VENGEANCE! I AM THE NIGHT! I AM SUPREME POWER! I AM EZIO!"

"But Brother perhaps the answer lies not in the Apple of Eden but rather the fragment of the Lasagna of Eden that has lied in our family generation for so long!" Claudia insisted as she wiped the blood away from her cut lip.

"YOU IMPRUDENT WOMAN!" Ezio clenched his fists with incensed rage and he unleashed full monsoon of tropical fury upon helpless Claudia. "Lasagna is the fool's food of peasant cuisine, not befit for Homo Superior Assassin I, Ezio Auditore! The Shadow Master has shown me that healthy food like apple is the way of power! When I am king of world, lasagna will be first to go after I wipe the blood of the last baby Templar shredded from my fingers and I will replace all of it with healthy foods like salad! Best of all, it will be salad WITHOUT CROUTONS!"

"Hahahaha! Nice one, Ezio!" Laughed goons Machiavelli and Uncle Mario with approval as Ezio wiped his hands of his sisters blood with his tongue ravishing the taste like sweet lollipops.

"Gasp!" Claudia covered up her bruised face with delicate lady fingers. "Brother you have become bitter and insane with power! In the end you have become the monster you have fought!"

"Do not dare compare me to the Templars! They were first in killing everything I hold there – therefore, it is justifiable that I wipe everything one of them out to make room for Assassin Empire! It has all been detailed in my lifelong work – my magnum opus, La Mia Battaglia!" Ezio chortled as he held out 666 page diatribe before Claudia. "NOW GO BACK TO DOING OUR MENIAL PAPERWORK LIKE A REAL WOMAN BEFORE I SMASH YOUR BRAINS IN WITH THIS BOOK!"

With that Ezio and his cohorts returned to plotting degenerate plot with laughter as they strolled out on horses to begin mission of doom as weeping Claudia crawled back to room of paperwork on her beaten knees with the other women following her in fear of Ezio's tyranny.

"It is horrible that Ezio has fallen off his rocker. I once thought that he would lead us to the stars above." Claudia said as she wiped her tears away with tissue as she sat down at desk to begin managing paperwork.

"What will become of Italia when he is in control?" Worried Catarina Sforza as she tenderly braided lock of red hair.

"Do not worry for I am certain that one day true man will come to liberate us from these false idols!" Insisted Rosa as she threw darts of frustration at vanity paintings of Ezio hanging all over Ezio Mansion.

"Your hope is misguided fool girl." Said Maria Auditore as she walked in with dried tears. "For decades Ezio has kept me locked in room making me cry over broken condom children and pitiful bedroom excuse for man I never loved."

Before Rosa could reply the very foundation of Ezio Mansion was shaken by gigantic series of earthquakes. They heard the thudding pounding of cat walk which, the sound of thunder steps that could only be made BY A MAN.

"Halt!" Said Guard Assassin standing at door of Ezio Mansion. "The Grandmaster Ezio is seen by appointment only!"

"Then I'll schedule one at two o clock!" Said Garfield as he swung two-o-clock fist at the Assassin taking off his head before he kicked the door to the mansion down and stormed into reception.

"What is this I see before my eyes is it the living return of the savior?" Gaped Claudia Auditore as she stood in awe at the manly aura radiating from Garfield as he stood before them.

"Shut your mouth foolish child there are no saviors in this world. Only the iron fist of Ezio which crushes all hopes." Said Maria Auditore with weary pessimism.

"Why must you be so pessimist all time?" Asked Rosa with tired irritation. "I can sense it in his eyes… hope and power flows… the power of liberation!"

"What a hunk! He easily shall complete my tools by the means of children making more!" Eagerly thirsted Caterina Sforza as she gazed over Garfield.

"This must be none other than the legendary super man Garfield who has been foretold by the codex of Altair!" Said Leonardo Da Vinci as he found himself in absolute awe at the mega muscles upon the muscles of Garfield.

"I am looking for the Lasagna of Eden you chicky wickees. Hand it over and I will leave the foundations of your pity excuse for mansion standing." Garfield said with orders.

"Garfield we would love to hand you over the Noodles of Eden but I fear that you have arrived in time of Ezios tyranny!" Said Claudia Auditore as she wiped away lone tear. "In his quest for promotion of healthy eating he has confiscated all lasagna and replaced it with healthy organic food!"

"What is this madness!" Yelled Garfield with growing rage. "Where is this Ezio so I may reshape his head like blob of Play-doh?"

"I fear that Ezio has departed for Tuscany for matters of evil business." Said Leonardo da Vinci with regretting deliverance. "But if you wait here you may ambush him yet!"

"Very well. Let us head to the big screen TV and watch some Monday Night Football to pass the time." Garfield made preposition as he headed to room only to find not TV but wall littered with codex papers.

"Garfield I am curious. What is TV and Monday Night Football?" Asked Rosa with time culture confusion.

"WHAAAAAA? No TV? No football? What sort of un-cultured, un-American uncivilized hellhole have I fallen into?" Garfield screamed towards the heavens at the barbarity of the Renaissance before he punched the wall in rage, annihilating all of Altair's codex teachings into nothing.

"Garfield we are sorry for having being disappointments! Please let us sate you and perhaps winning back the pleasures of your approval with our secret we have hidden from Ezio in hopes that one day real man might return!" Said all the women as they spread apart their legs to reveal that they were hiding lasagna!

"Ah, lasagna feast is adequate enough substitute for all-American party night." Said Garfield as he stripped himself off his body armor to fully unveil the gleaming sunlight absorbing hero-powered 128-warehouse size muscles on his chest.

"Wait Garfield what about the nefarious Templars that plague our world in addition to Ezio's tyranny?" Asked Rosa with sudden realization of stone left unturned.

"Templars? WHAT TEMPLARS" Garfield unleashed battle cry as he snapped his fingers with manifesting summon of lasagna energy and from the skies above descended lasagna meteor the size of Texas that fell upon the Templar Headquarter of Rome.

All the women oohed and aahed as they heard the rumbling sound of the all Templars in the world being wiped out by Garfield's lasagna meteor with coming climax.

"Look at his mastery of the power of Lasagna!" Gasped Maria Auditore who regained all of her hope with the display of Garfield's power. "He is truly the one who shall liberate us from the Apple Curtain!"

Garfield then rolled out large ornate tiger rug that smelt of fine Persian perfumes and in the air twanged the sexy strings of violins and lutes. Garfield then made beckoning motion to the stripping ladies. "Come let us commence our lasagna feast."

"Garfield may I join in these festivities, me as your canvas?" Begged Leonardo with coming out of closet.

Garfield shook his head. "No Leonardo for one must record this momentous occasion for the history books so that we may exit this dark age of uneducated humanity."

"Very well I understand!" Leonardo said as he pulled out paints and brushes and began to draw the lasagna feast as it unfolded before him.

Garfield then approached Maria Auditore first and with grabbing of her with his brawny hands he squeezed all of her he could like Charmin infusing her with sexual chi energy and he floundered her into the rug creating ornate waving motions of love before unloading final shot of affection into her. Then to add the sexiness rating Claudia Auditore took her mother by the hands and with Garfields authority command she bent over and kissed her mother with French talents before he wiped them both out with tidal wave of love.

"Let us consume the produce of the artisans!" Said Garfield as he rolled out his gritty tongue and with pleasures Caterina Sforza then spread her legs open and screamed with the ultimate ecstasy as Garfield slid into her like rattlesnake and consumed her lasagna.

"Garfield you may have overcome them like fallen cattle with ease but you must queen me first!" Said Rosa with darings of chase as she took off.

"Very well these little games keep the blood flowing and rigid!" Said Garfield as he chased Rosa with the two of them clad only with their natural fabrics of sexiness across the rooftops of Monteriggioni.

With giggling romances Garfield leapt like football master and tackled Rosa into haystack of desire. "Rosa you may run with the craft of the fox but there is no beast which outruns the love of the HUNTSMAN."

"Oh Garfield!" Laughed Rosa with adoration as she rubbed palms all across the well-tanned back of Garfield. "You have caught me! Now rightfully mount me on your wall!"

Garfield then proceeded to mount Rosa on the back with foxy lovemaking and he mounted her with energetic thrusts of his long blade all the way back to the chamber of love in Ezio Mansion and as he fell into center of all the awning ladies he stretched himself apart and then Garfield proceeded to envelope all the women in embrace like sexy ravioli and lights out went with ultimate light show of sexual drive.

Meanwhile Ezio and his wicked band of Assassins were in Tuscany committing crimes of indecency against innocent people when suddenly

"I sense a great disturbance in the force!" Said Machiavelli with sudden burst of pantswetting.

"How could this be?" Asked Uncle Mario with apprehensions. "We have left Monteriggioni with ultimate of defenses of no Templar penetration!"

"This can only mean what we have feared most has come to pass!" La Volpe realized. "It is the arrival of the Ultimate Man come to stop our tyranny!"

"BLASPHEMIES!" Said Ezio Auditore with disbelieving. "I AM THE ULTIMATE MAN AND MY EMPIRE WILL LAST FOR BEYOND A THOUSAND YEARS! Come with me, my lieges! We shall ride home and put this upstart in his place!"

"But Ezio what about the innocent Templar children we were to round up and gas in our camps?" Asked Antonio with questions about future of devious Assassin plan.

"I am Ezio! I am forever! I will never die! There will be plenty of time to experience the great stupors of annihilation of Templars but first I must protect my empire!" Ezio said to Antonio with anger at thought of revolution.

Ezio and his Assassins then rode back to Monteriggioni with horrifying sight awaiting them at the Ezio Mansion.

It was Garfield cracking his knuckles readying for fighting as the babes and Leonardo hung in the back cheering him on.

"Dear Sister! What is this madness?" Ezio asked with furiousity as he pointed finger at Garfield.

"You should've known better than to treat flesh and blood like mere paperweight all these years!" Said Claudia with righteous judgment. "Now the blade of justice has arrived to end the reign of your madness and restore the balance of lasagna to Italy in person!"

"INSOLENCE SISTER! I will have you whipped for this after I am done with this Garfield! I will show that I am the truest of men!" Ezio screamed with megalomania.

"Then come to me and prove it!" Said Garfield with ribbing challenge as he made waving motion with hand to Ezio. "Man to man."

"Um…" Said Ezio with apprehension.

"What is the matter boy has the cat got your tongue?" Taunted Garfield with sharp wit.

"GUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!" Said Ezio with coward mans maneuver and instantly his Assassins leapt forward to provide protective fighting force.

"Ha ha ha ha Garfield you'll never catch me now!" Sneered Ezio as he strapped on rocked powered flying machine and burst off into skies with the Apple of Eden and Noodles of Eden in tow in coward escape.

"Ezio you are fool. Land water or sky nowhere can you hide from the blade of JUSTICE." Swore Garfield with determination as he put on fighting man's gloves and shades.

"To me my Assassins. If we surround him and then GACK!" Garfield interrupted Machiavelli by grabbing his head and lifting him into air while he was formulating brilliant battle plan.

"In a true fight BRAWN beats BRAINS!" Said Garfield with truth as he proceeded to crush Machiavelli's head like tin can with fist.

"Oh no he has taken out our Master Baiter!" Said Antonio with fear. "What will we do?"

"Leave it up to me… IT'S A ME, MARIO!" Said Uncle Mario with battle cry as he charged up fireballs and fired them from his fists at Garfield.

Garfield with ease leapt into the sky and flipped over the fireballs and as he did he grabbed large axe from weapon pit.

"I am the fireman and your flames are extinguished!" Said Garfield as he readied strike to head of Uncle Mario.

"MAMMA MIA!" Uncle Mario cried out in realization of defeat.

"Game over!" Garfield quipped as he hit Uncle Mario with such force he completely bisected the Assassin into two perfect halves.

"You may have felled our strongest fighter but you are no match for the shadows!" Said La Volpe as he slinked through shadows like coward readying for strike moment.

"Then…" Garfield voice rumbled with commanding power. "Let there be light!"

Garfield activated the flashlight attachment on his Desert Eagles and La Volpe screamed as he was blinded. In his panic La Volpe covered his eyes and accidentally popped his hidden blades into them.

"Eye didn't see that happening!" Joked Garfield with amusement as he looked for Antonio, only to see giant robo foot come down with intents of crushing.

"VENICE STORM WARNING!" Screamed Antonio, who was riding in a giant mech built from the buildings and canals of Venice.

Antonio then unleashed a fire of machine gun bullets upon Garfield, who quickly bolted across the rooftops of Monteriggioni to avoid being shredded. With daring side-running, Garfield scaled the walls of the fortress looking for vantage point.

"Here, Garfield catch!" Said Leonardo da Vinci as he threw a Renaissance rock launcher at Garfield.

"Thank you, Da Vinci. Now it is time to wipe that eyesore off the maps." Said Garfield as he looked through the sights at the rampaging Venice Mech.

"Blast off!" Garfield quipped as he pulled the trigger, unleashing mighty barrage of rocks at the Venice Mech exploding it instantly and sending Antonio to pieces upon impact.

"Only Ezio is left and then you will have saved the day!" Informed Rosa as Garfield walked to the exit of Monteriggioni.

"But how will you catch up to Ezio in time?" Worried Claudia with feminine sympathy. "By now my diablo brother may be anywhere in the skies!"

"I have no doubt that you will find my son and give him the abortion I should've!" Maria Auditore encouraged Garfield.

"Indeed and the sooner we can get this over with the sooner we can have a true lasagna party." Said Caterina Sforza as she licked her lips.

"I believe I may have secret that can assist you in catching up to Ezio!" Said Leonardo Da Vinci as he led Garfield back into the Ezio Mansion and towards basement.

"What is this?" Garfield asked as he saw badass special set of armor resting in centerpiece of room surrounded by statues of Assassins.

"That is the greatest invention of Altair!" Said Leonardo da Vinci. "It was a secret that only the greatest of men could ever use to its full potential!"

Garfield then strapped on the armor, and reached for the helmet before putting it on. He walked outside to clear field as the women and liberated people of Italy cheered him on.

"Good luck, Garfield!" Said Leonardo with best wishes.

"It is not luck. It is skill!" Said Garfield with fact as he switched the Armor of Altair on and waited for it to hit MAXIMUM POWER.

"Off to the stars I go." Garfield said as the rocket on the Armor of Altair's jetpack flared to life, sending him flying high into the skies at maximum speed until he was little more than twinkle in the heavens above as Iron Maidens Final Frontier album played.

As Garfield flew above in space, Planet Earth was blue and there was plenty he could do. With the sense of a hawk, Garfield activated his innate Feline Vision and zeroed in on Ezio who was laughing evilly as he flew towards innocent kitten orphanage with intents of exploding!

"Does his evil know no bounds?" Said Garfield with disgust as he steered himself into atmospheric reentry. Like fireball, Garfield then proceeded to strike the fleeing Ezio with the power of hornet sting!

"Curse you Garfield!" Said Ezio as Garfield ripped off the wings of his flying machine. "Die Die Die!"

Ezio then proceeded to lift up his arm revealing hidden gun and fired at it, only for Garfield to daftly catch the bullet with his mouth and grind it up, before spitting back hot bullet pieces into the face of Ezio blinding him with burning lead.

"AAAAAAAAAAGH!" Screamed Ezio as he desperately ripped out Apple of Eden as he and Garfield did mid-air tussle for the fate of Italy. "YOU WILL SUBMIT TO THE POWER OF THE APPLE!"

Ezio then proceeded to blast Garfield with killing power of the Apple of Eden but to his horror, Garfield stood his ground unharmed as they clashed as the air whooshed around them. With no fear, Garfield grabbed the Apple of Eden taking off Ezio's hand with it and tossed the Apple of Eden in his mouth, before chewing and spitting out the core.

"COULD'VE USED MORE CARAMEL!" Said Garfield with culinary critique as he backhanded Ezio taking out half of his teeth and did a flip releasing hot jetpack exhaust into Ezio's face burning off all his hair and blackening his skin like overcooked Christmas cookies.

"You may punish me with your blows but my infinite supply of medicine will ensure my invulnerability!" Ezio screamed with broken video game mechanics as he doused himself with medicine. But to his dismay, his wounds did not heal! "What…. how is this possible?"

"Don't you know? AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY!" Quipped Garfield with finishing maneuver as he used spinal tap to render Ezio inert before throwing the remains of the flying machine away like discarded doll.

"No… healthy eating…. will prevail… over your filthy… lasagna…" Ezio said with misguided blindness.

"Then I've got a fresh seafood meal waiting for you, rich with nutritious protein!" Garfield said as he flew down towards the ocean.

"Garfield, you think you may have won… but the war shall continue! For I am really a time-lo" Said Ezio with devious laughter before Garfield cut him off with finished smack and snatched the Noodles of Eden from his wrecked body.

"SAVE IT FOR THE FISHES." Said Garfield as he dropped Ezio deep into the ocean where he was grabbed the tentacles by kraken for violent purposes.

Garfield flew back to Monteriggioni where the babes and Leonardo were waiting for him with great feast and applause.

"Oh Garfield you have finally liberated Italy! Will you not stay to help rebuild what Ezio destroyed?" Said Claudia Auditore with great offer.

"I am sorry baby but I must go where the wind leads me." Then Garfield concentrated his chi and he closed his eyes, listening to the wind as it ruffled by. Freedom, the wind said, and Garfield knew where his next stop in time was.

"Then what will we do?" Asked Caterina Sforza with wonder.

"My sun-tanned tomato, have you not seen what happens when men like Ezio are in control? Perhaps its time the babes got their turn?" Said Garfield with sly wink.

"But who shall we put in charge of New Italia?" Asked Rosa with injection. "Surely a common woman like I should get first dibs above groomed piglets."

"There is only one way to determine… and that is the way of the kitten." Garfield said with another wink as all the women proceeded to strip and hop into combat circle to begin massive catfight orgy.

"Garfield should you not be taking off to next pressing objective?" Asked Leonardo as Garfield removed his flight helmet and reached for bottle of champagne.

"Leo-Man, saving the world is hard work. Sometimes you just gotta kick back for a little while, and enjoy the simple things." Said Garfield with wise advice as he and Leonardo high-fived and sipped their glasses of champagne with great satisfaction as they watched the ladies beat up and kiss each other.

Meanwhile, on the French coastline far away, Ezio in indescribably violated state washed up. He was dead… but then his body began to glow brighter and brighter until suddenly it was consumed by unlimited stream of energy and light!

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARFIELD!" Roared the former Ezio as his body was regenerated into new incarnation, ready to begin war with Garfield anew.

"Heh heh heh... say you want a revolution?" Said Arno Dorian with wink as he pulled up his hood and pressed a button with devious intents as time portals carrying other incarnations of Ezio in Tardises from throughout time opened up.

"We are the Eleven Ezios... mark your calendars for the Day of the Ezio!" Laughed Ezio as he stepped out of the final Tardis, polishing his blades with evil grin.

To be continued…


	4. Chapter 4

Garfield's Creed III episode 4 – Garfield of the Caribbean

Back at the Assassin Base in Modern Day Desmond Miles was pacing around worriedly.

"Garfield has been traveling through time for days now. Why has he not returned?" Asked Desmond to the women with worries.

"Quit your whining you spoiled white bitch." Said Rebecca Crane with taunting. "You have not even pulled your own weight around here for right to whine!"

"Ha ha ha good one Rebecca!" Said Lucy Stillman with girl power as she high-fived Rebecca and the two went back to waiting for Garfield to return.

Then there was the sound of thunder ball crackling as blue ball opened up and out walked Garfield clad in shades and Jetpack of Altair official licensed flight jacket. "Did someone say my name?"

"Oh Garfield at long last you have made your way home!" Said Rebecca Crane as her eyes lit up with arousal like red nose on reindeer.

"Yes it is fortunate timing for we were soon tiring of merely pathetic Desmond for company!" Lucy Stillman added with mockery.

"Now now watch your racy red lips ladies bullying is for buttheads." Said Garfield with flirting warnings as he slapped Rebecca on her nubile bums and wrapped his arm around Lucy like snake.

"Garfield may I help you in your quest against Abstergo I would wish to prove myself!" Interrupted Desmond Miles with urgency.

"Desmond to save the world is the job of a MANS not boys so I must tread without you." Garfield shot down Desmond with reality.

"Alright Garfield I will obey for I recognize the wisdom of your experience." Said Desmond with obedience as he walked off to play with teddy bears and other childrens toys.

Garfield then placed his jetpack helmet back on, readying for high-speed action. With command Garfield said "Take me to FREEDOM"

"As you wish Garfield!" Said Rebecca and Lucy as they prepared the time machine to send Garfield back in time to year 177X for freedom fight.

Time Portal opened with electric sci-fi retro music playing and the whirring of machinery was heard as Garfield saw before him in the time portal the fight for freedom in the battlefields of the American Revolution. Garfield then hit the start button on the Jetpack of Altair and off he went flying into the time portal.

Garfield traveled through time through whirling scitific time wormhole on smooth flight but suddenly he encountered turbulence as he felt incoming presence!

"Uh-oh! Should've worn your seat-belt!" Laughed a mysterious man with evil but familiar voice as he smashed into Garfield from above and knocked him spiraling out of path!

"Seat-belts are for wusses. I fly with the courage of man!" Garfield responded as he reoriented his jetpack flight to face the attacker.

Laughing with more evil, the mysterious man floated out of the timestream shadows to reveal that he was familiarly shaped but colored dark blue instead of orange. It was none other than the SHADOW GARFIELD!

"Gasp!" Said Garfield as he narrowed up his enemy. "You are like me in all aspects but constructed out of sheer malice!"

"Yes Garfield! Feast your eyes upon the pinnacle of evil evolution! I am the Shadow Master who has manipulated both Assassin and Templar from behind the scenes like puppet strings as true mastermind of evil plot to destroy you and America so all power in world will be mine!" Shadow Garfield said as he fired bolts of dark energy from his hands at Garfield who with ease dodged them with his jetpack flight.

"Your strings are about to be cut! YOUR EVIL STOPS HERE!" Swore Garfield as he zoomed himself with jetpack at Shadow Garfield with his claws springing out. But to Garfields shock Shadow Garfield blocked his blow and held it back with impressive force.

"Impossible!" Cried out Garfield. "I invented this technique myself! There is no known counter to its strike!"

"Ha ha ha ha ha! Known to none but you and I!" Laughed Shadow Garfield with his voice like echoing organs in empty church grinded through computer synthesizer. "I am your Shadow Garfield! I am the dark side that you have repressed for so long! And now I come to claim what is mine… THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!"

With that Shadow Garfield slashed Garfield across the chest with his claws leaving behind three manly scars that burned with vengeance upon Garfield. Then he snatched Garfield's jetpack and his Desert Eagles from him!

"Taste the shame of premature ejeculation sucker!" Taunted Shadow Garfield one final time as he waved good-bye and kicked Garfield into opening time-portal.

"THIS IS NOT THE END!" Swore Garfield as the time-portal sucked him up and spat him into new unplanned timeline. There was only the sound of squawking seagulls and the fury cauldron of high intensity naval battle at first but soon after blinding light Garfield saw bright blue waters of Caribbean right before his eyes before he hit the water.

Swimming his way to surface, Garfield like out great bellow of breath like the singing of deep blue whale as he regained his senses. Then he felt the three scars healing on his chest and growled before swimming to shore where before him was pirate haven of Nassau.

Garfield embarked onto the beach shore, making loud thudding manly steps with his macho walk. He sniffed with superior man senses, instantly locating scent of watering hole for refreshments.

"My thirst hums for rum." Garfield commented as he approached the noisy pirate tavern. The pirate tavern was alive with the sound of barfighting and other pirate activities but all instantly ceased as Garfield stepped in, awing the entire room of pirates with impression of his bold presence.

"I want your finest seafaring lasagna rum brewed with greater care than treasure." Said Garfield as he grabbed the pirate bartender by the necktie.

"A-as you wish, sir, in a better world!" Said the pirate bartender with cooperation. "B-but there is pressing dilemma that delays request!"

"WHA?" Said Garfield with thirst-yearning anger. "What do you mean?"

"In effort to break our pirate freewill the British have arrived with intents of sobering us up!" Said the pirate bartender as he opened cask to reveal that all the rum had been replaced with WATER.

"SACRILEGE!" Roared Garfield with disgust and rage as he pounded his mighty fist down upon the bar vaporizing all the filthy water with shockwaves. "No one delays my drink and lives. Britannia, hear my roar. Your empire crumbles now!"

"We would be willing to lend our assistance!" Said two pirate babes Anne Boney and Mary Read as they walked up to Garfield with allure and erotica.

"Ah it is good to see some familiar faces in this strange land." Said Garfield with story continuity.

"Garfield are you ready to plunder us asunder once more?" Asked Anne Boney as they began to loosen up their tight shirts revealing smooth curves.

"Babe I must take care of business first and then I can attend to my treasure hunt." Said Garfield as he considered options. "Where is help that I can get?"

"Garfield it is terrible!" Informed Mary Read with sadness. "The fighting spirit of all has been broken by the betrayal of Captain Edward Kenway! One month ago he was leading us all in rebellion with his friends against British invasion but then he was visited by mysterious Shadow Master who convinced him to kill all his friends and join the army of evil!"

"I needed help not anyways I have the fighting strength of world army." Said Garfield as battle talent radiated from his muscles as the giggling pirate babes felt him all over. "Now tell me more about this Captain Edward Kenway."

"We have sent many pirate vessels after his ship the Jackdaw with intents of justice but with his newfound jetpack he has defeated them all!" Said Anne Boney with sad regrets as she groped Garfields chest ab with her right hand.

"His jetpack? It is my jetpack and he is but mere freeloader and thief! I must get my stuff back!" Said Garfield as he deduced the evil act of Shadow Garfield after previous theft. "WHERE CAN I FIND THIS CAPTAIN EDWARD KENWAY?"

"By now he must be oceans away! There is only one ship the Experto Crede fast enough to catch up to his evil fleet and it is in possession of the British and locked down in their fortress." Said Mary Read with know-how and frustration.

"Then it is time to play Grand Theft Naval." Said Garfield as he charged up with fighting spirit.

"Garfield we know secret entrance into base from underground. Will you not tread sensibly and stealthily?" Asked Anne Boney with concern for wellbeing.

"STEALTH IS FOR LIARS AND COWARDS. A real man wears his intents honest loud and proud on his battle-scarred armor." Said Garfield as he geared up for heavy battle with pirate tools and walked with intent to the British base as he put on his sunglasses.

Two British soldiers were standing guard with dignities at the gate of fort but when they saw Garfield their composure broke and they began to quiver with baby fright.

"Halt sir! This base is off limits to civilians! Please come back when you have the official paperwork for entry!" Said one of the soldiers with protocol.

"I'll be back." Said Garfield with ulterior motives.

"Phew!" Said one of the soldiers as he took out calming tea cup and crumpets and began to sip. "I think we dodged bullet there!"

But then the British soldier dignifiedly spit out his tea as he heard the grinding sound of wheels and saw large cannon being tugged by Garfield on horizon.

"Curse me and my big mouth!" Said the British soldier with regrets as Garfield loaded cannonball into cannon and lit fuse.

"KNOCK KNOCK!" Said Garfield with gunpowder dynamics as the cannon fired into the gate of the fort causing large explosion.

As the British soldier recovered from shock of explosion ringing in ears, he looked up and saw none other than Garfield standing above him, ready to deliver justice.

"Here's your paperwork!" Quipped Garfield with awesome style as he grabbed hammer and nail and proceeded to hammer paperwork to head of British soldier.

"Who dares explode their cannons at our doorstep?" Asked Woody Rogers the British fort commander as he stepped out sipping the rum he stole from pirates.

"Give me all your ships and rums and I'll let your fool empire slumber in peace for one more day!" Offered Garfield with ultimatum.

"Wrong!" Laughed Woody Rogers as he was joined by Torres the Templar Leader and Adewale the Freedom Crier. "This is rum belongs to the great empire of Britain now and you are never getting it back! Mwa ha hah ah ha!"

"Then prepare to die!" Said Garfield as British soldiers ran out from houses and surrounded Garfield with bayonets.

"This is the end of the line feline!" Said leader of the British soldiers with taunts.

The British soldiers then lined up for firing of bayonets but with quick reflexes Garfield jumped and grabbed one British soldier as human shield. The bullets obliterated the British soldier and with warriors roar Garfield tossed the soldier at the firing line crushing all of them with maximum impact. Garfield then did side flying karate kick to leader and cracked his neck like pencil tip.

"Come on are you sons or are you daughters!" Taunted Garfield as he gunned down more pathetic British soldiers with his flintlock pistols. "You are even more easier to shooting than fish in barrel!"

"Garfield you are a true man worthy of respect but I am afraid I must obey my duties or they will kill my family!" Said the valiant impressed Scottish soldier as he bravely drew out his sword.

"I understand. I will ensure that we settle this like men with honor!" Said Garfield with warriors heart as he took out his cutlass and engaged the Scottish soldier in one-on-one duel.

After honor promises Garfield and the Scottish soldier exchanged whirling cyclone of sword strikes and blocks. But all was ended as Garfield ran the Scottish soldier through with his cutlass!

"Do not cry for you have demonstrated your highland worthiness in sea of English cowards. Your ancestors smile upon you with pride!" Said Garfield with words of comfort to the dying Scottish soldier as he held him in his arms with respect.

"Garfield thank you for allowing me to die like a man. Tell my family I love them!" Said the Scottish soldier as he passed away.

"I will be sure to pass along your correspondences. May you one day see them again!" Said Garfield as he took out letter and folded it into paper airplane before tossing it towards Scotland. Then burning with rage at the waste of human life, Garfield turned with vengeance in his eyes towards Woody Rogers and his cohorts.

"WOODY ROGERS! I came only for a drink and a ship… but now… I COME FOR JUSTICE!" Said Garfield as he charged up power and exploded from him like supernova. Garfields hair burned bright with glowing fiery manly justice as he stormed towards Woody Rogers.

"Oh no my callous life of slavery and colonization has led me to doom!" Realized Woody Rogers as he saw Garfield wading through sea of dead soldiers to him.

"British dogs, heres some bangers…" Said Garfield as he took his final flintlock and with loud banging shot blew up Torres' head.

"…AND MASH!" Yelled Garfield with deliverance of justice as he grabbed Woody Rogers by the head and mashed it into a bloody scrap.

"You will not get to my ship!" Screamed Adewale with hatred. "The Shadow Master has promised me the end of slavery if I kill you!"

"Stop Adewale do not pull that trigger! Siding with Hatred and evil will only beget more hatred and evil! The only way to free your people is with LOVE!" Garfield said with wise advice as Adewale pointed blunderbuss at him.

"There has been time enough for love! HATE IS THE ONLY WAY NOW!" Said Adewale with rejections as he pulled the trigger only to blast hole in himself killing him instantly.

"I warned you not to pull that trigger for you were holding blunderbuss backwards." Shook Garfield head sadly as he kicked aside the corpse of Adewale with disdain. "But you were too blinded by false promises of evil to listen."

With the captains of the fortress dead, Garfield approached the huddling survivors of battle to make grand speech.

"Hear me Kingdom of Britain. This is just a taste of REVOLUTION that is to come!" Speeched Garfield as he ripped down the Union Jack and used it to light his cigarette before replacing it with the pirate flag as fireworks accompanied by heavy rocking music filled the airwaves as the pirates rushed in to rip apart British soldiers in the name of justice.

"Garfield we never should've doubted your fort assaulting prowess!" Applauded the pirate babes as they strolled up to Garfield with compliments over the screams of the dying soldiers.

"Was there ever any doubt?" Winked Garfield as he puffed on his cigarette while the pirate babes stripped and began to do a sexy tango for him.

"Come ladies let me show you my quarters." Said Garfield with another wink as he took both of them in his arms and strolled onto the Experto Crede. "After all tonight we have large distance to sail and we must make sure all our stats are properly charged."

"Yes that sounds like the idea of refined class!" Agreed Anne Boney and Mary Read with lust looming in their corneas.

With that done Garfield took Anne Boney and Mary Read to the captains quarters to drink rum and when the nether hours of dusk arrived Garfield proceeded to pleasure and sink their fleets with the massive romances of seven endless seas in a majestic loving game of battleship.

To be continued…


	5. Chapter 5

Garfield's Creed III episode 5 – Black Flag

It was stark sunny day on Caribbean sea when Captain Edward Kenway was leading great pirate ship fleet in search of treasure.

"Land ho!" Announced Captain Edward Kenway with seamanship as he sailed towards jungle island.

"Surely there is bound to be treasure there." Said BlackBeard the First Mate as he smoked pipe.

"Heh heh but not treasure in chest! They are enthusiasts of new treasure looking for purchases from us!" Corrected Captain Edward Kenway with malevolent grin.

"Menster Kenway, what do you mean?" Asked BlackBeard the First Mate with confusion.

Captain Edward Kenway sneered with high laughter like giggling hyena. "There is no more buried treasure for I have already found it all! But no despair is necessary for the Shadow Master has shown me that there is treasure to be findinged in new industry: filmmaking!"

BlackBeard the First Mate then took over wheel control as Captain Edward Kenway walked down deck to room where not-yet-ripe Jenny was tied up and bound. Smiling like eager wolf Captain Edward Kenway removed her gag with devious intents.

"Hello my dear daughter." Said Captain Edward Kenway as he leered into her eyes like oncoming bullet train of impact. "It is time again."

"Noooo father please do not do this to me again I no longer wish to commit these acts!" Begged Jenny with pleading.

"Ha ha ha you are but mere female child in AGE OF MEN." Laughed Captain Edward Kenway with abuse. "And that means you have no say in any matter of what I desire for you!"

Captain Edward Kenway then took out video camera and was about to begin criminal intentions when suddenly he heard buzzing like fallen beehive and hologram image of Shadow Garfield appeared.

"Shadow Master!" Said Captain Edward Kenway as he bowed. "What is it? I was about to work!"

"Then consider it your day off!" Ordered Shadow Garfield with booming voice.

"But this is work I enjoy doing! I think it really helps me get to know my daughter better!" Insisted Captain Edward Kenway with whiny screeching.

"Fool while you intend to set the lady parts to laughing there is danger man who sails at this very moment with intents of destroying you and your fleet!" Warned Shadow Garfield with impatience.

"IMPOSSIBLE!" Said Captain Edward Kenway. "I am the Dread Pirate Kenways! No man sailing under any flag dares to tangle with my fleet!"

"This is no man from your time. He is a man of the future…THE ULTIMATE SUPERIOR MAN – THE CAPTAIN GARFIELD!" Shouted Shadow Garfield with hatred in his voice. "I have tangled with him many times before from the day of first drop of blood spilled to the far off future… and every time he has stolen all the women and glory from me! I have sent preemptive force to stop but I fear he will be too man for them! He thinks himself unstoppable But no longer! Captain Edward Kenway, send him to the locker and I shall make you a king!"

"Ah to be a king would mean plenty of money in my pants! You're going to be a princess soon, Jenny!" Mocked Captain Edward Kenway as he kissed his crying daughter on the cheek and walked back up to deck, licking his lips.

"Change course, men! We set sail in search of BLOOD." Ordered Captain Edward Kenway as he put on Garfield's stolen stuff as his pirate underlings began to belt out sickening sea shanty.

Meanwhile in other part of open seas Garfield was steering his ship while his crew sung hardrocking heartwarming bloodpumping renditions of HEAVY METAL classics.

"Ah there is no better feeling of man than to be freesailing but what is this!" Noticed Garfield as his fur stood up detecting the evil of SHADOW GARFIELD.

"Brace yourself for great action!" Said Anne Boney to the crew and instantly they began to reassemble in preparation for naval battle.

"What is that?" Asked Mary Read as she looked through spyglass at city of Havana incoming.

"It has fallen to the flag of evil!" Said Garfield with coldness as he spied the flying flag of Captain Edward Kenway on the buildings.

"How far Captain Edward Kenway has fallen!" Said Anne Boney as she shook her head remembering past. "To think I once would've parted a glass for him!"

"The past is the past. There is no use in dwelling in it but rather there is use in changing present to save the future." Said Garfield with wise advice.

"Wow Garfield that is very wise!" Said Mary Read with profound realization.

"Indeed Garfield you have helped me realizing that there is no use in remembering what man he used to be. Now only goalie we have is to cut him off like tumor he is!" Said Anne Boney with plastic surgery.

Within more seconds Garfield and co. had sailed within vicinity of Havana.

"Garfield stand down!" Said Havana with evil orders. "You have yet chance to realize the right side of fight!"

"I DO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH EVIL!" Said Garfield with principles.

"Ha ha Garfield evil comes in many forms and one day it shall end you… SO DIE!" Said Havana as it unleashed hailfire of cannonballs at the Experto Crede.

"Play this to keep the spirits of the men high!" Said Garfield as he handed Mary Read boombox. Mary Read pushed the button and instantly it began to blare out DIOS Holy Diver album. With orders the sails expanded to MAXIMUM SAIL and the crew raised the American flag to great fireworks.

"What will we do?" Asked Anne Boney as she kept morale of crew high as Garfield skillfully dodged all cannonballs.

"There is no way to end evil but rip out its heart directly." Said Garfield with battle plan. "FULL FORCE AHEAD!"

With battle roar and DIO reaching climax, Garfield sailed the Experto Crede with full force towards Havana and as he did he pushed button causing high power spear drill to burst out from front of ship.

"SCREW YOU HAVANA, SCREW YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOU!" Shouted Garfield as he impacted Havana causing great damage with drill.

In few short minutes Garfield had drilled through all of Havana like carving knife in Christmas lasagna and broke through island of Cuba sinking all of it into the sea, ending the evil for good.

"Not so hard to invade now, is it, Jack?" Joked Garfield with a quick wink as the last of Havana made bubble as it sunk to depths for good.

"You may have bested Havana but you will be no match for me!" Shouted Captain Edward Kenway as he arrived on the scene with his fleet numbering in the thousands.

Garfield and Captain Edward Kenway then eyed each other and began to intensely stare off as Leone music played before setting sail with massive cannonball launch to begin FINAL BATTLE FOR FATE OF THE SEAS.

Surrounded by enemy ships Garfield deftly sailed with true captainship as the Experto Crede and Jackdaw exchanged cannon fire while music befit for grand pirate ship battle played.

Garfield and his crew sunk many ships in Captain Edward Kenways ship and victory seemed imminent when suddenly new attackers arrived!

"BRAAACE!" Shouted Garfield with protection as the Experto Crede was hit with chain shots destroying its sails!

"No we are downed!" Said Anne Boney with worry.

"Who could've provided such an assist to evil man like Captain Edward Kenway?" Asked Mary Read with shock.

"None other than us the film enthusiasts!" Said the fat Film Enthusiast Leader wearing Nintendo 64 t-shirt stained with turkey fat as he sailed forth in his giant man of war. "And we will not let you deprive us of our Number One Salesman!"

"Ha ha Garfield you are no more than frail landlubber now! Prepare to die!" Taunted Captain Edward Kenway as his crew loaded finishing cannon barrage.

All hope seemed lost when Garfield suddenly heard a familiar voice.

"AMAKOOOOOOO."

It was Jon Arbuckle sailing in airship The Flying American piloted by the spirits of his ancestors and the worthy felled foes of Garfield emerging from opening time portal in the skies playing heavy rockin Blue Oyster Cult. Jon Arbuckle with command then caused giant gatling guns to come out from the sides of The Flying American and opened fire annihilating the Film Enthusiasts and all of Captain Edward Kenways fleet evening the fight!

"Here Garfield catch this will balance the playing field!" Said Jon Arbuckle as he tossed Garfield the ship upgrade DLC.

"Thank you Jon Arbuckle I knew I could count on you forever and ever!" Said Garfield as he installed the DLC upgrading the Experto Crede into the Lasagna Crede the great flying airship.

"NOOOOOOO MY ENTIRE FLEET OF TREASURE!" Screamed Captain Edward Kenway with grief. "But you have not planned for the power of HAX!"

Captain Edward Kenway then took out his hacked mod pack and used it, turning the Jackdaw into an airship as well! The battling greatly intensified as giant water typhoon and the airships took to air battling inside of it!

In raging heart of typhoon the Lasagna Crede and the Flying American surrounded the Jackdaw on both sides and battered it with ultimate fire weakening it to critical point.

"Now…" Garfield said with anticipation. "TIME FOR A BOARDING PARTY!"

Sending out great hooks the Lasagna Crede and Flying American latched to the Jackdaw and with battle cry Garfield and Jon Arbuckle led their crews into swinging on!

"Blast you Garfield!" Said Captain Edward Kenway as he activated the jetpack. "But you are no match for my jetpack!"

"You mean my jetpack you cur!" Said Garfield as he raged.

"Not anymore! It is mine and I am never giving it back!" Laughed Captain Edward Kenway as he took flight.

"Here Garfield have the wings of Hermes!" Said Jon Arbuckle as he tossed them to Garfield.

"Thank you Jon Arbuckle once more. Now it is time to pluck off that chicken's wings." Said Garfield as he took flight.

Garfield and Captain Edward Kenway then dueled in freeflying swordfight as battle raged around them.

"Return my stuff to me and you may be spared with hopes of redemption!" Said Garfield with grit.

"Ha ha what is there to redeem? The Shadow Master has shown me that path of evil intimacy is the righteous path!" Said Captain Edward Kenway as he rushed at Garfield with stabbing strike.

"Then there is no eyesight for the blind!" Said Garfield as he slashed cutting apart Captain Edward Kenway's eyes which burst like balloons.

Crying like a bitch Captain Edward Kenway returned falling to the deck of Jackdaw destroying fighting spirit of his crew instantly.

"Is it finally over?" Asked Jenny as she crawled out onto deck with apprehension.

"Who are you?" Asked Garfield with curiosity.

"I am his daughter Jenny!" Said Jenny with PTSD. "But he has treated me as none other than his twisted plaything of desire!"

"SCUMBAG!" Shouted Garfield as he stormed up to the writhing blinded Captain Edward Kenway. "The only thing I hate more than racist terrorists are CHILD ABUSING TERRORISTS!"

"You think you can defeat us, Garfield?" Choked Captain Edward Kenway with dying moan. "As long as there are widowed men with attractive daughters who remind them of their lost love wives, there shall be aaaaargh!"

Garfield shut Captain Edward Kenway up by grabbing a large machete and drove it into Captain Edward Kenway's stomach, twisting slowly.

"Please show me mercy Garfield I promise I will stop abusing my daughter for money!" Begged Captain Edward Kenway like sniveling diseased weasel.

"I have no mercy to give. The only one who can show you mercy is the one whose innocence you have tainted, whose childhood you have destroyed!" Said Garfield with righteous judgments as he handed his Desert Eagle to Jenny.

"Jenny I only did this to you because I love you!" Said Captain Edward Kenway with genuine attraction as he wet himself.

"THEN I WISH YOU DIDN'T LOVE ME!" Screamed Jenny with daddy issues as she lifted Captain Edward Kenway by his hair and then shot him through the back of his head.

"And once more the verdict is death!" Said Garfield with a smile at justice delivered as he heaved body of Captain Edward Kenway overboard where it was promptly eaten and excreted by sharks.

"What will happen now?" Asked Jenny with lost as she felt pregnant belly with tears.

"Do not worry, child." Said Garfield as he put manly reassuring hand of a real hero on her shoulder. "Your father has tainted the name of the Black Flag… but you, you have the opportunity to make it right once more."

"No! I will not stand for this!" Interjected BlackBeard the First Mate with displeasures. "Women should work in kitchens as sandwich chef not as captains!"

In response Garfield proceeded to grab BlackBeard the First Mate by the beard before ripping it off skinning him and threw him into the winds of the typhoon which carried him to far away jungle where he was promptly eaten by a jaguar.

"Any more objections?" Asked Garfield to the surviving pirates with inquisitioning.

"No Garfield we are proud to be proponents of liberated females!" Said surviving pirates as they registered for Tumblr accounts

"Farewell Garfield I will never forget what you have done this day!" Said Jenny with gratitude as she pet him all over.

"Indeed and when we meet again hopefully you shall be grown-up you rough cut ruby." Purred Garfield with a twinkle in his eye.

"To pillage ponies we go!" Ordered Jenny as she took command of the Jackdaw with the pirate babes and they sailed off into the sunset as Garfield and Jon Arbuckle waved good-bye.

"Well Garfield looks like there is nothing left to do but to take you back to the future!" Said Jon Arbuckle with mission purposes.

"Ah yes this Caribbean sidejaunt with filled with fast loving and quality drink but we cannot let the armies of the Shadow Master and Abstergo delay us any longer!" Mused Garfield with eyes on road ahead as the two Airships sailed into the time portal.

To be continued…

Authors note: I hope reading this inspired you to treat your children right


	6. Chapter 6

Garfield's Creed III episode 6 – Say You Want A Revolution

It was about noontime in the secret Assassin hideout and everyone was enjoying their lunch which was heaping slices of delicious lasagna.

Then came out from the time portal Garfield and Jon Arbuckle with souvenirs of Caribbean piracy adventure.

"Garfield! You have returned!" Rebecca jubilated with joy.

"We were very worried when you disappeared from our time trackers!" Cried Lucy with confession.

"Indeed it was a very shocking development but do not worry anymore for I have found out the true face of our enemy – the Shadow Master, none other than my doppelganger Shadow Garfield who has being controlled Abstergo behind the scenes!" Announced Garfield with revelations.

"What will we do?" Asked Desmond Miles with fright.

"I must return to the past as fast as I can to find the final fragment of the Lasagna of Eden before Abstergo does, and kill two baddies with one pasta." Garfield said as he licked his lips at the scent of the fresh lasagna in the room.

Garfield then strode over to Desmond who was enjoying a wussy Shirley Temple cocktail and about to eat his lasagna.

"Ah Desmond I must thank you for saving some lasagna for me." Said Garfield with a mighty smile.

"But Garfield this is my lasagna!" Insisted Desmond with hunger.

"Desmond a true man knows when to share his resources. Do you wish to be a man one day, boy?" Said Garfield with speech check.

"You are right Garfield!" Said Desmond with new convinction. "Here is my lasagna!"

Enjoying his fresh lasagna, Garfield then walked back to the time machine with intents of heading to Revolution times.

"Wait Garfield!" Said Jon Arbuckle with urgent message. "Let me go with you in case of trouble!"

"No Jon Arbuckle this is my path alone that I must walk upon. Continue to fight the good fight for the future while I battle in the past." Commanded Garfield with soul-stirring orders.

"You are right Garfield but just in case have take the time communicator." Said Jon Arbuckle as he handed Garfield time-powered bracelet. "If you need backup or something to be sent just press the button."

"I doubt I will need it but no good man ever got to where he was without a bit of faith placed in others." Said Garfield with manliness lessons as he accepted the bracelet and then leapt through the time portal.

Garfield then emerged from the other side greeted by the scent of tall trees and the bustling chirps of wildlife in the year 177X.

But before Garfield could enjoy nature walk like a macho manly man with shirtless stroll carrying heavy log weightlifts a giant grizzly bear attacked!

"ROAR!" Said the grizzly bear as it swung at Garfield with its powerful paws with intents of slaughter.

"Make way, bear. America is in need of its savior and you are a roadblock to liberty!" Said Garfield with patriotic intents.

"ROAR!" Said the grizzly bear again as it charged him with grizzly power.

"Then I see that I have no choice than to show you the power of the KING OF LIBERTY!" Said Garfield as he did a backflip and landed onto the grizzly bear and delivered pounding punches.

Garfield then vigorously road the Grizzly bear like bucking bronco and quickly tamed the grizzly bear into his personal steed.

"You fought like a true man and proven yourself worthy of my respect. From this day fourth you shall be known as POOKY!" Said Garfield to the grizzly bear.

"ROAR!" Said Pooky with approval. With that Garfield spurred Pooky and they rode off into the rising sun in search of fight for liberty.

Meanwhile it was cloudy day at the Homestead and in mansion Connor was torn between inner conflicts.

"Oh no Achilles I am torn between inner conflicts." Said Connor as he mused to master with inner conflicts. "Part of me wishes to fight and repel all enemies but the other part of me wishes to make peace with Father the Templar and win this revolution together."

"Connor you are fool if you do not choose the path of bloodlust." Said Achilles with twinkles of hate in his eyes as he rubbed his palms together. "You will know only destruction if you do not murder your father and stop fighting this foolish man's fight for liberty."

"Perhaps you are right." Said Connor as he pondered. "But is it right to deny a whole peoples of America the freedom they crave for the sins of a few men?"

"Indeed it is!" Insisted Achilles with sinister manipulation. "Now go to Valley Forge, USA, and assassinate George Washington to bring this pity revolution to close!"

"STOP RIGHT THERE!" Roared Commanding voice as Pooky smashed through the wall of the Homestead mansion like bear on kool-aid.

"OH NO IT IS GARFIELD!" Screamed Achilles with fearful recognition.

"Wait what is happening?" Connor asked in great confusion as he witnessed scene unfolding before him.

"Liberty is what is happening. Now Pooky unleash your great roar and shed the deceit of this coward cripple!" Ordered Garfield with truth.

With mighty bear roar Pooky blasted Achilles with supersonic waves that burned off his cunning disguise. Standing in Achilles place was none other than Kim Jung Un!

"KIM JUNG UN!" Roared Garfield with disgust as he loaded bullets into his Desert Eagles. "YOU DARE TO TREAD HERE IN THE BIRTHPLACE OF FREEDOM ITSELF WITH YOUR FILTHY COMMUNIST BRAND OF LIES?"

"Ha ha Garfield the Shadow Master has sent me back in time to masquerade as master assassin to trick young Connor into undermining the American Revolution to further conflict with Templars!" Sneered Kim Jung Un as he combed haircut with evil brush. "You can't stop me now!"

"Achilles or Kim whatever your name may have been I now know why you were so reluctant to let me embark on campaign of revolution and peace with Templars!" Said Connor with realizations. "But no more! While I may have been unable to sway your mind with words, I shall now do so with blades!"

With that Connor swung his tomahawk into the center of Kim Jung Uns forehead chopping it off with a great cleave of his brain.

"I must thank you for illuminating my mind to the trickery at play!" Said Connor as he bowed before Garfield with respect.

"With further gratitude you shall join me in my fight for freedom." Said Garfield with battlefield orders.

"Without a further doubt I am pleased to enlist in your battalion!" Said Connor as he pinned badge of Garfield to chest.

At that moment there was great knocking at the door of mansion. Frantic Lafayette burst in covered in the blood of slain redcoats, to relay news of battle.

"Lafayette!" Said Connor with recognition of messenger. "What has happened?"

"It is horrible news that I bear to you, Connor!" Said Lafayette with bursts of anguished breaths of air. "Redcoat army marches upon Valley Forge with intents of assassinating George Washington and the Founding Fathers!"

"If they fall so will America!" Realized Garfield as he saw dire future possibly unfolding in front of him.

"Why have you come to me then?" Asked Connor with confusion. "I have sworn to deliver Washington no more victories for what he did to my mother!"

"Connor we of the Revolution have fallen upon desperate times. Washington, the honorable man that he is, had intents of honoring your request of solitude." Informed Lafayette with desperation. "But Benedict Arnold, man we had intended to be our reinforcement, has becoming traitor to great USA!"

"What?" Said Connor with shock at the news of betrayal.

"It is true! He has compromised the Revolution in exchange for a few pounds!" Lafayette said with disgust at traitor greed.

"Then I see that the time for petty grudges has ended. Like true man, I must set aside personal ills in the name of the greater good." Said Connor as he pulled up his Assassin hood with intents of taking care of business.

"Traitors are only good for one thing. Punching bags to warm up my fists." Said Garfield with anger. "Come men let us ride to Valley Forge! The Patriotic fighting men of America needs our strength!"

With that Garfield hopped onto Pooky while Connor and Lafayette got onto horses and they rode off with absolute urgency towards Valley Forge.

On the way there they saw Paul Revere riding in a redcoat uniform, holding messages of critical information with intents of deliverance to the enemy army!

"What is this?" Cried out Lafayette with surprise at further betrayals.

"Paul Revere what do you think you are doing?" Shouted Connor in attempt to sway back mind as Paul Revere evilly laughed.

"Foolish half-breed boy I have seen that fight for freedom is the fight of fools! I have made seasonal trade to winning team!" Laughed Paul Revere with wickedness.

"I have no stomach for traitors." Growled Garfield with furiousity.

"Ooh ooh, did I give you a tummy ache pussy-boy?" Taunted Paul Revere as he accelerated his horse to superspeed. "The British are coming and there is nothing you can do to stop them!"

"To think that we once partook in tea parties together!" Said Connor with sadness as he pulled out his bow and with marksman talents he fired hitting Paul Revere in back with arrow causing him to tumble off his horse.

"Agahaah!" Cried Paul Revere as he tried to pull the arrow out while whimpering like beaten puppy dog.

"ENJOY YOUR MIDNIGHT RIDE TO HELL!" Said Garfield as he lifted his mighty patriotic boot and snapped Paul Reveres neck with a stomp.

"Wow Garfield you have just saved the Revolution from this man's deceit!" Complimented Lafayette with awe. "But the battle has yet to be won!"

"I fear that we will not be too late!" Connor worried as they resumed ride to Valley Forge.

"Do not fear. Fear is for cowards and weaklings. Men hope!" Garfield dispensed more wise advice as they did.

"You are right!" Said Connor and Lafayette and instantly their fears were washed away by hope and fighting spirit burning bright.

Meanwhile at Valley Forge the Founding Fathers were formulating battle plan of defensive strategy.

"It is hopeless!" Groveled John Adams with defeat. "They have us completely surrounded and can storm camp at any minute."

"Is that the sound of desire for cowardly surrender that I hear in your voice? You are knowing that the British will have no mercy upon our souls if we do." Asked Thomas Jefferson with suspicions.

"Perhaps if we asked them very nicely they will only take our families from us and not our lives." Contemplated John Adams as he looked over map of battle plans.

"If the British dare take my daughter from me I will look for them I will find them and I will kill them." Said Thomas Jefferson with punishment in his voice as he clenched his fists.

"Now now Cousin John you know that there is no turning back from our revolution now. We've changed things forever." Samuel Adams said as he calmly poured everyone drinks from his distillery.

"Indeed if we are to hang let us go down fighting and hang together like the friends we are!" Benjamin Franklin said wisely with friendship as he worked on special invention gaining claps of approval.

"Now where is that chump commander Washington?" Whined John Adams as he pouted like baby. "We cannot fight war if there is no general to lead army!"

"Heh heh." Weaseled Charles Lee as he twirled his mustache. "Perhaps it is time to try my leadership for is change?"

George Washington then entered the big planning room with fresh valley snow on his shoulders and astute thinkings in his face.

"Ah the great Commander in Chief finally comes." Taunted Charles Lee with pitiful jealousy. "Where have you been in this dire time of nearing end?"

"I have been visiting every soldier who stands his brave ground in person and giving them fresh chocolate chip cookies made by Martha to reassure the men that there is grand cause worth fighting for. After all, there is no war to win if the men are not motivated with good spirits to keep fighting." Said George Washington with good leadership.

"There is nothing to motivate the men if you keep losing battles and getting them killed!" Insisted John Adams with great pessimistics. "Also why have you been giving the cannon fodder cookies and not us?"

"Yes, we may lose battles. Good men may fall every hour, and even we may not live to see the next sunrise. But what we fight for is a good cause, gentlemen. Freedom has no price that is too high, and if we are to suffer a few bruises or cuts, or perhaps pay for it with our lives, so be it!" Roared George Washington with rousing speech gaining applause. "And on the topic of culinary delights, I have made sure to save cookies for all of us as well. John, you and Charles Lee get the raisin for your apparent insubordination!"

"Aw pooey!" Seethed John Adams and Charles Lee with rage.

"We shall be seeing many whites in the hours to come!" Said Israel Putnam as he lit his cigar looking forwarding to the fightings to coming as he pumped fist high in air.

John Handcock then snuck in with smuggler stealth skills. "Listen ups all I have come bringing good news!"

"What do you mean by good news?" Said John Adams with continued pessmistings.

"I have found the answer to our siege dilemma!" John Handcock said proudly as instrolled Garfield followed by Connor and Lafayette.

"THE LEGENDARY GARFIELD?!" Shouted all of the Founding Fathers in unison.

"That is right. I have come to invert the British Invasion with the theorem of FIST." Said Garfield with advanced mathematics.

Garfield then walked around the room exchanging high fives and greetings with all the legendary Founding Fathers of America while Connor and Lafayette looked over the battle plans.

"Hmm…" Pondered Garfield as he reached John Adams and Charles Lee and ultimately abstained his mighty hand of prestige. "You two reek of founding failures!"

"AAAAAAAAAGHGHAGO!" Screamed John Adams as vein in neck burst and finally snapped like exploding Hoover Dam. Then he ripped out a Peacemaker pistol and fired at George Washington.

"John Adams I thought I could trust you!" Said George Washington as he did cartwheel to dodge the bullet.

"THEY WILL NEVER LOVE ME AS MUCH AS THEY LOVE YOU!" Cried John Adams with paltry envy. "I AM STARTING A NEW REVOLUTION RIGHT HERE!"

John Adams fired another bullet but before it could strike George Washington with death Connor leapt in the way and took the bullet!

"Connor after I did to you and your people you would still sacrifice your life for mine?" Wondered George Washington with admiration.

"The Revolution will fall if you and Garfield do not rally the Patriot cause!" Said Connor as he pulled the bullet out of the bulletproof vest of HOPE Garfield had given him. "We must put our grudges and past sins aside if we are to bust the British!"

Connor and George Washington then did a buddy high five, restoring good standing and radiating proud American values.

"Speculate all you want I will still slice you all and crown myself KING OF AMERICA!" Screamed John Adams with bulging eyes as he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a pointed letter envelope with intents of murder!

John Adams then threw letters and pens at the Founding Fathers but Garfield leapt in and slapped them out of way harmlessly. Garfield then leapt at John Adams and subdued him with jujitsu hold!

"Peace out asshole." Garfield quipped as he took John Adams Peacemaker and smashed in his jaw with it, before using judo toss technique to fling John Adams far away where he exploded upon hitting the ground ending his evil of jealousy for good.

"Impressive display of close quarters combat, Garfield!" Complimented Israel Putnam as he handed Garfield cigar with gratitude.

"Here Garfield we have saved spot on the declaration for day just like this!" Said Thomas Jefferson as he held out the Declaration of Independence for Garfield to autograph.

"Yes I am for certain that he definitely is being the one that shall lead us to light!" Benjamin Franklin confirmed as he finished the touches to his battle invention of tide turning and gave Garfield two thumbs up. It was suit of battle armor colored like the American flag.

"Thank you Benjamin Franklin I will be sure not to forget you all for your help!" Said Garfield with manly admiration to the Founding Fathers as he geared up for battle of redcoat smashing.

"Will you not be needing our assistance in battlefield?" Asked Lafayette as he looked up from battle plans. "The British outnumber us in great quantities!"

"Great quantities of redcoast are nothing more than dissolving sugar cube of blood in tea of war when faced with A REAL AMERICAN hero such as myself. Let them quiver in fear when they see the fighting man wrath of ONE AMERICAN against thousands!" Garfield said with rousing speech that led to great applause from all except for Charles Lee.

"Garfield before you go take this lasagna beer! It is special secret family recipe brew!" Beamed Samuel Adams with pride as he handed Garfield warm mug of red white and blue beer.

"Ah yes it is wise to thirst quenching before bloodthirsty fighting." Said Garfield as he chugged down the lasagna beer with one gulp, boosting all his stats to hyper power.

Garfield then boarded Pooky and rode off with great galloping jump over Valley Forge walls towards enemy lines to great applause heard around the world from American soldiers of fighting.

"Oh dear what is that?" Asked Benedict Arnold to his second-in-command as he looked through spyglass at approaching Garfield.

"The foolish Patriot Yankee doodoos are sending still men to fight us after all the bleatings we have delivered upon to them!" Exclaimed the second-in-command with bewilderment.

"Hah hah this shall be their ultimate downfall!" Benedict Arnold sneered with misplaced assumptions as he gave order to fire at Garfield.

At the observation deck of Valley Forge Connor and George Washington observed with powerful hope placed in Garfield.

"Do you believe that we can do it?" Asked George Washington as he felt the weight of war upon him. "All those men who died underneath my command will have been for nothing if we do not." George Washington added as single manly tear rolled from left eye in remembrance of fallen friends.

"Since the war began I have seen them fight and die in the name of liberty. But for whom and why, I did not know back then. But now I do." Connor wisely observed of Garfield as he reached enemy lines.

"Impossible!" Screaming Benedict Arnold with frustration as the initial fire volley was magnetically repelled by Garfield's charisma field.

"Oh no he has reached the front lines!" Screamed the second-in-command as Garfield dismounted from Pooky with stylish leaping slomo air assassination and slayed the entire first line with his fists.

"He will still bend before the might of Britannia!" Yelled Benedict Arnold as he ripped out his sword. "FOR COLONIALISM AND TAXES!"

Garfield and Pooky stood back to back, surrounded by incoming British soldiers. With cool style Garfield pulled out his Walkman and slid in his Iron Maiden Piece of Mind cassette. "Let them have a taste of their own medicine!" Garfield quipped as he and Pooky began delivering kung fu beatdown to the redcoats.

"Pooky cover me while I get myself some fresh Eggs Benedict for snacking." Said Garfield as he grabbed redcoat's musket and ran him through.

"ROAR!" Said Pooky with obedience as he activated his super form and grew to giant size, adorned with Patriotic American Uncle Sam hat. Breathing red white and blue fire from his mouth Pooky toasted hundreds of redcoats.

Garfield ran through the battlefield annihilating all the Redcoats in his way like Panzer tank with his fists and Desert Eagles. No British soldier that day laid eyes upon Garfield and lived to tell the tale. British chariots of war rushed at Garfield on the left side of the road but with ease Garfield grabbed them and threw them far away to great demise.

"Right is right! For this violation of traffic I am issuing you all admissions to drivers school in hell!" Said Garfield as he smashed in the final chariot driver's head with hammerfist.

"Fire at will!" Shrieked Benedict Arnold with irrational determination.

"There is no fire in this world greater than that of liberty!" Retorted Garfield as he spiked the cannonball sent at him like a volleyball into the arsenal line annihilating it with much explodings. Garfield then grabbed a cannon and used it to rain destruction upon the redcoat army.

"I will protect you Benedict!" Roared the second-in-command as he ran at Garfield with thoughtless loyalty.

"I prefer my redcoats shaken not stirred." Garfield quipped as he grabbed the second-in-command and shook him wildly until all his brains had fallen out with vertigo.

Garfield and Benedict Arnold then eyed each other with much hate.

"It is time for some West Point Payback!" Garfield announced with justice as he readied his reflexes.

"You fool if you had been in my shoes you would have done the same!" Scoffed Benedict Arnold with flimsy rationalizations. "Do you know the feeling of being hero but not having al of the reconizations you deserving? You too would've gone to the side of better pay!"

"A real hero knows that the act of doing a good deed is plenty rewarding enough!" Garfield shot him down with fact. "You are little more than a self-serving rat!"

"Death is not what I deserve! HISTORY SHALL VINDICATE MY MEMORY!" Screamed Benedict Arnold with high-pitched tears bubbling from his eyes.

"What you deserve is blood money and so you shall receive!" Garfield quipped as he loaded his Desert Eagles with dollar bills and proceeded to shoot Benedict Arnold multiple times in the chest.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Cried Benedict Arnold as he clutched his chest filled with bloodstained bills and stumbled backwards off cliff onto sharp rocks.

Garfield then smoked the cigar Israel Putnam gave him and let out smokey patriotic breath as he observed the surviving redcoats running to the hills in pantswetting fear. With a glare he caused them all to experience heart failure and keel over.

"Congratulations Garfield you have saved the American army!" Congratulated George Washington Thomas Jefferson Connor and Benjamin Franklin as they walked up to Garfield.

"Yes but the war continues." Garfield said as he finished smoking his cigar. "It is still redcoat season, and I am eager to resume hunting."

"We are sure that whatever course of battle you choose next it shall be one of victory!" Thomas Jefferson reassured Garfield. "And when you are done I have a beautiful daughter and slave women both ripe as peach who both desire to meet you for rewardings of your leadership." Thomas Jefferson then said with sly wink.

"Slave women? No, all women in the land of love are equal in beauty and passion!" Garfield corrected Thomas Jefferson as they exchanged high laughter.

"You are right Garfield! Otherwise we are only mere hypocrites if we fight for freedom while withholding it from others!" Said Thomas Jefferson as he and all the other Founding Fathers ended their slavery and became REAL AMERICANS.

"That shall have to wait!" Samuel Adams urgently said as he rode up to them on horse.

"What has happened?" Asked Benjamin Franklin with curiosity.

"Charles Lee has fled and stolen the Cheese of Eden!" Informed Samuel Adams with anger in his teeth. "We should've seen that oily rat ancipating such a move!"

"LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"Connor raged with incense to the high heavens.

"Where could Lee have gone?" Asked George Washington with annoyance at another Patriot betrayal. "It is imperative we do not let the Cheese of Eden fall into British hands!"

"There is only one place that Lee will flee… behind the skirt of my father the Templar." Connor said as his head was downcast. "And to get to him from there is no easy feat for he has blinded my father with his evil! But if there is any man who is man enough to sway Haytham Kenway, it is no doubtedly you Garfield!"

Garfield nodded his head. "Come brave Americans let us go back to base and make new plans to account for this development. The show must go on."

With that said Garfield Connor and the Founding Fathers rode back to Valley Forge to continue the fight for freedom with the hope of liberty burning in their hearts.

To be continued…

Authors note: When doing action of romantics be sure to get permission from loving ladies first! This is what separates real men like Garfield from the rats


	7. Chapter 7

Garfield's Creed III episode 7 – Chasing Lee

Garfield was at Valley Forge having philosophical debate about liberty with Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin and teaching them manly enlightening lessons about manliness while they drank hot chocolate and laughed merrily.

"Garfield you truly are a well-versed thinking man!" Complimented Thomas Jefferson as he savored taste of hot chocolate and thought of fine Monticello home.

"I have no traipsed upon such a renaissance man before in my journeys." Admitted Benjamin Franklin of Garfields intellectual superiority.

"Intellect is not the only field of manhood in which I am well-versed for I am the thinker lover and fighter man." Said Garfield with a wink leading to chuckles from Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin as they realized brilliance subtle meaning of Garfields saying.

"Garfield the hour has arrived!" Said George Washington as he walked in with Connor. "Have you made further progress in tracking down the traitor Charles Lee?"

Garfield walked to the big war table where map of the USA was laid out. Then with thundering fist Garfield slammed it into spot of New York City splitting the table into a million splinters.

"CHARLES LEE IS HERE!" Said Garfield with answers.

"Wow Garfield how did you know he would be there?" Asked Connor with amazement at Garfield's tracking talents.

"Simple logic, my friend. Stick with me all of you and you may learn how to be super man like me just yet." Said Garfield with intelligent sleuthing.

"But Garfield New York the City of New York is under British control!" Informed Samuel Adams of war situation.

"Not for long! The harvest of war is coming and I have come to collect redcoat crops." Garfield said as he loaded Desert Eagles with ammunition ready for planting the seeds of death.

"Hear Hear!" Said Israel Putnam as he started roar of applause for brilliant battle stratego of Garfield.

With snap of finger brave Patriot women came in wheeling on wagons warm bloodpumping lasagna of war.

"Eat heartily Founding Fathers for soon we shall wash down this meal with BRITISH BLOOD." Announced Garfield as he proceeded to vigorously gulp down all the lasagna with great chomps of orgasmic ravishment and soon all joined in great party that lasted until the dawn of dawn the next day.

The next morning Garfield and Connor rode out with Founding Fathers and American Army to set out to begin preemptive strike into heart of redcoat operations in New York City.

"What appears to be troubling your mind? Are you man or are you little boy?" Questioned Garfield of Connor.

"I worry for that we might being set for inevitable clash to the death with my father." Said Connor with respectful response to Garfield. "At heart he is good man deluded by the lies of Charles Lee manipulations."

"If he dies he dies in the name of freedom!" Said Garfield with straightforward truth.

"Garfield you are correct!" Realized Connor hearing Garfield's insight. "But it shall make his passing no less difficult!"

"REAL MEN DON'T HESISTATE OR REGRET, THEY KEEP FIGHTING." Garfield said with raging fire in heart. "But to calm your nerves boy I will be sure not to draw first blood… but I shall draw last!"

"Garfield you truly are the greatest man and war leader I have ever met!" Beamed Connor with gratitude admirings.

Garfield and company traveled for many days past sunsets and sunrises of much. Wherever they set step they brought freedom and left behind in their trail wake the rotting corpses of redcoat dogs.

"It is magnificent life that I have lived and will continue to live." Garfield said of himself as he enjoyed lasagna cheeseburger as the FREEDOM ARMY set camp at Niagara Falls, breathing in the great freedom in the fresh pine air mixed with the crispness of churning liberty water.

"We are nearing New York City." Said Thomas Jefferson with his architectural know-how. "Soon all will come to big bang."

"I once let the people of New York down and let them fall prey to the Redcoat Carrion." Said George Washington as his voice boiled with redemption. "But for not a second more! Together Garfield we shall make up to them for my past failure!"

"Remember gentlemen show no mercy!" Said Benjamin Franklin as he inspected the weaponry. "A redcoat slain is a bluecoat saved!"

"Where is Connor?" Asked Samuel Adams with curiosity. "He too should be right here in heart discussing matters of freedom with us."

With master tracking skills Garfield sniffed the air and then leapt high into the air and landed at the base of Niagara Falls were Connor was standing monologue.

"Connor what are you doing here America needs you!" Said Garfield voice brimming with patriotism.

"Garfield I am monologue in my inner conflicts! I have been long torn between duties and desires and I am stuck between realm of boy and man!" Connor explained with troubles.

"If just one soldier strays from fight of freedom the war is lost!" Realized Garfield with direness. "There is only thing we can be doing Connor – accelerating your ascent to manhood!"

"How do you intend to go about with that?" Asked Connor but he was answered by the sound of trumpeting angels! Descending from the sky heavens was buxom women clad in scant American flags – it was none other than the Spirit of Liberty!

"Hello valiant American men! I have heard your prayer to the heavens and I have arrived to dispense my assistance for America!" Said Spirit of Liberty with sweet voice like ripe strawberries and love.

"What is this?" Connor asked with interest at unexpected developments.

"If you are ever to be hoping to be a man you must learn how to loving like one!" Said Garfield with instructions.

"Show me the path, Master Garfield!" Said Connor with obedience.

Upon Garfield's command Connor was taken by the Spirit of Liberty with her liberty hands and he took her underneath the falling waters of Niagara and there they consummated sweet romance with fast loading musket motions as they stripped each other of their clothes. Liberty glowed bright and wet in the waters as Connor shot several cannon balls of love into the Spirit of Liberty who screamed a freedom liberating cry of passion as their romances were enveloped by a giant American flag.

"HAHAHAHAHA FREE ME CONNOR!" Begged the Spirit of Liberty for more of his loving.

"Thank you Garfield I finally know what it is like to feel like man!" Said Connor as he and the Spirit of Liberty rolled into the shadows to continue maximum loving.

"Always works like a charm." Said Garfield with nod of approval as he walked off sipping lasagna martini.

Garfield then heard rustling from bush. He whipped his head around with suspicions to see that it was Aveline hiding in the bushes!

"Hello my little mulatto princess." Said Garfield with a sly wink. "Care to partake in those festivities of liberty?"

"Eww!" Said Aveline with disgust as she held her nose. "I will not degrade myself by sleeping with inferior Native American men! But Garfield… you I would be willing to dispense the secrets of the love triangle trade!"

"RACIST! I WILL NOT TAINT MY BODY WITH YOUR FALSE LOVING! FEEL MY JUDGMENT!" Said Garfield with vengeance as he put his fist through Aveline's chest, ripping out her heart.

"No Garfield how did you know my intentions of backstab for the British Empire?" Said Aveline with horror at defeat as she morphed back into an enemy spy.

"I have a PHD in spychecking!" Said Garfield with lies destroyed as he slashed Aveline in half with the Garfield Cutter technique.

Aveline twitched briefly on the ground before blowing up as Garfield put on his shades and walked away without another glance smoking his lasagna cigarettes.

The next day Garfield and company had reached the limits of New York City and had set up camp where they had played poker and drank beer all night to raise morale.

"Samuel Adams this is quite the delicious brew you have concocted!" Said Garfield with rare compliments while counting all his poker winnings. "It is befitting drink for men and you would do yourself fortunate favors to expand after winning of war."

"Wow that is very wise advice Garfield what would I have done after war without you?" Said Samuel Adams with gratitude as he began to formulate retirement plans.

"Garfield you have played brilliant moves in game last night let us pray you withdraw the ace once more today." Said Thomas Jefferson with words of support.

"Do not worry for me Thomas Jefferson." Said Garfield with cool hand confidence. "I have kept the dead man's hand saved for just an occasion."

"When is the fighting to come!" Said Israel Putnam with impatience as he lit a cigar for Garfield.

"Let us not push Garfield for a good General does not rush his battle strategy." Said George Washington with respect as he polished his sword, readying for bloodletting.

"I have heard your pleas and I have decided not to dawdle any longer. Let us serve the British some afternoon teatime of bullets." Said Garfield as he strolled outside to make some final preparations.

With whistle Garfield summoned Pooky who came bounding at him like spirit of the wilds.

"Pooky we have stood shoulder to shoulder amidst fighting for long!" Said Garfield to Pooky with friendship. "But now the time of your return to wilds has come!"

"Roar?" Said Pooky with hesitance.

"Go on Pooky return to your people!" Said Garfield with one manly tear strolling down his cheek at farewell. "I will make sure to never forget you!"

"ROAR!" Said Pooky with farewell as he bounded off into the wilds to eat redcoats.

Later large carriage driven by Benjamin Franklin drove up to New York City gates.

"Halt!" Said the redcoat guard. "What do you intend by showing your head here Franklin?"

"I have come here with aims of betrayal!" Said Benjamin Franklin with a sinister smile. "Take me to your leader now so we may discuss plans to crush enemy!"

The Redcoats led Benjamin Franklin's carriage through the city of New York City to the fortress both where Redcoat Commander Cornwallis and the Templars were.

"Well now Benjamin Franklin I am glad to see that you have finally realized the greatness feeling of betraylings!" Laughed Commander Cornwallis with wickedtree as he stood at balcony enjoying tea and crumpets.

"Yes I am but it is not America who I betray!" Said Benjamin Franklin with a jolly laugh at Commander Cornwallis' gullibility.

Commander Cornwallis spit out his tea. "WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?"

"No, it is your trust that I betray!" Joked Benjamin Franklin at his good wit as the door of the carriage opened up revealing George Washington in golden commander armor behind gatling gun. With battle roar set to heavy pumping rock music, George Washington unleashed rain of molten lead into redcoat legions.

"BETRAYALS!" Cried out Commander Cornwallis in anger. "KILL THEM ALL, MY REDCOAT MINIONS!"

"Not if we kill you all first!" Said Thomas Jefferson as he landed with freefall descent on Commander Cornwallis crushing him flatter than goomba. With stylish movies Thomas Jefferson dual-wielded revolver and sword together and began to slay redcoats.

The battle for New York raged between Patriots and Redcoats when suddenly the Aquila captained by Connor and legion of French aid ships commanded by Lafayette pulled up in harbor.

"FIRE!" Commanded Connor and Lafayette as they fired thousands of cannonballs shattering the forts walls.

Then Garfield emerged from below deck and lit cannon before riding the cannonball into the heart of the raging battle!

"Hello John Bulls. Do not mind if I break a few horns!" Said Garfield as he easily dispensed several Redcoats coming with intents of fight towards him leaving trail of blood in his wake as he sniffed out the Cheese of Eden.

Meanwhile inside the Templar building Haytham Kenway, Shay Patrick Morrissey, Germain, Madeleine, and Charles Lee were enjoying a spot of tea when they heard the commotions emerging from outside.

"Dear Charles I do believe I have made proper arrangements for both American and British to not fight when I am having tea time." Said Haytham with much displeasure.

"Do not worry my English counterpart!" Said Germain as he sipped Coffee like true Frenchman. "I shall make sure to check what is disturbing our afternoon social hour!"

Germain then rolled the curtains open and saw that it was none other than mighty manly orange character slaying his way through redcoats and other minions towards their building. Then he promptly died of a heart attack as he realized that it was none other than the Garfield!

Haytham shook his head with taunting scorn. "You can take the Frenchmen out of France but you cannot take France out of the Frenchman."

"What? GARFIELD?" Said Charles Lee as all his hair turned white with fright at the mere thought of the feline fighter.

"Charles Lee do you intend to flee us in our most critical hour?" Said Shay Patrick Morrissey with disgust.

"Lee there is no need to flee. You are all my friends and friends do not let friends down when they are in need." Haytham said as he put his hands on Lee's shoulders with reassurance. "I am sure that you would do the same for us."

"Yes I would!" Said Charles Lee with lies hiding his self-interest cowardice.

Garfield then kicked down the door with angry roar which flew across the room splattering Madeleine to death. "GIVE ME LEE!"

"I think not. You will have to go through me first." Said Haytham as he withdrew his sword.

"Father do not do this!" Connor said as he leapt in through hole in roof that cannonball made.

"Ah you my spastic half-breed bastard." Haytham shook his head in disapproval. "Sometimes dear Connor I wish that you were a daughter so I could pleasure myself to you while thinking of your mother."

"Haytham Kenway you disgust me!" Said Garfield with revulsion. "You risk descending down same path of madness and evil as your father!"

"DON'T YOU DARE SAY THAT ABOUT MY FATHER!" Screamed Haytham as he angrily waved his sword around in air.

"Haytham there is whole story of your father you do not know." Said Garfield as he reluctantly continued to use his speech skill holding back murder urge.

"I KNOW ENOUGH! I KNOW THAT YOU KILLED HIM!" Said Haytham as tears ran down his eyes.

"Quit your little baby tears or I will not grant you dignity in your final pathetic seconds." Said Garfield with mocking derision.

Then walked in through the door was Jenny from earlier, now legally aged.

"Garfield is right about our father!" Said Jenny with truth. "He was absolute monster!"

"Prove it!" Demanded Haytham as he wiped tears with Winnie the Pooh handkerchief. "I WANT THE TRUTH!"

"Haytham… YOU'RE MY BROTHER AND MY SON!" Cried out Jenny with tears as she handed Haytham birth certificate.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Cried Haytham as he fell to his knees in defeat. "My whole life has been a lie!"

"Father it is not too late!" Said Connor as he held out his hand with passioned plea. "Let us set aside this petty, ancient war. On this land, we have the chance for new beginnings. To put away old hatreds. We no longer need to be Assassins or Templars. Freedom and liberty are being spun as we speak, and it would do us both good to make the best of it, Father! Father… we should realize that we should not be enemies. Rather, we should realize that we are Americans and that we are here to help, not fight!"

"You are right, son!" Haytham said with newfound convictions. "We have been bound down by hatred for too long, Connor! We must realize that while Assassin and Templar blood ends with blades, family blood is FOREVER. Connor, my son, I love you!"

"This is just like the ending of masterpiece film Austin Powers in Goldmember!" Said Garfield with fine cinema appreciation as Haytham and Connor reconciled.

"In the end, love prevails!" Said Jenny with tears of joy. But then suddenly she was blasted away with bloodiness.

"Not so fast! The Assassins and Templars must never be at peace! How else will we sell games then?" Said Shay Patrick Morrissey as he held smoking air rifle in hands.

"MONGREL!" Yelled Garfield with ire at innocent female life wasted as he charged Shay, smashing him through into the air for duel.

Garfield and Shay Patrick Morrissey flew in the air, exchanging furious sword strikes.

"Oh no Garfield I have terrible secret to reveal for I am not really Shay Patrick Morrissey!" Said Shay Patrick Morrissey as he and Garfield locked their blades in heated fight.

"Whaaaaaaaaaa?" Said Garfield as he cut Shay Patrick Morrissey's face revealing that it was actually an ornate mask of Shay Patrick Morrissey!

"You see Garfield I killed Shay Patrick Morrissey while he was sailing here and replaced him!" Said Fake Shay Patrick Morrissey with deceptive laughter. "I am none other than…"

The Fake Shay Patrick Morrissey pulled off his remaining Shay Patrick Morrissey mask revealing true face: "Nermal the World's Cutest Kitten!"

"Nermal." Screamed Garfield with recognition of nemesis. "You should be dead."

"Yes I was but the Shadow Master has given me new life of vengeance against you!" Said Nermal with hatred oozing from his tear ducts. "Now Garfield I shall slay you and become a superior Garfield."

Nermal and Garfield then rushed at each other causing great energy explosion as they collided head-on to begin their final duel.

Meanwhile Haytham and Connor were chasing after Charles Lee who was fleeing with the Cheese of Eden as they build father-son relationship.

"After this is all done I shall take you to get ice cream and hot chocolate." Said Haytham with promises.

"Wow Dad you are better than I ever thought!" Said Connor with thanks.

"All those years we wasted fighting each other must be made up for now starting with the blood of Lee." Said Haytham and Connor as they cornered Charles Lee, and withdrew their weapons.

"Haytham wait spare me for after all have I not been loyal aid all these years?" Weaseled Charles Lee as he wet himself as stitches on his pants seams burst revealing embarrassing extension for all to see.

But before either Haytham or Connor could act there was loud sound of water rumbling. Then exploding from water was giant mechanical shark that ate up Charles Lee.

"Ha ha ha!" Said King George III as he emerged from the Shark's mouth accompanied by none other than the resurrected Captain Edward Kenway. "You Revolutionaries have been thorn in my side for far too long! And now the Cheese of Eden is mine! Freedom dies here!"

"Father what are you doing by his side?" Asked Haytham with disbelief.

"Garfield did not count on my immortality hax! And on the day he thought he killed me, he only killed my soul and with it the mass pleasures of the power of love! For taking that from me I shall have vengeance on all of humanity." Explained Captain Edward Kenway as he brandished his sword with menace. "Now I shall assist the great King George III in destroying the freedom that Garfield holds so dear! And now, my son and grandson… COME TO PAPA!"

Captain Edward Kenway laughed evilly as he took out dual swords as King George III returned to England in his Giant Mechanical Shark and he started to fight Haytham and Connor in family reunion of tainted blood. Meanwhile in the skies above Garfield and Nermal continued to battle with large explosions and high velocity blows. Would the forces of freedom and good triumph in this final battle? Or would the light of civilization forever be extinguished by the evil time-spanning machinations of the Shadow Master? These questions raged in the head of the Founding Fathers as they could only stand back and witness the final chapter of the storybook of Revolution being written before their eyes.

To be continued…


	8. Chapter 8

Garfield's Creed III episode 8 – Rockin' the Free World!

Authors note: This chapter contains musical scene and I encourage you all to sing along and buy Garfield's album after reading to support more episodes of Garfield's Creed III! Remember every click counts!

In the heart of heated battle, Garfield and Nermal were doing the fighting as well as Captain Edward Kenway against his later bloodline.

"Now it is time to sodomize your plunder!" Said Captain Edward Kenway with vicious threats as he approached.

"Oh no Father what will we do?" Asked Connor with improvised battle tactics.

"There is nothing to be done! You shall all do the dying in my mighty fleet of hard love!" Said Captain Edward Kenway with pederasty. But before he could do anything Captain Edward Kenway tripped on a rock and then died.

High in the sky Nermal and Garfield were flying like apache helicopters engaging in battle with lightsabers.

"You killed an innocent woman behind the back. For that I shall dispense you no mercy from my vending machine of punishment!" Said Garfield as he parried Nermal's odious strikes.

"Hah ha Garfield why don't you forget her? You will just find new harlot to go through like crumpet tampon in few minutes." Nermal said with low-blow.

"BECAUSE THIS AIN'T CHINATOWN… THIS IS AMERICA." Garfield roared with national pride as he slashed Nermal across the chest with his sword creating red, white, and blue markings.

"Why do you persist Garfield in hopeless war against superior forces? Soon freedom and America shall die and the Shadow Master will destroy all of humanity! Join while you still can?" Jeered Nermal with evil mockery as he applied Hello Kitty bandages to his wounds to heal them.

Garfield and Nermal clashed creating sword strikes of impacts with such friction and force that lighting rained down upon the grounders frying several redcoats to the bone.

"As long as the world needs them FREEDOM AND AMERICA WILL NEVER DIE!" Said Garfield with raging patriot power as he slashed Nermal's sword off along with his hand.

"Damn you Garfield! I will destroy you and replace your body as a Superior Garfield!" Screamed Nermal with mad frothing at mouth as filthy evil blood spurted like Yellowstone supervolano from his stump.

"You know what you are Nermal? You are a copy and A copy is never the superior." Stated Garfield with crushing truth as he delivered mighty kung fu beatdown to Nermal towards the ground with finishing curbstomp.

"YOU WILL NOT PREVAIL, GARFIELD. Shadow Garfield is more than just a man he is a GOD and he shall crush you like a GNAT!" Raged Nermal with hotburning anger.

"Nermal I think you should cool off." Garfield commented as he grabbed Nermal by the legs and flung him towards the North Atlantic where he was impaled on an iceberg and then sunk into the cold depths never to be seen again.

"Garfield that was an impressive display." Said Haytham and Connor as they walked up.

"What about your family trouble?" Asked Garfield as he dusted his hands of Nermals pathetic presence

"Oh Captain Edward Kenway tripped over a rock and died." Informed Connor with great jubiliation.

"He couldn't handle it for he preferred opera." Haytham said with disregarding nonchalance at death of father.

Then came the applauding figures on the horizon. It was the Founding Fathers, coated in blood of their slain enemies.

"Good work Garfield you have freed America from Redcoat Tyranny!" Said George Washington with compliments.

"But the fight is not over yet!" Said Thomas Jefferson with dreadfulness.

"What do you mean?" Cried Garfield with insolence at British treachery.

"King George III has stolen the Cheese of Eden!" Said Benjamin Franklin with heavy heart. "With it he may soon return with invasion fleet to retake America for his evil empire!"

George Washington walked up to Garfield and bestowed him with buddy fist bump before informing him of great duty to freedom. "Garfield we may not have army navy or air force big enough to invade British Isles but we have even better thing – you!"

"Very well. Time for me to turn the British homefront into the warfront." Garfield said with purpose as he took out the time communicator device Jon Arbuckle gave him for resupplying.

Meanwhile at Buckingham Palace King George III was impatiently pacing around throne room when he received hologram message from Shadow Garfield.

"Shadow Master! I have succeeded in your mission! Now I hold the trump card to annihilate America!" Said King George III with glee.

"You idiot royal!" Said Shadow Garfield with annoyance. "You have left the Garfield alive! You have only delayed the downfall of your empire!"

"What Garfield!? But he is a mere cat! How can he stand up to the might of the Great British Empire?" Asked King George III with disbelieving.

"Ask and you shall receive!" Said Shadow Garfield with glumness as he pushed remote and hologram VHS of Garfields past victories from the precursor days of first blood spilt to the far out galaxy adventures of future played for him.

"IMPOSSIBILITIES!" Cried King George III as his eyes bulged out with terror like great inflated pudding cake at witnessing the great fighting and manly prowess of the Garfield.

"Now you know what sleeping giant you have made irate!" Said Shadow Garfield with much tsking as he disappeared. "And now that he has forged unity between Assassins and Templars of America to form true blue American Fighting Force there is no stopping him from storming your English shores!"

"No man, cat, or savage dares to stand up to the tyranny of my Empire and lives!" Howled King George III with madness. "MOBILIZE ALL DEFENSES!"

Then a messenger rushed in bearing urgent messages.

"What is it you peasant employee?" Screamed King George III with impatience. "Can you not see that I am deep in monologue?"

"Forgive me oh great and mighty King!" Begged the messenger as he bowed repeatedly licking the tip of King George III's boots. "But our mighty navy has captured pity Aquila ship of the Assassins and Templars."

"GOOOOOOOOOD!" Cackled King George III as lighting sparkled in his eyes. "Ready the gallows! Let us show peasant folk what happens when upstart boobs dare stand up to the royal fist!"

King George III rode royal carriage to the riverside Gallows where Haytham Kenway and Connor were being fit into nooses.

"Well son this is not the homecoming I was expecting." Said Haytham Kenway as he looked at London skyline.

"Do not fear, Father. Hope. For Garfield is coming in the name of liberation." Said Connor as he spat into eye of evil British hangman.

"Ha ha what is there to hope for? No cat can stand alone against the might of the British empire!" Laughed King George III as he strolled up sipping a dainty cup of tea.

"Then let me introduce myself." Said a familiar manly voice that sent liberty and fear quaking into the veins of the British who heard it.

It was none other than Garfield loaded to the bone with heavy weaponry as he surfed through the River Thames on a mighty killer whale, plowing through the British Navy like fragile house of cards.

"Dear Lord it is Garfield! I am afraid it is now the hour of our demise!" Said a British soldier with quite dignified fear before he was gulped down by the killer whale as the British Navy thank to the bottom of the Thames.

"Quite! And right before teatime, too! What a pity, pish-posh, chin-chin!" Said another British soldier before Garfield sailed by and punched off his head.

"WHO WANTS AUTOGRAPHS?" Asked Garfield with awesome style as he smoked on a Cuban lasagna cigar while spelling out his name upon incoming redcoat waves with his M60.

"Damn you and your superiority Garfield but we can't have you undoing mighty Britannia!" Said the British prime minster as he zoomed in atop of the mighty British airship throwing bales of sharp fish at Garfield.

"Have some chips to go with your fish." Served Garfield as he set aside his M60 and grabbed his rocket launcher. Then he fired exploding the airship and fried gibs of the British prime minister from the heat of the explosion rained down on London.

King George III quivered with fear and ultimately broke as he saw George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Benjamin Franklin on jetskis decked in power armor following Garfield's wake of liberty finishing off dinner scraps.

"NOOOOOOOO You may come for me but I will kill all your friends first?" Screamed King George III as he gave order to hangman to drop the Kenways before running away.

"STRIKE OUT." Roared Garfield as he threw a baseball up in the air and then using his mighty roundhouse kick sent it flying towards the hangman where it hit a decapitating homerun deuce winning the whole nine yards spiking a goal with a royal flush slam dunk.

As Garfield surfed past Haytham and Connor he tossed them heavy firepower weapons and they joined with Founding Fathers in lead-powered liberation of London.

"GO HOME AND BE A FAMILY MAN." Ordered Garfield to more redcoat guards as he whipped out his dual-wielded sawn-off shotguns and blasted them back to their homes with impact slug force.

Garfield then leapt off his killer whale and landed with heavyweight shockwave sending more guards flying to their treacherous demise, splashing all the London buildings with their blood and guts.

Garfield stormed up to Buckingham Palace after the fleeing King George III, painting the fountains and gardens red with redcoat blood.

"I thirst and the only drink that can quench it is ROYAL BLOOD." Said Garfield as he smashed through the doors of Buckingham Palace with ease with his fist.

Inside Buckingham Palace Garfield stormed into King George III's throne room of criminality and misery where the mad monarch was cowering with the Cheese of Eden.

"Hello King George III. I am the doctor and I diagnose you with madness for which the prescription is .44." Said Garfield with medical expertise as he aimed his Desert Eagles and fired.

But with cheap trick King George III pressed big red button which brought down bulletproof glass.

"I WILL NOT BOW MY EMPIRE BEFORE YOU!" Said King George III with petulant tantrum before mooning Garfield.

"Oh no Garfield what will we do?" Asked Haytham Kenway as he walked in with Connor and the Founding Fathers.

"If he will not fall by bullets then he shall fall by song." Said Garfield as he stretched his deep, muscular vocal chords in warm-up.

"Brilliant idea, Garfield! An evil heart such as his cannot resist the purifying powers of a good song!" Complimented Benjamin Franklin as everyone got into position with instruments Garfield handed them for back-up music.

As Thomas Jefferson mixed the sound for maximum live quality Benjamin Franklin began with sexy synthesizer keyboard intro before George Washington launched into macho and gritty rugged bassline. Then Haytham began to beat on the drums with his drumsticks, activating pyrotechnics that began to rock the throne room, causing King George III to cry out in sheer fright. Finally Connor began roaring with sixteenth note bar chords and hammer ons with his freedom-powered guitar.

"Here is my upcoming single, 'Liberty and Lasagna' which can be found on my next album with my other hits 'Lasagna Skies' and 'Smooth Lasagna.' A pity you won't be alive to buy it." Said Garfield with self-promotion and taunts as he took his mic and began to sing.

"When the dark curtain of evil reigns high

Do not despair like flies on rotten pie

No man loses face or traction in his heart

For in this war he can still play a part

Knowing that as long as there is lasagna to bite

There's a feeling in my pants

An ecstasy that makes me wanna dance

Cause I know

Liberty will never die

Liberty and Lasagna

A real man bears no inflated ego

Or I will break you and make you humble

Liberty and Lasagna

Lose not your fighting spirit

Because can you not hear it

The sweet whisper of luscious women

The precious reward for winning

Liberty and Lasagna

Freedom is the flag under which I walk

If there is better master to fight for no one knows what

Disciples of evil remain alone and bedless

While bare babes stick to the free like melting mozzarella cheese

Liberty and Lasagna

When I glance upon the horrors of oppression

It's time to give the oppressors a depression

Romance Freedom and Liberty is my destiny

I'm a man and I do not let evil let it be

Wow Wow Wow Wow Wow

Liberty and Lasagna

Sweet, sweet Liberty and Lasagna."

Connor then launched into a heavy rocking guitar solo, shattering the barrier that separated King George III from them with the power of his musical electro-vibes. King George III screamed like whiny sissy girl as his eardrums popped and his eyes began to melt out like strawberry ice cream with raspberry sauce ontop under hot sun. Powered by rock and roll, Garfield's band began to levitate towards gathering thunderclouds as Garfield resumed singing.

"So against evil fight fight fight fight fight

Underneath the blood moon which hangs in the night sky

Love Revolution begins with the rebellion of one

And love tangles in sheets when down goes the sun

So show me the key to the pants of freedom

Down goes the tyranny of kingdoms

Liberty and Lasagna

Be a man, be a lover

Liberty and Lasagna

Crushing evil with heel and holding nimble babe in arm be the hero

While the fallen and cowards are absolute zeroes

So to the worthy and the brave

Do not fear entrance to an early grave

Enlist with love and passion in your eyes

And in battle welcome many to die

In the fight for Liberty and Lasagna

Liberty and Lasagna

Sweet, sweet Liberty and Lasagna

When Liberty descends from her throne in the sky

She will bare us breasts tastier than turkey on rye

Upon the surface of the freedom sun

Liberty and all of us become loving one

Under the cover of Liberty and Lasagna"

Garfield and the band hit a climatic final high note before landing on the Aquila, unleashing great thunderstorms and meteors upon England which caused it to break off from the rest of the UK and leveled its cities causing great flooding of rock and roll.

"DAMN YOU LIBERTY!" Cried King George III as piece of roof fell onto him crushing him like skunk underneath Hummer tire.

"Liberty can never be damned. For it is forever like lasagna." Said Garfield as England sank beneath the churning Atlantic Sea like cocoa powder in milk.

Garfield then fished out the Cheese of Eden and held it with pride. At least Garfield had reunited the fragments of the Lasagna of Eden!

Then Garfield heard clapping on horizon and he turned to look. It was Napoleon sailing toward them.

"Garfield! I see that you have at last ended the reign of King George III and secured the world's freedom. You are a real man and a real hero!" Said Napoleon as he and Garfield shook hands.

"Just doing my job. After all, who didn't find him a _royal_ pain in the ass?" Garfield joked while everyone around him laughed as the Aquila sailed back to America.

"Now let's go home and get some lasagna ice cream." Announced Garfield with victory party.

"YAAAAAAAAY." Said everybody as they threw up their arms in anticipation of cold delights.

"Garfield you have shown us the value of freedom and the folly of monarchy!" Said Eleanor the Redcoat dying her uniform blue as she sailed by on a rowboat past wreckage of England. "How can we ever repay you for your humane selflessness?"

"Babe, climb aboard and I'll show you how!" Said Garfield with a wink and a flex as he helped Eleanor the Redcoat up with his muscular vice grip.

"Not so fast! We want in one the payments too." Said Martha Jefferson Sally Hemings and the other lovers and daughters of Founding Fathers with economics as they crawled out from below deck and fawned over Garfield.

"As do we!" Said sultry Native American Independent woman, blonde Pioneer babe, and Connor's mom as they rowed up to the Aquila in canoe. "Connor has told us much about your manly macho prowess!"

"I never asked for this... but I want you inside of me!" Begged Hope Jensen as she climbed aboard, flashing her augmented breasts at Garfield.

"Well now… it looks like that I am going to be enjoying more than just ice cream today." Garfield said slyly as he eyed each of the babes over while unwrapping a condom.

George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, Connor, Haytham Kenway, and Napoleon all laughed while giving Garfield two thumbs-up as he scooped up all the women with his arms and carried them to the Captain's quarters for high seas freedom romancing.

While Garfield was seducing and mooning the babes underneath the Arabian sheets of his ten-poster bed while his band played romantic rock ballads, they did not see evil figure of an Assassin spying on them in horizon from top of Notre Dame in Paris the French City of France.

"Blast it!" Sneered Arno Dorian while he sat near his Tardis as he took out Walky-Talky to contact Shadow Garfield. "Shadow Master, he has bested yet another of us!"

"Heh heh so what? I knew that biscuit head King George III was no use anyways. That fool Garfield he thinks he has won but he has no idea what awaits him in present day!" Laughed Shadow Garfield on the other end.

"Yes… nothing shall prepare him for the DAY OF THE EZIO!" Arno Dorian laughed with fabulous malevolence as he stepped back in his Tardis to rejoin the rest of the Ezio incarnations in plotting of revenge against Garfield in modern day.

To be continued…


	9. Chapter 9

Garfield's Creed III episode 9 – The Day of the Ezio

Authors note: Put on heavy metal or hard rock during all action scenes if you have not been doing so for seamless immersion!

By the time morning came the entire Aquila smelled like scent of fresh springtime romances when the flowers bloom. With yawn of boundless machismo Garfield stretched out his arms and looked around at all the naked sleeping babes as he tenderly massaged their nubile forms.

"Been busy haven't you, Garfield?" Called out Benjamin Franklin with endorsement from above.

"Now this truly was an ice cream party for the history books." Prophesized Thomas Jefferson while tenderly licking his chocolate ice cream cone as everyone applauded Garfield as he strolled with casual man style back onto deck, the sunlight reflecting off of his muscles like sunset upon desert highway road.

"Land ho! We have returned to America in time for the Fourth of July!" Said Connor with homecoming as he sailed into port of Boston where large parade had gathered for Garfield at the docks with great confetti and fireworks.

"Once upon a time I would've criticized these peoples for such bombast and misplaced patriotism… but now I know that FREEDOM IS KING." Haytham said as he put on Uncle Sam hat as Samuel Adams began rolling out kegs of FREEDOM BEER.

"Garfield I must thank you for the invaluable lessons that you have taught us all during your time here." Said George Washington as he and Garfield waved to the crowds and posed for cameras. "You have convinced me to take upon role of the President of the United States instead of retiring back to Mount Vernon."

"May your manliness never falter!" Said Garfield with parting advice to George Washington as he walked through the crowd, kissing babies and signing autographs for all.

"Good-bye Garfield!" Shouted all grateful Americans with farewell wave as with booming sound effect Garfield stepped through opening time portal with the Cheese of Eden in tow.

On the other side there was grand celebrating party awaiting for Garfield.

"Greetings Garfield we see that you have finally recovered the final ingredient of the Lasagna of Eden!" Said Lucy with affectionate welcomings as she vigorously kissed and stroked him all over.

"Indeed let us see what we now have!" Said Rebecca as she took the Cheese of Eden and combined them with the Noodles and Sauce of Eden. Suddenly there was blinding red white and green light and after a few seconds the Lasagna of Eden had formed floating in the air!

"Gasp!" Said Lucy with shock as she dangled her fingers near the Lasagna of Eden. "I have never felt such power before!"

"Oh really?" Said Garfield with begging difference as he flexed his muscles, combining with the power of the Lasagna of Eden to create newfound man power!

"Wow! I wish I could be that powerful!" Said Desmond Miles as he looked up from his Game Boy Advance at Garfield and the Lasagna of Eden.

"Except you never will you useless wet blanket!" Laughed Lucy and Rebecca with taunts.

"You are right guys! I am useless the whole time and I will never bean a man in my life!" Said Desmond with hard realizations.

"Enough with small chitter chatter." Garfield demanded with booming voice that shut everyone up. "We finally have at our disposal ultimate weapon to wipe Abstergo rats from face of world! Now Lucy and Rebecca I believe it is time for one last push together before I go and finish my business." Garfield added with a charming wink.

"Oooh Garfield you are so romantic! Desmond can't even get a rise out of me!" Laughed Lucy as she prepared to remove her clothes when suddenly there was loud buzzing on communication screen.

"What is this unexpected communication?" Inquired Rebecca Crane as she turned on the communication screen.

"Ha ha ha Garfield remember me?" Sneered the face of Ezio Auditore with fury. "I am here for my revenge for the indiscretions you have committed against my bloodline!"

"Ah it will be a pleasure to kill you again." Garfield said with cool style as he poured himself a drink and lit a cigarette.

"You may kill me Garfield but you cannot stop ten more of me!" Said Ezio with mockery. "You see Garfield I am really a Time Lord and through made-up sciences I have brought ten more of my incarnations from time to wreak my vengeance upon thee!"

"Ten is little more than gnat brushing against my arm. I am a master bowler and every bowl is a perfect strike." Said Garfield with ridicule as he put on a bowler hat and readied throw.

"LIES!" Screamed Ezio as he punched his screen cracking it. "WE WILL BE SEEING EACH OTHER AGAIN SHORTLY GARFIELD FOR NOW ARRIVES THE DAY OF THE EZIO!"

"Oh no Garfield what are we going to do?" Asked Desmond Miles with absolute trepidation.

"I will deliver to Ezio justice like the pizzaman delivers pizza – 30 minutes or less." Garfield said as he put on his All-American shades and hopped back into his All-American muscle car and began loudly playing heavy rockin music as he sped off.

Garfield then did the driving through America, his body filled with justice like overflowing milk carton, hands of determination upon the steering wheel and power pounding down the pedal. Garfield then arrived in Washington DC where he sensed evil attempting to invade.

"I am here to issue you tickets of deportation Garfield!" Laughed one of Ezios incarnations wearing Confederate Uniform as he approached Garfield on horse while firing Civil War rifle at Garfield which harmlessly bounced off of his bulletproof car armor. It was Nathan Bedford Forrest founder of the Ku Klux Klan!

"It is time to start murdering my daily quota of racists." Said Garfield as he started marking down counter as he drove headfirst into Nathan Bedford Forrest roadkilling his horse.

"You can't possibly kill all of us!" Screamed Nathan Bedford Forrest as he tried to crawl away with all his bones broken.

"I'm off to a good start." Said Garfield with a chuckle as he rubbed out his cigarette on Nathan Bedford Forrest's left eye while gouging the other out.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Said Nathan Bedford Forrest before Garfield ripped off his head and tossed it away to hungry dog pack.

With another Ezio taken care of Garfield leapt into his car and drove into dark woods where suddenly his tire ran over a thumb tack popping! Then as Garfield stepped out to fix his tire he heard evil man giggling.

"You may have bested two of us but your roaring rampage ends here for you shall not see me coming!" Sniveled Ted Bundy as he stalked Garfield through the shadows of the trees.

"There is no place for evil to hide but the grave." Said Garfield cooly as he grabbed his tire wrench and swung it decapitating Ted Bundy. Then he fixed his tires in two seconds and drove off in search of more fighting.

Garfield then arrived at Seattle where he saw the next Ezio incarnation terrorizing the people with bad music.

"Listen to the song of my angst and feel my sorrow!" Cried Captain Grunge as he pounded on pussy guitar sending people crying with his bad song.

"That song is clearly the voice of a vile enemy of America and by extension an enemy of me! I must take care of him the way a real man does!" Said Garfield as he flew over highway ramp over Seahawks stadium to pinpoint the location of Captain Grunge.

"Time to take your shots!" Joked Garfield as he leapt out of his muscle car and proceeded to grab the Space Needle with intents of intervention.

"Oh no that does not look like heroin needle!" Screamed Captain Grunge with junkie dependence before Garfield crushed him like ant with the Space Needle. Garfield then landed back in the muscle car and proceeded to drive off to further deliver justice.

Garfield traveled southwards towards San Francisco where the evilest incarnation of evil Ezio Adolf Hitler was attempting to enact plans of genocide upon diverse city of saints with bigotry!

"Guess who's here?" Said Garfield with announcements of punishment as he arrived on Golden Gate Bridge before smashing through one of Hitler's roadblocks running over Nazis left and right.

"ACH NEIN!" Said Hitler with baby fear as his knees popped together before turning to run away like coward rat he was. "You will not take me alive! Ezios of All Time and Space, attack!"

Upon Hitler's orders five more incarnations of Ezio popped out of hiding places as Garfield leapt out of his muscle car with fighting style. It was the Evil Avengers Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, Hawkeye, and Black Widow!

"Garfield you cannot defeat all four of us at once!" Mocked the evil Ezio incarnations with hate.

"THEN I'LL HAVE TO MAKE IT ONE ON ONE!" Roared Garfield as he stomped down his manly foot causing San Francisco Earthquake that sent the evil Ezio incarnations flying.

"Oh no!" Said Black Widow as she unzipped her skinsuit as she saw the approaching Garfield with justice flying out of his eyes. "You wouldn't hit a woman would you?"

"A vow is a vow." Said Garfield with a sly wink as he took Black Widow by the hands to do a sexy ballade together. But as soon as Garfield put his mighty lips of love upon Black Widow she exploded like a popping balloon hit with nuke.

"Well now, looks like you were too evil to handle the full might of my loving and survive." Garfield said with sadness as he snagged an arrow fired by Hawkeye and snapped it into atoms.

"Gosh darn it Garfield why not you dice?!" Said Hawkeye with frustration as he fired all his arrows at Garfield only to miss like inexperienced Cub scout.

"Your archery is little more than lousy vaudevillian show unworthy for eyes of MEN. GO ENTERTAIN LITTLE KITTENS." Said Garfield as he punched Hawkeye in the gut penetrating him and ripping out his intestines before using him like a lasso to send him flying into the tiger pit at the zoo.

"Doeth thou dareth goest upeth against a far superioreth foe such as I the mighty Thor?" Demanded Thor of Garfield's insolence as he doused Garfield with lethal lightning from Bjolnir.

"Were you not paying attention earlier?" Laughed Garfield with flip off as he harmlessly shrugged off Thor's lighting before reflecting it at Thor paralyzing him with high voltage.

"What a puny God." Said Garfield as he took out a flask of lasagna whiskey and gulped it down for mid-battle refreshments before crushing Thor's skull with his foot.

Garfield was then tackled by Iron Man sending him flying high into the air. With drunken roar Iron Man delivered punching iron fists to Garfield which harmlessly bounced off of his muscles.

"Didn't they teach you not to drink and fly in superhero school?" Taunted Garfield as he dented Iron Man's armor with two light finger flicks.

"Shaddup! I got issues!" Whined Iron Man with lousy excuses as he grabbed some vodka to refill himself with alcohol power as he and Garfield continued to clash.

"Then let me attract you to some help!" Said Garfield as he dropped kicked Iron Man into a magnet factory.

"Likes repel but in your case they were attract!" Said Garfield with magnetics as he grabbed two giant magnets and used them to compact Iron Man's armor inwards compacting him like sledgehammer upon cheese cubes.

Garfield walked out of the magnet factory when he heard the whistling sound of Captain America's shield coming towards him. With lightning fast reflexes Garfield grabbed the shield and crumpled it up like a blob of spaghetti.

"Captain America!" Cried out Garfield with shock as Captain America an American fighting hero approached him to begin fight. "You are an American! Why do you join forces with anti American evil like Ezio?"

"Ha ha ha!" Laughed Captain America at Garfield's ire. "Do you think this A on my head stands for America? NO IT STANDS FOR AXIS!"

Captain America then ripped off his Captain America costume to reveal that he was actually the Red Mask!

"I knew better than to have believed that a real American hero would've fallen to the side of the Ratzis!" Said Garfield as he and the Red Mask exchanged blows.

"Oh no Garfield you have defeated me!" Said the Red Mask with lose of functions as Garfield sliced off both of his arms. "Please spare me and I will lead you to Ezio!"

"Nazi bastard you may seethe red with your evil but I will have you seeing blue." Said Garfield with disgust as he booted Red Mask into the ocean.

With five more Ezios down Garfield only had three more to go so he eagerly resumed the hunt and hopped into his muscle car following the fleeing Hitler.

Garfield pursued Hitler through all of America past sweeping landscapes and national landmarks until they arrived at Mount Rushmore where Ezio and Arno Dorian were waiting!

"Hey me, help me!" Said Hitler to his other selves from time in pure fear and misery as he scrambled like burnt eggs towards Ezio and Arno Dorian.

"Hitler you fool you have led Garfield to our very door step!" Childed Ezio Auditore with disappointed facepalm as Garfield crushed Hitler by landing on him with smooth car jump.

"Nine are down. That leaves just you two. Or did I say, just you?" Said Garfield with arithmetic as he whipped out his Desert Eagle blowing off Arno Dorian's head in mushroom cloud of strawberry jam.

"Ha ha he was inferior version of me in all aspects. But ha ha all fighting has weakened you Garfield Now deal with my ultimate weapon… MY FANBOY ARMY!" Ezio said with diabolical ace card as he gathered up army of one million sycophants.

Garfield tread forward without mercy towards Ezio as Ezio flung his fanboys at him. Like feather up against Asian tsunami wave the fanboys splattered harmlessly against Garfield's biceps of titanium.

"What sort of sick man sends babies to fight?" Asked Garfield with repulsion of Ezio's coward tactics.

"The smart kind!" Laughed Ezio as he threw his final fanboy to squealing doom.

"Not so smart now is it? Now it is time to be slammed dunk into core of Earth" Announced Garfield as he grabbed Ezio by the collar and readied for mighty fisting.

"Ha ha Garfield! Not so fast for I have programmed the ultimate restraining order many years ago in preparation for vengeance and so without further ado FEEL MY WRATH!" Said Ezio as he activated true ace card by pressing button on hidden blade bracer which activated Ezio's super trap for Garfield.

Suddenly from Mount Rushmore the President Heads rose from ground revealing that they were really giant President statues. The President Statues then opened up their eyes and fired laser beams that wrapped around Garfield and bound him to ground like net.

"See Garfield you have fallen prey to my ultimate trap!" Ezio bragged with misplaced notion of victory. "Now it is time for you to be the suffering as you have done to me!"

Ezio then took out a cross with intents of crucifixion. For whole month Ezio attempted to nail Garfields right hand to cross to no success.

"You little fool boy are you trying to torture me or tickle me?" Said Garfield with stoic scorning laugh as Ezio broke his two-hundredth nail upon Garfield's hand.

"Damn you Garfield but if I cannot torture you I shall end you!" Said Ezio as he took out a instant death disintegrator cannon from the year 3K.

"It would take one thousand disintegrators to kill me!" Taunted Garfield without fear as Ezio readied the disintegrator cannon.

"Then Garfield marvel at the technique taught to me by the Shadow Master!" Said Ezio as he harnessed his foul ninja skills and split off into one thousand Ezios each with their own disintegrator cannon.

"Go ahead and pull the trigger. You will never be a man merely blind crippled child chasing after ice cream truck." Garfield said with indomitable resistance and mokcery as he spat hot lasagna spit into Ezio's eye.

All the Ezios charged up their disintegrator cannons readying to disintegrate Garfield but suddenly a giant sound was heard in skies above them.

It was a giant carrier air fortress and emblazoned on it was the logo of Garfield's Powerful Ally Welfare Syndicate – PAWS. The giant carrier air fortress than fired many torpedoes destroying Ezio's President statues. Then as the hatch opened familiar voice was herd by all!

"AMAKOOOOOOO."

It was Jon Arbuckle in flight jacket wearing jetpack and twirling shining golden revolvers. And without warning Jon Arbuckle leapt from air hatch leading thousands of troops into battle against Ezio.

Jon Arbuckle sped through the skies in flight skillfully gunning down hundreds of Ezios with his rapid firing revolver skills. Then Jon Arbuckle blasted Garfield's bindings freeing him.

Seeing his captive free and his clones dying Ezio finally broke out in panic fear. "It is hopeless to think that even the Shadow Master could've defeated the Great Garfield!"

Ezio then leapt on his Pink Vespa as all his clones died around him and sped away.

"Garfield the battle has been won!" Said Obama the President with congratulations as he parachuted down and slit the throat of the last Ezio.

"But the real Ezio has escaped!" Worried Jon Arbuckle as he surveyed the aftermath of the battle.

"Do not worry." Said Garfield with reassuring commander's voice. "For every action there is a reaction. For every rise there is a fall. And for every escape there is a capture."

"I have brought along my Harley Davidson for just an occasion!" Said Obama the President with lending as he had his custom-painted and modded Presidential Harley Davidson wheeled over to Garfield. "Now find Ezio and finish him!"

"I will not let you down Mister President!" Said Garfield with parting salute as he rode off.

Garfield then rode with such high velocity that he traveled around the entire span of the globe in every possible direction ten times through entering new dimension of speed in search of Ezio.

"Whew!" Said Ezio elsewhere as he continued to be riding his Pink Vespa through highway roads. "I do believe that I have thrown Garfield off of my trail!"

But before Ezio could have moment to find brothel to celebrate he heard the sound of Ozzy Osbourne's "Hellraiser" coming over on the horizon like sunrise. It was Garfield heading towards Ezio at 5th-dimensional Speed.

"Hold your mouth if you do not have the proofs to back up your hypothesis!" Said Garfield with scientific method as he leapt at Ezio. With the propelling motion force of his leap factored in with the velocity he had been traveling at Garfield boosted into Nthdimensionally Acceleration.

"Garfield please spare me!" Begged Ezio as he continued to ride towards oblivion unable to escape Garfield's magnetic charisma.

"The only thing I have to spare is my fist!" Quipped Garfield as he came at Ezio increasing his punching power charge with each second.

"No my dream of world domination! It must not die!" Cried Ezio as tears burst from his eyes like broken fountain.

Garfield reached maximum charge and with fire in his heart and eyes he readied himself for his ultimate technique that only a true man could master as he readied to collide with Ezio as his heart-rocking heavy metal hit meaningful emotional chorus.

"GARFIELD PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNCH!" Roared Garfield as his fist connected with Ezio's face with the power of Nth Dimensions.

"You may have stopped me now Garfield but beware for my original and final incarnations shall be your ultimate end! And they will come to you quickly than you have expecting!" Cried Ezio with great pain as the force of Garfield Punch annihilated him erasing him from existence in great atomic supernova explosion.

As Garfield checked his watch seeing that it had taken him only twenty-nine minutes to defeat Ezio, he saw lean sexy redhead figure approaching him in distance. It was none other than Elise.

"Wow Garfield I am very glad you have killed Arno Dorian and rest of the Ezios. They were real stupid!" Said Elise with gratitude as she grabbed Garfield and smothered him with her ripe french cantaloupes.

"That's right Baby. Do you like lasagna?" Asked Garfield with charming smile.

"Oh Garfield upon your command I would eat garbage!" Said Elise with loyal servitude.

Garfield then received call on his lasagna-brand smartphone.

"Garfield what has happened?" Asked voice of Jon Arbuckle on other end. "We have heard sound of great explodings! Are you ok?"

"I am more than just okay. I feel ultra!" Said Garfield as he boarded his motorcycle and got the engine running.

"What shall we do now, Garfield, now that we have ended the Day of the Ezio?" Said Jon Arbuckle awaiting further orders.

"Isn't it obvious, Jon Arbuckle?" Asked Garfield as he rode back towards homebase with Elise holding onto him, both of them with anticipating lust. "It is time we weed out Abstergo."

To be continued…


	10. Chapter 10

Garfield's Creed III episode 10 – Assault!

It was the finale night before the attack on enema Abstergo base and Garfield was readying himself for action by performing sit-ups on a chin-up bar while the Rocky IV training montage song played on boombox stereo.

"This is the music of the emotions of my warrior spirit and the theme of my victory!" Said Garfield with inspirations self-talk as he did vaulting backflip onto karate bricks smashing them into dust with his feet.

Next Garfield performed crunches and leg lifts with Elise in such loving vigor that he loved her to oblivion.

"There is no exercise more taxing and rewarding than the gaming of love." Commented Garfield as he tucked Elise in comfortable bed and gave her smoochings all over.

Garfield then rewarded himself with a swig of hard, muscle-building whiskey of men before furthering his abdominal strength with one-finger push-ups. In front of Garfield was large dish of lasagna that he ate out of every time he went down fueling his veins with the lifeblood of fresh lasagna.

Finally Garfield finished his workout by sparring with captured Abstergo prisoners unarmed in deathmatch. Equipped with deadliest of weaponry the Abstergo prisoners went at Garfield with flailing but were no match for the mastery of Garfield in combat as he slew them all.

"That was invigorating work-out session but now it is time to kickback and relax." Said Garfield admiring full moon in lasagna phase of Lunar cycle as he walked out onto his villa balcony and filled up the Jacuzzi.

As Garfield was relaxing in his bubbly Jacuzzi bath drinking Lasagna cocktail Rebecca Lucy and Bishop walked out in skimpy bikinis.

"Hello my fresh choice chickees." Said Garfield with suave greeting as he leaned back against edge of Jacuzzi. "Have you come to join the festivities?"

"How can you think of partying prelude to great war to come?" Asked Bishop with incredluations.

"Garfield we are worried for tomorrow you attack greatest enemy any of us have ever know!" Said Rebecca with feminine worry.

"Yes Garfield Abstergo is indeed nefarious in their evil! Do you fear not their might?" Added Lucy with much concern.

Garfield only chuckled with great amusement at their fright as he finished his Lasagna cocktail and then tossed it aside.

"Come to me my spicy chicken tenders." Said Garfield with astute flirtatious manner and open arms. "I will show you how I reach my battlefield zen by mixing business and pleasure."

"We do not know about this!" Said Rebecca with apprehensions. "What if the water is too hot?"

"There is no nirvana to be attained if you do not take leap of faith!" Said Garfield with the motivating sternness of knowledged Shaolin master as the girls lingered at waters edge afraid to dip toes in.

"Yes pleasure us to infinite nirvana!" Screamed the three ladies as they ripped off their bodies revealing slippery body forms that glistened in sparkling reflection of Jacuzzi bubbles before leaping in.

Garfield then snapped his fingers and instantly PAWS soldiers were out on deck setting up scene for evening of hardcore loving. Soldiers rolled out airline luggage lines worth of lasagna for feasting while Black Sabbath arrived to play live music to set scene of sexiness and other soldiers decorated for authentic romance by placing real Da Vinci paintings all over.

"Now ladies let the fun and games begin!" Said Garfield as he dove underwater and from beneath yanked the sexy ladies underneath and wrapped all over them like the kraken of mojo.

First Garfield tangled up the ladies as they ripped and pulled at each other's hair in lovemaking game of passion and then with tongues and legs wide apart and hips bending over they stimulated many pleasures from each other.

"Ooh Garfield your might is greater than that of an exploding sun!" Said Bishop as Garfield mightily spanked her bums until they had grown purple with arousal bruises.

"Let me be your love toy!" Screamed Lucy as Garfield rolled loose his ding ding dong and slid around her Grand Canyon like roaring rapids.

"Ha ha ha Garfield more more more!" Cried Rebecca in the midnight hour with spirited yell as Garfield prodded her in and out through skin flesh and bone.

"YES GARFIELD EAT ME OF ALL PRETENSIONS!" Begged Lucy and Garfield proceeded to take her by the legs and like turning juicy calzone inside out as fillings were lapped up tenderly he leaned in and Garfield proceeded to partake in great feastings.

For hours underwater Garfield make intense lovings to the three women as they clambered all over him with their fine naked bodies and he clamped them like alligator with prey with his vise-grip thighs. With the fiery passion of a shooting star Garfield romanced them with such heated penetration the temperature of lovemaking evaporated all water in the Jacuzzi. Then Garfield lined up the three in row like centipede and as he took one final stab forward he gored them with such free loving he blew out the lights and caused nationwide blackout.

The next morning as the sun rose and Garfield finished his latest warm-up exercise and was enjoying a lasagna-sprinkled donut and coffee, he saw that the three women were still nude and at bottom of his Jacuzzi. He noticed that the strength of his loving had put them into love coma where they would continue to experience the pleasures of his lovemaking until they woke up.

With silent smile at his pleasuring prowess Garfield put on his all-black longcoat and shades before loading his Desert Eagles as he boarded his Lasagna Falcon fighter plane to fly towards the future.

Meanwhile at Abstergo Headquarters on Abstergo Island Dr. Warren Vidic and other chairmen of Abstergo were making evil plans of world domination when suddenly burst in Melanie Lemay with urgent messages.

"Oh no my fellow Abstergoes Garfield has acquired the Lasagna of Eden we are all doomed!" Said Melanie Lemay with panic.

"WHAT?" Said Dr. Warren Vidic with indignannces. "How can this be? We have expertly designed all side content to distract Garfield from completion of main quest!"

"Dr. Warren Vidic let me handle this catproblem like bloodhound!" Said Daniel Cross as he finished applying eyeliner and trying on bras to compound his angst and issues.

"Yes this most certainly shall be the solution to our Garfield problem!" Laughed Dr. Warren Vidic regaining all his evil confidences of victory.

But then in next minute of evil plotting their wicked aura was rocked by sudden sound of explosions from outside followed up by the rock and rolling tunes of Iron Maiden's "Aces High" as Garfield arrived blowing out all outside defenses with Stinger missiles from his fighter jet.

"Oh no GARFIELD!" Screamed all of the evil Abstergo scientists and soldiers as they began scurrying like rats of cowardice.

Anti-plane guns began firing missiles at Garfield's fighter jet but with expertise Garfield adeptly dodged them all and led the missiles right back to the source causing more great explosions and fatalities.

"Open up specially marked boxes of Garfield to find a free toy of DEATH iinside!" Quipped Garfield as he ejected from his fighter jet and unleashed the full wrath of his Desert Eagles upon incoming Abstergo guards.

Garfield then kicked a hole in the wall with intents of finding Dr. Warren Vidic when Daniel Cross rushed in.

"Stop right there Garfield it is time to dine in hell!" Said Daniel Cross to the tunes of his favorite song Madonnas "Material Girl" while smearing on Battle Mascara.

Daniel Cross and Garfield rushed around the room firing at each other with their guns with their bullets colliding in mid-air and littering the ground with empty casings.

"Be sure to reserve a table for me when you arrive!" Said Garfield as he did side-kick to the pressure point of Daniel Cross paralyzing him before shoving him into nearby woodchipper.

Garfield continued down long corridor killing all scientists and guards that he came across when he came across Melanie Lemay.

Melanie Lemay fell to her knees before groveling. "Oh Garfield you would not hurt a women would you?"

"When you see one let her know I will not!" Said Garfield backhanding Melanie Lemay to reveal that she was actually Aiden Pearce in drag!

"Aiee!" Screamed Aiden Pearce as his fake breasts fell off. "My brilliant disguise has been ruined!"

"And that is not the only thing!" Said Garfield as he grabbed Aiden Pearce by the head and then twisted his neck with satisfying snap crackle and pop.

At last Garfield came to Animus Testing room where he sensed the greatest concentration of evil in whole of Abstergo base. Garfield then pressed ear to door knob to peep in on conversations of wicked sin.

"After all this time and preparation how have you not destroyed the Garfield?" Sneered Shadow Garfield with much contempt.

"Please Shadow Master understand us Garfield is like no foe we have ever faced before!" Said Dr. Warren Vidic with excuses.

"LIES! GARFIELD IS BUT A MAN AND HE SHALL DIE LIKE ONE WHEN UP AGAINST I A GOD!" Said Shadow Garfield with hate. "You Dr. Warren Vidic are nothing but an absolute failure in long line!"

Garfield then casually walked in by kicking the doors wide open, cracking his knuckles as his eyes glowed bright with the searing cry of thundering justice.

"NO GARFIELD GET BACK!" Screamed Dr. Warren Vidic as he backed away but tripped rendering himself helpless as he snapped both his ankles.

"Hello Dr. Warren Vidic I told you that you would be buying me a new TV." Said Garfield as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the bill for his new TV.

"Please do anything you want to me Garfield just let me have last luxury meal of lobsters and caviar!" Begged Dr. Warren Vidic with crying surrender and gluttony as he paid the bill.

"CHEW ON THIS!" Said Garfield with fatalities as he shoved the acid-inked bill into Dr. Warren Vidic's mouth. With gurgling choking scream Dr. Warren Vidic's saliva activated the acid which started burning his entire digestive system.

Dr. Warren Vidic melted to dead green puddle on floor and Garfield turned to face Shadow Garfield at long last for final battle.

"You may have won this battle Garfield but I shall win the war!" Pledged Shadow Garfield as he threw down smoke bomb and disappeared to coward wound licking cave.

"Garfield what has happened here?" Asked Obama the President as he joined Garfield in room with the rest of his army.

"We have finally won Mister President. America has been saved from the treachery of Abstergo!" Announced Garfield as he set fires to the last of Abstergos files and research forever wiping them from face of civilized world.

"But what about Shadow Garfield Garfield? He has escaped to fight another day!" Jon Arbuckle said with great concerns as he wiped Abstergo guard's blood off of his gunslinger vest.

"Let him rot in his place of security until he grows back the false manliness to dare come and face me again." Garfield said with little concern. "For as long as there is evil that conspires against the great Nation of America, I shall be there to stop them. And next time, there will be no escape for there is only Garfield!"

Everyone applaused with much approval of Garfield's endless resolve to dedication of justice.

"And now…" Said Garfield with anticipations of announcement. "It is time to throw party across time!

With that said everyone walked off into the sunset with content in their hearts for they knew that the war had been won and there were no more battles to be fought. The time for fighting had ended and the time of great lasagna feasting and romancing had begun as Garfield sent out party invitations throughout time to reunite all who had helped him in his quest to save America. And without a doubt when the party began nothing could go wrong.

To be continued…


	11. Chapter 11

Garfield's Creed III episode 11 – The Fell

It was dawn of the Monday of Garfield's victory party held at the PAWS Command Center. For days straight without end there had been merrying party as Garfield danced like a man in center of stage beneath glittering disco ball to heavy metal music. All around people were in joyous spirits as they feasted upon lasagna as the ladies stripped down to stringy lingerie for dancing and loving when in walked George Washington leading contingent of Garfield's allies from time-traveling adventure.

"Ah I see that you have received my invitations!" Said Garfield with welcomings to new arrivals as he danced with women in each of his arms.

"It would be remiss of us as real men to ignore the graciousness of the ultimate man himself." Said George Washington and all as they bowed before Garfield.

"True but now is not the time for talking now is the time for feasting!" Proclaimed Garfield as he ravenously took bite out of triple lasagna cheeseburger.

"What a hero you are Garfield!" Said Obama the President as he rolled in with dining table's worth of accolades for Garfield.

Everyone cheered Garfields name loudly in consecution like frog leaping across pond when suddenly there was large explosion from outside that rocked the Command Center.

"AGAAAA!" Said several serving men as a piece of the roof collapsed upon them crushing them like popped bubble gum.

"WHAT IS THIS? INTERRUPTING MY PARTY WITH WICKEDRY AND DEATH?" Roared Garfield as he leapt out of the way of falling debris, tackling people to safety like tank-strapped quarterback. "I HATE MONDAYS!"

Suddenly George Washington began to flicker like dying electric light.

"Oh no Commander what is happening?" Asked Connor with much concern as he tried to grab George Washington, only to find his hand passing through him like chainsaw through cannoli.

"It cannot be! The evil that is assaulting the party right now is too great! My mighty presence is being negated back to from where I came!" Said George Washington as he tried to stay and help Garfield only to be rapidly pulled back to the past.

"NO DON'T LEAVE US!" Cried everyone to George Washington as Rogue time portal opened up and sucked him back to Revolutionary America time.

Outside the PAWs fighter jets tried to intercept mysterious attacker only to be swatted out of skies like falling meteors. One of the fighter jets fell into the command center and then explodinged, killing Rebecca, Lucy, and Bishop as they tried to run to Garfield!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY PRECIOUS CHICKEES!" Screamed Garfield with rage as their blood splashed across him, ugliness marring a beautiful portrait. "I tried my very best to keep you from cracking and I failed… I WILL AVENGE YOU ALL!"

With willpower and fighting spirit raging strongly in him, Garfield roared loudly, gathering all capable fighting men left alive to his side.

"Who could've committed such an act of sin?" Asked Jon Arbuckle as he loaded evil-piercing bullets in his revolvers.

"No matter who they are they cannot hope to defeat family power!" Affirmed Haytham and Connor Kenway as they connected tomahawk and sword to form super powerful tomasword.

"I hoped that I would see you one day more but not in circumstances such as these!" Mused Altair as he thought of what joyous celebrations had been ruined by nefarious assault.

"We shall defeat them with the true superpower of teamwork and friendship!" Said Garfield as he readied his Desert Eagle as stepping into view above them was a giant mechanical crab.

The giant mechanical crab than projected above it hologram screen of blonde man with evil in his eyes. "You thought you had won, didn't you, Garfield? But you had not counted on me Subject 16 THE LASAGNA PINCHER!"

"INHUMANITIES!" Garfield swore with disgust as he the Lasagna Pincher pinched up all his lasagna and with factory process began to convert them to the fuel of devious intents.

"Ha ha ha ha Garfield how ironic it is that what you have powered yourself with for so long shall be what ultimately ends you!" Mocked the Lasagna Pincher as he shot out giant tubes that covered up everyone but Garfield.

"What are these monstrosities?" Asked Garfield as he punched bullets with his fist at the tubes only to find that they were both bullet and fist proof.

"Watch and learn!" Bragged the Lasagna Pincher as green gas began to swirl like Slurpee machine inside the tubes.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Yelled Garfield as he continued to pound upon the tubes to no success. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY FRIENDS?"

"Garfield! My friend, you have saved us more times than we can ever remember, but if we must die, so be it!" Cried Jon Arbuckle with last words before the gas enveloped him fully as he and Garfield's high-faving palms were separated by the glass of tubes. "Do not weep for us! There still is world in needing of savings! You must not give up! Remember always Garfield when hope seems lowest remember the good times and bonding we all shar-"

"JON ARBUCKLE!" Roared Garfield as he fell on his knees as the gas disappeared and the tubes broke apart, revealing that all of Garfield's friends had been turned into statues.

"And now time for the centerpiece of my collection!" Sneered the Lasagna Pincher as he readied for capture of Garfield.

"You killed my friends… you killed all my women… and you dare to taint the name of lasagna in the name of evil… so now it is time…" Said Garfield as fire erupted all around his being. His muscles then erupted twenty times in size and with battle cry he leapt at the Lasagna Pincher. "…FOR CRAB CAKES!"

With claws sharper than laser beams Garfield latched upon the Lasagna Pincher as colossal fighting music played for all alive to hear as he climbed up towards the Lasagna Pincher's weak spot and then with fists faster than the Flash began attacking it for massive damage and then it began smoking like ablaze cupcakes in oven.

"OUCHIES!" Screamed the Lasagna Pincher as his giant mechanical crab then exploded leaving just the burned body of Subject 16 smoldering in wreckage.

"You were nothing but pathetic soft shell." Said Garfield with animosity as he grabbed the Lasagna Pincher by his neck.

"Please Garfield at very least let me have some last meal as modicum of mercy!" Begged the Lasagna Pincher with sniveling.

"Looks like you will be having meatballs for dinner tonight then." Quipped Garfield as he reached and ripped off the Lasagna Pincher's meatballs and fed them to him, causing him to die by choking which blew off his head like exploding Pez dispenser.

"Bravo… bravo… Even when chips are all eaten you always find a way to win. But no longer." Said voice in the shadows. With quick turn of head, Garfield saw that it was none other than Shadow Garfield.

"You!" Said Garfield with finger of pointing. "Prepare to for a subpoena of hurt at last you bootleg wannabe!"

"Not so fast." Said Shadow Garfield as he and Garfield stood off. "For you see I am not merely your shadow but I am also the FINAL INCARNATION OF EZIO!"

"I see." Said Garfield as he remembered the prophecy of dying Ezio's words. "Now where is your first so I can kill you for good?"

"Right here Garfield!" Said voice coming from the corpse of the Lasagna Pincher. "Hee hee you shouldn't have slain him so quicklies for I had been trapped in his bodie! Otherwise you might have stood a chance of survival but now all is lost for you!"

The voice materialized to reveal golden shining woman who was none other than Juno!

"And now that all has come full circle let me reveal my true form!" Said Shadow Garfield as he unzipped his cat suit to reveal that he was none other than Odie!

"Odie!" Bellowed Garfield like elephant at recognition of his eternal nemesis. "You should be deader than last week's lasagna dinner!"

"Ha ha Garfield as long as there is evil in the hearts of man I shall always be eternal!" Taunted Odie as his body coursed with evil on magnitude off the charts, adorned in large black Nazi commander overcoat and scars all across his eye-patched face, his entire body stitched back together from prior defeats at Garfield's hand.

"Then it is time for early spring cleaning!" Said Garfield as he unleashed his mighty GARFIELD PUNCH upon Odie, rocking the entire room with blinding light and explosions.

But when the dust cleared with shock Garfield saw that Odie was still standing and laughing along with Juno.

"How can this be? That Garfield Punch was ten times as strong as that of the one which destroyed Ezio!" Said Garfield with shock.

"Neener Neener Garfield we have been having eleven others lives to learn your inner workings and formulate master plan to destroy you!" Bragged Odie as he gave Garfield finger. "Everything from manipulatings and corruption of Assassins and Templars across time was mere tool in getting you here – the day of your defeat and my rise to glory!"

"Cheaters scoundrels and thieves never prosper!" Said Garfield as he aimed his Desert Eagle at Odie only to be hit from behind by Juno with a chair knocking him down.

"Dishonorable mutt!" Said Garfield with disgust at Odie and Juno's dirtyhanded tactics as he rolled out of way of killing stomp.

"Hee hee Garfield there is no honor amongst thieves and we shall fight with none!" Said Odie as he unleashed upon Garfield PSYCHO CRUSHER.

"AAAAAAGH!" Cried Garfield as the pain of the Psycho Crusher coursed through his muscles straining them.

"Now insert a quarter for your demise!" Said Odie as he and Juno began knocking Garfield back and forth like a pinball.

As Garfield flew high into air by Odie's uppercut Odie and Juno proceeded to weaken him further by dousing him with PSYCHO POWER BEAMS.

Odie then lifted Garfield with evil triumph, gazing into Garfields bloodied and bruised face. "Well now Garfield any final words before all the glory and women become mine at last?"

"You may think yourself the victor but evil will always collapse in on itself." Said Garfield with wisdom as he spat into Odie's eyes with the burning force of acid justice.

"Very well Garfield but I shall prove you wrong first by breaking you!" Yelled Odie with success as he lifted Garfield up and then brought him down onto backbreaker, tossing him away like limp rag-doll.

"No…." Said Garfield as he continued to crawl forth with resistance in place of Juno and Odie's taunting laughter. "I will never give up!"

Garfield then spotted lone lasagna and crawled towards it only to activated Odie's cunning trap as trap tube dropped around him.

"You have fallen for the oldest trick in book!" Insulted Juno with victory as Odie flipped switch filling the tube with gas.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSS!" Chanted Odie with celebrations. "At long last vengeance is mine!"

As the gas cleared, Garfield was revealed to be none other than statue like his fallen friends, trapped forever to witness Odie and Juno's ascent to victory as their evil laughs chorused through the world like speeding bullets.

In the skies above dogbone-shaped ships began to descend sucking up all lasagna and falling down upon everyone's heads were mindcontrolling Odie hats. Was this it? Had Garfield been lost forever to Odie's evil trickery? Was the world doomed forever to the new reign of the mindcontrol tyrants King Odie and Queen Juno? These were questions wandered by all before they were overtaken by Odie's mindcontrol as bleak cloudy new day began.

To be continued…


	12. Chapter 12

Garfield's Creed III episode 12 – Desmond's Destiny

It was eleventh month of the reign of Odie and Juno. 99.9% of the worlds population had been converted into mindless Odie Zombies through Odie's mindcontrol technology and the worlds cities had been renovated into sinful palaces of hedonism and sodomy. It was new dark ages as Odie compelled all his slaves to eat healthy food like Apples instead of eating delicious lasagna.

At ruins of PAWS command center door opened up and in walked Desmond Miles bearing gifts for Garfield only for him to drop gifts like football fumble in shock as he saw destruction and the statues of defeated Garfield & friends before him.

"Oh no I slept too long!" Realized Desmond Miles as he slapped his head with realization of his ineptitude.

Then Desmond Miles heard footsteps of many from behind and with horror as he whirled around he saw legion of Odie Zombies coming towards him with outstretched arms.

"Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!" Yelled all of the Odie Zombies as they spotted Desmond Miles. "Exterminate all free will! Resistance is futile!"

"AIEE!" Screamed Desmond Miles with the fear of schoolboy seeing bad report card and turned to flee.

Desmond Miles ran like a cowardly cheetah from the ruins of the PAWS command center with the entire Odie Zombie population of Washington DC chasing after him Desmond Miles seemed to escape for certain when out of nowhere he tripped on a rock.

"I do not want to die a virgin!" Desmond Miles cried with regret as he realized he had broken his ankle and was the trapped.

The had Odie Zombie held up an Odie hat with intents of placing upon Desmond Miles head but then with sound of cocking machine guns.

"These bullets are the words of the poetry of my sorrow! APPRECIATE THE ART OF MY RAGE!" Cried a woman as bullets shredded the Odie Zombies to bloody gibbets saving Desmond Miles.

Lifting hands covering crying eyes, Desmond Miles say that it was no other then Elise and Shao Jun smoking in revealing rebel clothing, fondling machine guns in their dainty lady hands.

"What is happening? Women should not be fighting wars that is what men do!" Questioned Desmond Miles with confusion.

Elise spit upon him with disdain. "Hah! Even with our matching chromosomes and periods we are still far more man than you Desmond!"

"Yes you are correct!" Desmond Miles said as he started crying tears from his mouth again. "But again what has happened?"

"You lazy little boy while you were sleeping the treacherous forces of Odie and Juno slayed Garfield and all real men and left us with just you little boys! We are final free women in Odie's slave empire of evil." Explained Shao Jun as she slapped Desmond across face.

Shao Jun and Elise then took Desmond to safeties at the secret base of the Resistance.

"I think that we should've just left him as dog chow." Said Shao Jun with alternate proposal.

"Indeed but he may serve as yet as distraction in case of we needing escape again." Elise said while rubbing her cheek glaring at pathetic weak Desmond.

Hurt by their mean words Desmond walked away to his new roach-infected room. On the bed was old newspaper from last day of free mankind with urgency printed in headlines.

"Is there any man left alive to stop Odie?" Read Desmond Miles aloud before crying again. "Not me that's for sure!"

"SHUT YOUR LITTLE BABY TEARS AND GROW UP." Said a familiar voice from outside his room with scorn.

"GARFIELD?" Said everyone in shock.

"Yes I am Garfield but only in spirit!" Said Garfield as his spirit manifested in front of them. "That bastard Odie has taken my body from me, leaving unable to fight back."

"Garfield what can we do?" Asked the girls with sadness as they tried to rest their hands upon Garfield's ghost muscles only to fall through.

"Tell me how goes the progress of overthrowing the empire of Odie and Juno?" Garfield requested for war news.

"Garfield we possess the Lasagna of Eden which can defeat Odie and Juno but as women we are unworthy of wielding its power." Said Shao Jun with shame as Elise took out box containing the Lasagna of Eden.

"That is correct. Only a man may harness the power of lasagna." Said Garfield with masculine truth.

"But there are no men left!" Cried Elise with frustration. "Odie has taken control of killed them all and only little boy Desmond here is leave!"

"Then there is only one option left!" Said Garfield with battle plan. "Somehow you must make a man out of Desmond!"

"IMPOSSIBLE!" Cried out both Shao Jun and Elise. "We can sense that Desmond is still virgin like newborn baby covered in mothers lining and if he has not lost it by now he is hopeless case!"

Garfield, impatient, harnessed his ghost powers and roared at them with motivation. "WRONG! THERE IS NEVER HOPELESS IN THE WORLD EVEN WHEN LIGHT IS AT ITS DIMMEST! ALL BURNING FIRES HAD TO START WITH SINGLE TINY SPARK! AND DESMOND IS BUT SUCH A SPARK IF HE CAN OVERCOME THE LIMITATIONS THAT HAVE CRIPPLED HIM! HAVE. I. MADE. MYSELF. CLEAR?"

"Yes Garfield you have!" Said Shao Jun and Elise with salute as Garfield's ghost disappeared back to Man Heaven for R&R. Then they turned their attentions to Desmond.

"Why are you looking at me like that? Girls are gross and weird." Said Desmond with cootie awareness.

"Desmond with the power of sex we shall now make you into a man!" Announced Shao Jun and Elise with loving intentions.

"Nooo don't do this I don't like the sex it is uncomfortable and wet!" Desmond protested but Shao Jun and Elise quickly had him bound to bed as they undressed above him.

Elise and Shao Jun, with the art of French fencing and Chinese kung funk, made sweet forcible lovings to Desmond who spent many hours screaming as for long days they taught to him their feminine arts of pleasure in the training of him to become man.

And on the third day as Desmond came to in between Elise and Shao Jun he metamorphosed from his little boy cocoon that he had worn all his life INTO A MAN.

"Mon dieu! What is happening?" Asked Elise in surprise as she backed out of her parking space.

"I see it but I do not believe it! Desmond is becoming a man!" Shao Jun exclaimed as Desmond pushed them aside and stood up, his body glowing.

"I do not believe it! Sex is amazing!" Said Desmond Miles with newfound style. "But my emergence is not yet complete! To truly become a man I must train!"

Desmond Miles then set up on dangerous world-trekking journey to train himself in the way of the man as he slid into his Walkman the "Heavy Metal Classics of All Time" cassette. To go fast he sprinted up Mount Everest underneath absolute sub-zero plus gravity and with chute-less leap of faith leapt from the peak into the ocean where he swam to deep trench and strangled giant squid with his teeth. To build up maximum man muscle he tied two giant monster trucks to end of uprooted redwood tree and did heavy lifting. And to perfect peak body he caught throwing knives with his mouths, crushing the blades with his teeth like lollipops with all training festivities set to that other training montage song from Rocky IV.

All of sudden interrupting Desmond's training was dirty attack from behind. Recovering quickly, Desmond turned around with ire to see that it was none other than his father wearing black cloak!

"Dad! You are not one of the Odie Zombies! Why do you then attack me?" Asked Desmond with suspicions.

"Ha ha ha Desmond Odie has taught me that there is no greater emissary to serve than that of money!" Replied William Miles with greed as he ripped off his cloak to reveal underneath suit made out of dollar bills.

"Dad you must realize the error of your wayward ways! Come together with me and we can save the world together as father and son!" Desmond offered with pleading for family to stay together.

"No Desmond you must come with me!" Said William Miles with evil delights. "For I am your father!"

Upon hearing this Desmond's eyes began burning with the rage of betrayal. Desmond then felt new feeling coursing through his entire being. "No Father you are no longer my father. I have found new father! His name is TRUTH, JUSTICE, AND THE AMERICAN WAY!"

"Then I shall have to dispose of you like the pathetic little boy you always were!" Said William Miles with sigh as he got into kung fu stance.

"William you are wrong… I am no boy. I. AM. A. MAN!" Said Desmond Miles as he punched William Miles through the belly killing him.

Tossing his father's dead corpse over the peak of Mount Everest, Desmond then knew it was final countdown to time to end the tyranny of King Odie. Desmond then hopped onto a motorcycle and putting on his Bad Religion "No Control" album and Lasagna of Eden he did high acceleration ramp off of Mount Everest towards Odie and Juno's castle.

After some motorcycling through desolate stretches of abandoned highway Desmond arrived at a large looming castle in the ruins of Washington DC looming of menace and sinister as lighting crackled and organs made opera music to set scene.

Shuffling Odie Zombies turned their heads in zombie surprise as they heard the roaring rage of punk rock coming towards them only to be severed in two by chainsaws popping out of Desmond's motorcycle.

"I am selling death, half-off today only!" Quipped Desmond as he cut path through the Odie Zombies with his chainsaw motorcycle.

Desmond then fired missiles from his motorcycle and smashed through the gates of Odie's castle, running through more Odie Zombies on his way to the throne room.

"What is the meaning of this intrusion Desmond Miles? Should you not be hiding underneath mother's dress?" Asked Juno with surprise as Desmond did wheelie into throne room and stepped off, rimming off his clothes to reveal muscular fighting body.

"Don't you knot now that to worship Lasagna in this age of Apple supremacy is punishment by death?" Growled Odie as he saw the symbol of Lasagna tattooed on Desmond's pecks.

"I do! And I am tired of hiding! So I shall remedy that by ending you two!" Desmond said with challenge.

"Then die you shall die by my hands for I am King of the World!" Odie yelled as he leapt down from his throne and began to fight Desmond.

"It's time to abdicate you mutt!" Desmond said to Odie as he pummeled his body with sharp kicks like giant hornet stingers.

"I WILL NEVER STEP DOWN! IN MY PREVIOUS LIFE AS HITLER MY EMPIRE WAS TO LAST A THOUSAND YEARS BUT THIS ONE WILL BE IN THE INFINITIES!" Said Odie with defiance as he blasted Desmond away with Psycho Power.

"Not if I add an error to your equation!" Said Desmond as he shrugged off the Psycho Power through courage and belief in himself.

"Impossible!" Cried Juno with terror. "No one could've survived that much Psycho Power especially not weakling like you!"

"Wrong. For there is nothing impossible for limitations can be overcome with leap of faith!" Said Desmond with ascendance as he and Odie traded blows. "And I shall take all Psycho Power I can take if it means stopping you!"

"Why do you fight for a world that has only mocked you as little boy? Join me and you can partake in vengeance at last!" Offered Odie with devilish sleaze.

"Garfield showed me that a man is above such things as petty vengeance!" Desmond said as his eyes were bright with the fury of justice. "For a man has it in him the power to forgive and forget! So in the memory of Garfield and all those who you have slain, feel my ultimate power… HADOUKEN!"

Desmond formed in between his hands electric glowing ball of energy and with battle cry unleashed giant whirling energy blast upon Odie, defeating him. But just when day was thought to be saved Juno stepped in.

"Not so fast Desmond! I will not have you undo everything we have sought to create!" Juno said as she blasted Desmond away with energy force.

"Ugh!" Said Desmond as he smacked into a bookcase that fell on him.

"And now…" Said Juno and Odie as they kissed and began spinning like runaway dreidel. "ACTIVATE ULTIMATE FORM OF MAN DESTROYING!"

Juno and Odie then merged together to form giant-sized Junodie who was made of praying mantis arms cow udder breasts devil wings Cthulhu tentacles and dinosaur legs that towered above Desmond, smashing the city!

"Oh no!" Cried Desmond with dismay. "Even I as a man cannot stop Junodie! There is only one man who ever could stand a chance of doing so!"

"Yes! And he is dead!" Laughed Junodie as it lifted up Desmond and readied to pop off his head by squeezing.

"I will not lose hope!" Said Desmond as he struggled against the terrible might of Junodie. "All that has been lost to your tyranny, all that has been sacrificed in the name of freedom, it must not have been for nothing!"

Fueled by Desmond's hope the Lasagna of Eden then exploded bright shining lights, freeing him as Junodie roared feeling the painful power of Lasagna and it transformed into a Lasagna Capsule with big red button. Information then began pouring into Desmond's mind from the Lasagna Capsule, revealing what had to be done to save the day.

"Going somewhere?" Sneered Junodie as it slammed its fist down, destroying Desmond's motorcycle.

"Yes I am! I am going to bring back Garfield to stop you!" Said Desmond as he ran faster than he ever had.

"NOOOO. I CANNOT LET YOU DO THAT." Said Junodie with fear as it heard Garfield's name.

"Try and stop me!" Challenged Desmond as he ran off towards New York City.

"I WILL." Raged Junodie as it conjured up mighty tsunamis and tornahoes that chased after Desmond.

"Oh no!" Said Desmond as he saw the tsunamis and tornahoes hot on his heels. "If they catch up to me I might not be able to save Garfield!"

With much urgency Desmond ran at maximum speed, and outran the natural disasters. Reaching New York City Desmond leapt from building to building as the angry Junodie smashed them down in hot pursuit.

"Desmond what are you doing?" Asked the ghost of Garfield as he reappeared in front of Desmond as he began to parkour up the Statue of Liberty.

"What has to be done to save the world!" Desmond said as he showed Garfield the Lasagna Capsule.

"Desmond pushing that button may mean you may not live to see the rebirth of America!" Said Garfield with dangers.

"Garfield I have overcome my limitations and become a man! No longer am I just a little coward boy. And a real man knows when he must sacrifice himself for the greater good." Said Desmond as he reached the torch of Lady Liberty.

"DIE DESMOND DIE!" Screamed Junodie as it ripped the Empire State Building out of its foundation and threw it at the Statue of Liberty.

Just as the Empire State Building was about to collide with the Statue of Liberty, Desmond lifted the Lasagna Capsule high into the air and screamed word of inspirational hope in era of darkness as he pushed the red button. "GARFIELD!"

Upon pressing the button there was a large explosion that wiped out surrounding city leaving only large dust and the laughing figure of Junodie.

"Hee hee hoo hoo Desmond you have only doomed yourself with your rush to save world!" Laughed Junodie as it looked upon the ruins of the Statue of Liberty.

But before Junodie could celebrate further there was flash of star-shaped light and the sound of transformation. Suddenly whole world flashed orange light and flying out from the wreckage of statue of liberty was none other than Garfield with fists areadying for a pounding.

"GARFIELD? HOW CAN IT BE?" Cried Junodie with shock as its eternal enemy returned to life.

Garfield grew to a giant size supersleek Orange and Black suited manly awe-inspiring colossus with emblem of Lasagna upon his chest and struck heroic pose, ultra power coursing through his veins as his muscles to million-size. "In afterlife I took the time to become true one with lasagna, stronger than ever before! Before I was only a mighty man. Now I am a ultra man! Desmond Miles heroically sacrificed his life and body as host to restore mine to life. And he will be the last that dies due to your madness!"

Junodie cried to the cold barren wastes of hellfire with frustration at further impediments. "NOOOOOO! I shall prove to you once and for all the superiority of Apples to Lasagna!"

"Dream on. Junodie, prepared to be neutered and slayed." Said Garfield as he and Junodie faced off and then ran at each other with fists drawn to begin the true final battle.

To be concluded…

Authors note: I hope reading this inspired you to overcome your limitations and never give up! Don't stop believing!


	13. Chapter 13

Garfield's Creed III episode 13 – The Final Hour! Rise, Ultra Garfield!

In the rainy ruins of flooded New York City Garfield battled the nefarious Junodie for the fate of mankind. Junodie shot several massive firebells at Garfield but with timing and agility Garfield rolled out of the way of fireballs.

"Curse you Garfield why won't you stay the still for your doom?" Snarled Junodie with frustration.

"If you want me so badly then I'm all arms!" Said Garfield as he leapt at Junodie and with ultra-willpower formed bladed gauntlets to unleash cutting pummeling upon Junodie.

"Look all around you Garfield!" Laughed Junodie with taunts as it and Garfield grappled for supremacy in the flooded sinkhole of Times Square. "You have returned far too late! The world is mine! All glory all women all power is finally mine! Why do you fight when what you fought for no longer exists?"

Junodie with his tentacles knocked Garfield down into the dirty water with drowning intents. "WHY GARFIELD DO YOU STILL STRUGGLE IN THE NAME OF GOOD WHEN THE ENTIRE WORLD AT MY COMMAND TURNS THEIR BACKS UPON YOU?"

"Because no one else will!" Yelled Garfield as he did recovery flip kick knocking Junodie back to great splashings.

Garfield then unleashed great fist barrage upon Junodie before grabbing the Freedom Tower and towering over Junodie.

"This is your ground zero, Junodie!" Said Garfield with intents of finishing as he readied to stab down.

"Not so fast!" Said Junodie with great gust of wind as he blew Garfield back. "YOU WILL HAVE TO CATCH ME FIRST!"

Junodie, with beating of his devil wings, took up to skies in flight. Undeterred, Garfield jumped up, up, and away and entered the skies in flying pursuit.

From his fingertips Garfield fired rapid fire lasers while Junodie blasted energy rings formed by his devil horns at him while they battled in mid-air giant monster dogfight.

"Your license to fly has just been revoked!" Quipped Garfield with colossal wit as he did daring loop flight and grabbed onto the wings of Junodie as he passed over ripping them off.

"DAMN YOU GARFIELD." Cried Junodie as it fell back into London. As Junodie was rising he saw Garfield preparing powerful technique. Drawing one leg back Garfield dove downwards with foot of diagonal accuracy.

"GARFIELD KICK!" Yelled Garfield as both his mighty feet blazed with justice fire and struck Junodie defeating him.

"AAAAAGH I AM DEFEATED!" Cried Junodie as it stumbled back and was impaled on Big Ben.

"I warned you that your evil would collapse upon itself!" Said Garfield as he readied powerful finishing strike when suddenly the Lasagna Emblem on his chest started blinking and beeping red.

"What is this?" Garfield asked as he looked down upon his chest before realizing dilemma. "Oh no I need lasagna or I will die!"

"Ha ha ha Garfield your mighty ultra form cannot be maintained for longer than three minutes without steady flow of lasagna! And all lasagna has been destroyed by me! INSTEAD FEAST UPON MY ULTIMATE FORM!" Cried Junodie as it tapped into the minds of all it controlled and fed into their darkest evil inhuman desires as power source. Black lighting thunder struck Junodie and turned he became Emperor Junodie Seijin X its body made out of bloody orifices teeth and eyeballs with voice like screeching violin being filtered through cheese grater.

Emperor Junodie Seijin X then formed a cross out of darkness and crucified Garfield before he could react to escape. Emperor Junodie Seijin X then taunted booming chorus of mockery before the trapped Garfield. "Now there is nothing to stop your Lasagna Timer from running empty! You will die!"

"I'll see you in hell… Junodie… mark my words." Said Garfield with no fear as his strength and lifeforce flew out of his body with each second.

"Ha ha Garfield in the end where is your precious lasagna and America? Gone like dust in the wind!" Said Emperor Junodie Seijin X with victory as Garfield's Lasagna Timer stopped blinking, and light faded from his eyes. "TRIUMPH IS ULTIMATELY THAT OF MINE!"

"All hail Emperor Junodie Seijin X!" Said the Odie Zombies with hopeless obedience as they gathered in masses and bowed before Emperor Junodie Seijin X.

"Not so fast asshole!" Said new but familiar lone voice of courage as his theme song began to play.

"WHO DARES STAND UP TO ME AFTER I HAVE EVEN DEFEATED ULTRA GARFIELD, THE MIGHTIEST?" Asked Emperor Junodie Seijin X with disbelief.

"Me." Said the man as he stepped through the parting crowd of Odie Zombies. He was man with distinguished haircut and ring worn around his neck, with cocky smirk as he twirled twin Mausers in his hands.

"DESMOND?" Said everyone with stun. "But you should be the dead!"

"Yes Desmond is dead! But his death was merely new beginning for the complete emergence from his cocoon!" Said the man as he got up to podium with loud microphone and cleared throat. "I am Nathan Drake, the real man underneath the Desmond shell!"

"Nathan or Desmond you will still be dead for no man can be permitted except I!" Said Emperor Junodie Seijin X with orders. "Get him my zombies!"

The Odie Zombies began crawling up to Nathan Drake with menace but with booming commencement of speech Nathan Drake stopped them in their tracks.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Bellowed Emperor Junodie Seijin X with rage at insubordination. "Get him!"

"Look at yourselves you pathetic louts!" Criticized Nathan Drake as he made motivational speech. "As soon as devious tyrant comes around and your hero is not around you instantly turn heel and become disgusting lapdogs. Garfield has saved every one of you a million times through his sheer courage and manliness alone, but as soon as it is your turn to repay the saving, you sign up for Odie's army of evil!"

"It is not our fault! His mind control is too evil!" Tried to justify the Odie Zombies of their miserable helplessness.

"Wrong! There is no mind control too great! You are simply too lazy and cowardly to overcome your limitations!" Retorted Nathan Drake as he continued speaking. "I understand that you are all fearful. Uncertain of if you will see the sunrise too morrow. Odie provided a false sense of security, one that you were willing to pay for with your freedoms. But ask yourselves? Are you happy with forever living your lives as mindless drones of tyrant."

"Do not listen to him! He is attempting to sway your mind with trickery!" Shouted Emperor Junodie Seijin X to the Odie Zombies with lies.

"I do not speak with trickery. I am a man and men are above deceit unlike evil mutts like Odie! Listen tome, people of Earth! Odie has taken what makes us human from us – our freedom! Garfield understood that, and he ensured that as long as he was alive, freedom would always fly high! But now it has been destroyed. Because you let Odie do it with your cowardice and inability to pay the long toll of blood to ensure freedom's survival. But hear me! THERE IS NO COST TOO HIGH FOR FREEDOM!" Nathan Drake said with freedom bursting from his body. "And remember, people of Earth, remember Garfield! Hope once more for a light shining in the darkness!"

"He is right!" Said an Odie Zombie as his mind-control hat fell off. "Garfield fought for us but we betrayed him like cowards when he need us the most!"

"Without Garfield none of us would have ever lived to see tomorrow." Commented a Holocaust survivor as tears rolled down his cheek.

"Garfield saved us and never asked for anything back so we must save him in return in critical hour hand." Said everyone with gratitude as their mind-control hats started falling off en mass.

"NOOO! WHAT IS THIS?" Screamed Emperor Junodie Seijin X as giant beams of hope erupted from the ground and flew up into the sky, blasting away the perpetual clouds of darkness that had covered the sky since the beginning of its reign.

"That is the power of hope!" Said commanding voice as the sound of time portal opening up was heard.

George Washington flew out riding on wingpack-equipped Pooky having come to save his master Garfield, rainbows trailing in his wake.

With mighty roar, Pooky sent shockwaves flying towards the ruins of the PAWS command center which hit the statue of Altair restoring him to life!

"Let us sing a song of revolution!" Cried George Washington as instruments exploded from the ground.

"ROAR!" Said Pooky with agreement as his mighty supersonic vocal chords powered the instruments.

Altair then took stand at microphone to sing song of restoring hope to the Odie Zombies with snazzy 60s sci-fi jazz beats rendition of Black Sabbath's "Mob Rules".

As Altair sang his funky song all of the Odie Zombies were freed of Emperor Junodie Seijin X's control as their bodies filled with renewed hope. They remembered Garfield and how he had saved them many times and tears of hope flowed from their eyelids towards the statues, freeing Haytham!

Haytham took his stand at the mic and began to sing heart-stirring British vocals of inspiration and courage in cover of Accept's "Balls to the Wall. Garfield cleared my mind of evil and it is time I repay favor by bringing him back to life!"

Haytham's song sent earthquakes of courage through the ground, inspiring all whom the shockwaves hit and killed, and a giant beam of light struck the body of Garfield.

"IMPOSSIBRU!" Shouted Emperor Junodie Seijin X as Garfield ripped himself free from his constraints, gaining his new form of FIST OF LIBERTY Ultra Garfield. Adorned in new Red Blue And White stars and stripes colors Garfield stuck another heroic pose to grand applause, creating more energies that went and brought Connor and Obama the President back to life.

"How is this possible! I defeated you! You should be dead!" Screamed Emperor Junodie Seijin X with terror.

"Death and defeat are merely just aspects of life, my chum." Said Garfield as fiery cape of liberty sprouted from his back as he sped towards Emperor Junodie Seijin X. "I will show you what it feels like in just short minute!"

Connor then grabbed a guitar and began shredding wicked riff as George Washington and Obama the President joined together in duet to sing hardrocking beatdown "We Rock" by Dio as Garfield delivered furious beatdown with fists surrounded by American RED WHITE AND BLUE fire rings to Emperor Junodie Seijin X making him see stars and stripes before slashing him full of tears with the star-spangled banner. "You can do it Garfield! We believe in you!" Cried out everyone as Garfield did a vaulting flip over Emperor Junodie Seijin X and did spine-shattering spinal amendment spine tap with congressional vengeance.

"You have dared to stain the name of America and freedom for too long! Now is time to pay the price of your war crime – death!" Said Garfield with punishment as he uppercutted Emperor Junodie Seijin X with backflip kick.

"I WILL NEVER SUBMIT TO YOU, GARFIELD! AND WITHOUT LASAGNA IN YOUR BODY, YOU CAN'T POSSBILY HOPE TO BEST ME!" Ranted Emperor Junodie Seijin X as he shot forwards shadow web that bounded up Garfield in a cocoon.

Garfield continued to struggle while Emperor Junodie Seijin X laughed. As Garfield struggled to break free of his binding, flashbacks of people from throughout his past life adventures appeared before his eyes, giving him the motivation to fight free.

"Garfield you taught me to question what I was told to be true and find my own path!" Said Altair with free-will.

"Garfield you freed Italy from my mad brother's tyranny and you advanced mankind upon path to democracy!" Said Claudia Auditore with politics.

"Garfield when I had being abused all my life by Father you showed me that there was still good in man to be found!" Said Jenny with gratitude.

"Garfield you showed me how to be a real man! Without you I would not have been suitable president for America!" Said George Washington with respect.

"Garfield you taught me after having spent my whole life consumed by hate how to love again!" Said Haytham with rekindled fire.

"Garfield you showed us how it felt to be treated lovingly like treasure women instead of objections!" Said Rebecca and Lucy with love.

"Garfield I saw how you never gave up even at darkest hour and as so you inspired me to keep fighting even when those I sought to save turned their backs on me!" Said Connor with final push.

"Don't give up, Garfield! You believed in us and we believe in you!" Said everybody as they appeared as one in front of Garfield's eyes as Emperor Junodie Seijin X's cocoon almost enveloped him fully.

"RAAAAAAAAAGH!" Roared Garfield as he ripped open the cocoon, only to see that his Lasagna Timer was running and blinking near critical levels again.

"I rate your band a -5/5! OFF THE STAGE WITH YOU!" Critiqued Emperor Junodie Seijin X as it snapped fingers and summoned down giant world destroying meteor with intents of crushing Garfield's back-up band.

With heroic reflexes and nerves of titanium Garfield roared as he caught the meteor and held it up to protect his band, resisting its mighty downwards acceleration even as his Lasagna Timer reached blinking timer end.

"And now you die like weak man you are!" Laughed Emperor Junodie Seijin X as it spread open legs revealing laser-firing appendage and prepared to fire.

Once more all hope seemed lost when suddenly something was seen by Emperor Junodie Seijin X, causing it to mess itself and fire prematurely.

From the ruins of the PAWS command center there was revolving spark of light and set to trippy kaleidoscope heavy metal flash Jon Arbuckle came flying out, growing giant size to shiny tan and blue ultra form.

"Jon Arbuckle?" Said Emperor Junodie Seijin X with anger. "You are but half the man Garfield is and he cannot defeat me! Even with ultra power you cannot best me!"

Ignoring the taunts of Emperor Junodie Seijin X, Jon Arbuckle grabbed his Ultra Guitar and began shredding awesome guitar solo.

As Jon Arbuckle pounded away at his guitar, energy formed around him as shooting stars zipped by and fireworks lit up the sky and finally he uttered one mighty word.

"AMAKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

Jon Arbuckle then aimed his guitar and fired mighty beam of lasagna energy at Garfield, destroying the meteor and feeding his soul with the power of lasagna.

"Jon Arbuckle, I knew that I could depend on you!" Said Garfield with manly handshake as he and Jon Arbuckle high-fived.

"Just repaying a favor! Now show Junodie your judgment hand, Garfield!" Said Jon Arbuckle as he continued to pump up Garfield with lasagna power.

"You fool don't you know that lasagna will make fat and raise your cholesterol?" Chided Emperor Junodie Seijin X with nutritional information.

"Pathetic mutt, you always were too cowardly with your healthy to embrace the Garfield's Creed." Said Garfield as he recited the tenets of the Garfield's Creed. "YOU WERE NOT MAN ENOUGH TO ACCEPT THAT NOTHING WAS DIETED AND EVERYTHING WAS EATEN!"

"Lies! I am not just a man I am a God! Garfield it's time to send you to fat camp in hell!" Said Emperor Junodie Seijin X as it engaged Garfield and Jon Arbuckle in battle.

Garfield and Jon Arbuckle double teamed Emperor Junodie Seijin X, beating it senseless like child in wheelchair tumbling down dizzying slope as the band continued to play heroic fighting music.

"How is this possible? I am ultimate power! Ultimate Evil! I cannot be defeated!" Cried Emperor Junodie Seijin X as its jawbone was smasshed by the combined might of Garfield and Jon Arbuckle's dive kicks. Jon Arbuckle then did a cartwheel kick sending Emperor Junodie Seijin X flying and when he came down Garfield came in with an x-ray smashing fist to the face cracking his frontal lobe.

"Odie all this time you are still a mutt and nowhere close to ever being a man. Time to be put down." Said Garfield with scorn.

Emperor Junodie Seijin X hearing this roared with rage letting it all consume it. There was a sudden tornado of darkness that surrounded it as all of the worlds negative energy created by humanity's evil acts poured into Emperor Junodie Seijin X and it morphed into the very representation of evil itself: Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo who was a galaxy-sized Eldritch horror with a red-crossed face beyond description and comprehension with a voice like Christopher Walken that sucked light and sanity from all with its very existence.

"Garfield what shall there be to love when I destroy it all?" Laughed Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo as it starting sucked up everyone from Earth. It then grabbed Nathan Drake and proceedings to bitten off his head.

"Let me take care of this Garfield!" Said Jon Arbuckle with bravery as he flew at Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo with superheated Arbuckle fist.

"Wait Jon Arbuckle no his evil is too powerful for you." Said Garfield with cautions but he was too late as Jon Arbuckle's fist connected with the teratoma that was the left nostril of Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neos nose.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA FRESH MEAT!" Said Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo with appetite as a tumor pour on his teratoma opened up and sucked in Jon Arbuckle's arm.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Jon Arbuckle screamed with screaming as he was forcibly painfully assimilated intoChaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neos beans.

"Evil mutt. Release Jon Arbuckle or feel the wrath of a million nuclear supernova castrations!" Garfield roared with impending rage as he flew at Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo and tugged at Jon Arbuckle in attempt of resucing.

"Garfield please leave me while he is assimilating me you have chance of assassinationing!" Jon Arbuckle said with clever battle strategy as Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neos blood-vein metal tendrils began to drape over his face like spaghetti noddles.

"A REAL MAN DOES NOT LEAVE HIS FRIENDS BEHIND." Said Garfield with friendship and manly tear as he struggled in vain to the end trying to free his oldest friend and student.

"I see now that there is no chance of you defeating me so then Oh, off with you 'armless ponces!" Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo said with evil grin twinkling in the shadows of the secret cities of despair built on the surfaces of his trillion fanged teeth as he finished assimilating Jon Arbuckle into himself leaving only Garfield standing on the world's last patch of light as Jon Arbuckle's unassimilated arm ripped off with Garfield's powerful tugging. With mere laughter Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo then sent Garfield flying back by kilometers across a devastated living hell.

Garfield's band then tried blasting Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo with the power of rock and roll but with vengeance he blasted them with nu-metal paralyzing them. With chorusing laughter echoing across the emptied and scroched ruin that was the surface of Earth, he proceeded to suck them up with a vacuum extension of his many lower extremity into him.

"You may have killed all my friends but the God of Lasagna has my masculine back!" Said Garfield with vengeful grief as he fought on valiantly to avenge the memories of his friends but he soon found that the eternal darkness was too much even for his manliness and muscles. With laughter Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo then plucked the God of Lasagna from heaven and destroyed him along with all of heaven killing with her hope and good before Garfields eyes.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO LASAGNA! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS INSULT, YOU APPLEHEAD!" Garfield screamed as Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo bathed himself in the God of Lasagna and Lasagna Christ's blood.

"Such persistence, Garfield, even when I destroyed hope itself!" Said Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo as its darkness surrounded Garfield blasting away the world's last light. Everything was gone from the world, except for Garfield, the last soldier standing in the ruins of the battlefield against the neverending hatred. "But now you have nothing left to fight for!"

"You're wrong, Odie! I still have much to fight for! The fighting of the exterminatings of your evil stench." Garfield said as he dodged bolts of darkness, but before he could fly away he was caught by a few of the billion tentacles protruding from the chaos manifestation of Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo.

"What a pitiful death this must be for you, Garfield." Said Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo as it enveloped Garfield to flood his body with corrupting darkness. "All alone at the end of the world. No one to love, no one to friend. And in my new world order, no one will remember that you existed. All records shall be rewritten with I as the hero, and you the villain that meets the end. You never would've won. You know why? I am everything! I am chaos, I am fear, I am evil itself! And I would not have been possible without those you seek to save. What an irony. Evil, fear, hate, so on... they've been here since the first man fell from the graces of heaven. Everything feared... every feeling of hatred... every act of evil... that made me possible, came from humanity! Kill me, you might as well kill humanity! You've always been blind in the darkness, Garfield, saving the world of those who deserve only damnation!"

"It's better to believe in a foolish but good cause, than to know a smart but evil cause." Garfield said with defiance as he felt the darkness squeezing in on him.

"Mock me all you want, Garfield, but it is over for good. No more last minute saves from your band or Jon Arbuckle. I've taken everyone from you. And soon all the glory and power will be mine. And I will not stop at this world. Soon I will be powerful enough to make the walls that constitute reality collapse upon themselves! Soon all of comprehension, all of existence and meta, shall be mine! I WILL BE THE ULTIMATE MAN AT LAST, THE BIRTHRIGHT THAT YOU STOLE FROM ME, GARFIELD." Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo said as it readied killing blow.

"Odie you stupid son of a bitch you never understood it at all, did you? Real men are not made by glory or power. Those are false idols, not the true light in the distance that makes a real man continue forward. You know the true source of power for real men like me? You know why I do not lose hope even when there is none left? Because I still have the ultimate power of all... THE LOVE THAT SHALL VANQUISH YOUR EVIL FOR GOOD!" Garfield roared with power exploding from his body, blasting Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo away into pieces.

Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo, with angry roar, remanifested itself and flew at Garfield. "NO MORE TALKING! TIME TO DIE, GARFIELD!"

Seeing this Garfield then pounded his fists together as his building lasagna power went beyond maximum levels. With no God of Lasagna to pray to, Garfield found himself transcending to the beyond of possibility. Garfield accessed the ultimate bleed, the endless ocean of all existence that ever was, is, and will be. His entire body was enveloped by tornado of power created by the belief of the people and Garfield's love for justice flowing in across the centuries of multiversal hypertime, and when the river of the power off infinite worlds ebbed, Garfield had attained his secret final form. His orange muscles had darkened to fiery fighting man's red, and his black stripes had turned silver to symbolize the white virginities that Garfield had taken in all his adventures. Garfield had become BURNING LASAGNA LOVE Ultra Garfield. Hope, light, everything that Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo had destroyed, returned. Garfield had become the living embodiment of these things, and with battle cry he flew to meet his enemy for final battle of the final battle.

With futilities Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo fought back with raging kicks and swinging chops but they merely bounced off of Garfield's muscles like tennis balls upon side of battleship.

"Odie, you have been using this beautiful Earth as your dirty apartment for too long! Your very existence is insult to the name of manliness and freedom!" Said Garfield as he used bagua fist form to pummel Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neos chests full of impact dents.

"What are you going to do about it?" Asked Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo with blood and teeth flying from the mouths of interstellar galaxies of damnating madness that were its trillion eyes all over body as Garfield unleashed upon him judo chop with steel-chiseled man hand.

"Here is your eviction notice, be sure to sign in blood!" Said Garfield as he served Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo a mighty lovefist, cracking open his skull.

"Odie, you are blasting off again." Taunted Garfield as he tackled Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo and flew them up into space. Garfield roared as he felt the ultimate pain of every cell experiencing simultaneous nuclear combustion forced into him, the weight of a black hole, and the collective thoughts of evil that made beings like Odie stabbed him like brain needles. But even as he endured the most pain his manly body ever had, Garfield did not give up. He continued to fly forward, never letting go of the monster he held. Garfield climaxed, and giant wings of light erupted from his back, accelerating him to velocities beyond the grasp of dimensions spiraling them to new existences.

"YOU CANNOT HOPE TO BEST THE MONSTER THAT COMES FROM MANKIND ITSELF!" Swore Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo as its monolith colossus body began to radiate with ticking, signaling that it was readying to unleash multiverse destroying kamikaze bomb as Garfield continued sending it into the nether depths of outer space.

"Maybe but I'll take an A for effort." Garfield said as he counteracted Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo's manifestation of evil's humanity with its good.

"How are this possible? I am a god and you are just a man!" Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo quivered with fear as he saw vengeance coming out of Garfield's eyes... vengeance cold-served delivered just for him.

"Before I was merely content to be emissary of the will of great lasagna. But in afterlife I realized that LOVE IS LASAGNA! And I am no longer just the emissary, but the maker of its will! I am the God of Lasagna! And its power is mine to use! Now Odie, you canine ponce, know that THE MIGHT OF GARFIELD!" Garfield's hands began sparking with electric power and he fused them together to form mighty ball of lasagna power. Garfield then absorbed the lasagna power and with entire being coursing with strength, he crossed his arms like a plus sign and aimed at Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo.

"LASAGNA FURY!" Cried Garfield as he unleashed his power as his ultimate energy attack beam from his crossed arms. Garfield's lasagna fury laser beam spiralled towards Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo, barreling towards it like ox and hitting it with maximum acceleration force.

"Oh no. I am vanquished at last." Said Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo as the force of the Lasagna Fury sent it flying beyond the barriers of space and existence into a black hole which sent him to the antimatter universe.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAFIEEEEEELLLLDDD! I'LL BE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAC" But before Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo could finish its sentence, the power of Lasagna split it apart back into Odie and Juno where combination of nuclear lasagna explosion black hole travel antimatter exposure and space decompression ended their evil for good.

"Uh-uh. No sequel for you." Garfield joked as everything that Chaos Emperor Junodie Seijin Neo had destroyed came back better than ever.

"Ha ha ha!" Laughed everyone at Garfield's wit as they walked up to Garfield with congratulations. In his tall ultra form he stood above them but none of them considered him a tyrant like Odie. For he was their ultimate hero the living embodiment of the good mankind had done and was capable of. Garfield was the ultimate peak of humanity that all aspired to be.

"Garfield once more you have saved America and the world!" Congratulated Obama the President with rewardings. "Here is the key to the underground presidential lasagna bunker!" Said George Washington as he laid it down on the ground before the giant form of Garfield.

"What happens now that we have finally vanquished evil?" Asked Altair as the world began rebuilding itself from Odie's destruction.

"Yes Garfield what about all those who have died in the name of saving America?" Said Nathan Drake with somber remembrance as he dusted himself off.

"Indeed. My sister and many others died so that we may live to see tomorrow. What happens now?" Said Haytham Kenway with musing sorrows.

"The same thing we do when we fall. We get back up and keep fighting." Said Connor reciting wisdom taught to him by Garfield.

"I have not forgotten those whom we lived, loved, and laughed with. They will live on forever in our hearts and memories." Garfield said with contemplation before using his Lasagna God powers to take the spirits of all the deceased allies from his adventure and turned them into star constellations. With this final act he demorphed from his Ultra Garfield form back to Garfield the Ultimate Man.

"What will you be doing now, Garfield?" Asked Jon Arbuckle as the star constellations lit up the sky where they would forever be.

"We know what we are going to be doing." Said Elise with coy giggling as she walked up to Garfield with Shao Jun, Claudia, Hope Jensen, Anne Boney, Mary Read and all the women of the Assassin's Creed and Templar's Order behind them in lingerie.

"You all know I'm a mess without my China Girl. Now it is time to ravish oriental cuisine." Said Garfield as he scooped up Shao Jun and planted upon her mighty kiss to great applause.

"But you cannot love forever. Sooner or later there will be something that needs to be kicked to sleep." Said Nathan Drake to Garfield with prophecy.

"I am certain that even with the evil of Odie and Juno vanquished, there shall be day needing to save world again in future." Said Garfield with anticipation. "But until then… it is time for me to kick back and relax with a side dish of sexiness!"

"Hee hee Garfield you are so charming." Said Shao Jun with lustful anticipation. "I shall delight in showing you what's in my box."

"Yes I hope we shall get to know the secrets of going in and out for much days on end." Hope Jensen requested with sexual drive.

"Babes when you're with me you'll never want to leave the Animus." Said Garfield with truthful promises as he scooped them all into his clutch with his massive muscular arms and proceeded to lick their soft creamy bodies all over with his rugged tongue.

"Oh Garfield..." Squealed all of the Assassin and Templar babes with delight as they came. "SYNCHRONIZE US!"

With this Garfield then lifted up all the babes and tied them to Pooky, before riding off on his faithful bear into the sunsets towards 5-star all-night hotel for session of romance as everyone applauded them, knowing for certain that as long as there was evil that threatened the future of mankind…

There would be Garfield.

The end…?

Authors note: Congratulations to Ubisoft on successful bugfree critically climaxed launch of Assassins Creed Unitie and Rouge. If you are reading this, please make Nathan Drake and Garfield the next protagonists of Assassin's Creed. That would be appreciated.


End file.
